Posted by: DD | July 14, 2006

No. 230 – They Say the Darndest Things

When I have time, which unfortunately hasn’t been a lot, with the whole "trying to move into our house" thing, I’ve been researching adoption. I’ve briefly looked at Fos-Adopt, Domestic and International. All have pros and cons, as any of you know who have any experience with this.

I mentioned in an earlier post how this research has caused me to go into A-Fib each time I open a site and go through their Q&A. My concerns aren’t necessarily with me, even though just the thought of filling out gobs of paperwork and trying to locate both of our birth certificates among the boxes of non-essentials that were packed months ago causes me to claw at my throat in an attempt to open my constricted airway. Instead it’s the interview example questions that agencies may ask us, or more specifically, ask Mr. DD. What could he possibly say? Well, he just may answer the question, "So…why do you think you want to adopt?" with "Because all my friends and family tell me that if we adopt, we’ll get pregnant!"

I’m not kidding. Ok, maybe just a little.

Last night as we were eating dinner, Mr. DD asks me straight out of the blue, "What do you think of  surrogacy?"

"You mean getting a surrogate to carry a baby for us?"

"Yeah."

"Seriously?!! Do you know what that means?"

"Yeah," he indignantly replies, "It’s where a third party carries part of me and part of you, which is called a baby, through a pregnancy."

I’m picking my eyeballs out of my rice where they had fallen, right after my jaw slapped into my plate.

"Do you understand how expensive something like that is? It would be like paying for an IVF for two people!" [Based on some googling today, I’ve seen costs for reasonable surrogacy of anywhere  from $64,000 up to $100,000. See that? 1,2,3,4…5 zeros!] "I don’t think me carrying a pregnancy to term is the problem. It’s getting pregnant with a viable fetus. We’re either looking at your sperm; or my eggs; or the combo of both of them together being shit questionable."

So then we discussed the semen-analysis-that-wasn’t. We had decided a few weeks ago that we weren’t going to do the standard count/motility/morphology (cmm) analysis. We’re pulling out the big guns and doing Sperm Chromatin Structure Assay (SCSA). A cmm really doesn’t predict the probability of a successful pregnancy except to say the higher the numbers and percentage, the better your odds. A SCSA instead looks at the fragmentation of semen’s DNA, which if the DFI (DNA Fragmentation Index) is greater than 30%, our odds of conceiving either naturally or IUI/IVF w/ICSI are low regardless if he was Super Sperm Producing Man.

Now we haven’t done this test, either, because I figured if I wasn’t ovulating, there really was no point in doing the SCSA, and that I would keep dropping hints about adoption (even if I had to eventually force him to read several blogs about adoption to keep him from saying something that would make us appear quite insane).

But here’s where the conversation got really strange, as if it couldn’t get stranger:

"So," I tentatively ask, "if the SCSA comes back with a high DFI, would you be willing to reconsider donor sperm?" …and I hold my breath just in case the implosion of his head would suck all remaining oxygen from the atmosphere…

…keep holding…

…turning purple…

"Yes."

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Responses

  1. Such a simple word, and yet the meaning is incredible. Good luck, whichever way you go!

  2. Yes is a magnificent word indeed.

  3. Wow. I guess I’m speechless for, like, the second time in my life.

  4. He would consider using donor sperm before adoption? That is astounding to me. If my husband and I can’t have a baby together, he sure as hell doesn’t want me having one with someone else.

  5. OMG, DD, that is amazing! That is so incredible! Mr. DD is a good man.

  6. Wooo! DD, that is amazing. You just never can tell how things are going to change, can you? Wow.

  7. ::GASP:::!!!

    Talk about pulling a 180!
    That’s great news DD.

  8. Wow- that’s great.

  9. Wow- that’s great.

  10. Whoa! It’s amazing what they can come up with when you give them a little time to think about things. Nicely done Mr. DD!

  11. Stifling all sounds that may have escaped my mouth involuntarily.

  12. Oh. Well then. Wow.

    How things change.

  13. Oh. Well then. Wow.

    How things change.

  14. Thanks so much for your comment on my post. I honestly felt comforted by your words.

    xoxo

  15. Thanks so much for your comment on my post. I honestly felt comforted by your words.

    xoxo

  16. Wow, now my eyeballs are popping out! That’s some great progress.

  17. Wow, now my eyeballs are popping out! That’s some great progress.

  18. Wow… that’s huge, DD!!!

  19. Wow… that’s huge, DD!!!

  20. Oh wow. Wish I could think of another word but wow covers it so well.
    Wow.

  21. Hot DAMN lovebug!!!!! Whoohooo!!!!!!!!!

    I am grinning ear to ear for you!!!! Hey, if you want to talk herbs, let me know. I got my cycles in line with ’em, swear to God hope to die all that stuff!!!!!

  22. That is great news!

  23. That is great news!

  24. holee crap!

  25. holee crap!

  26. I’m so glad that he’s willing to consider. Even if you don’t decide to go that route, it’s still nice to know. I felt so much better about our IF once M agreed that we could consider adoption if things didn’t work out the way we hoped.

  27. I’m so glad that he’s willing to consider. Even if you don’t decide to go that route, it’s still nice to know. I felt so much better about our IF once M agreed that we could consider adoption if things didn’t work out the way we hoped.

  28. It’s always great to have as many options as possible open to you. Congrats on another avenue to explore!

  29. It’s always great to have as many options as possible open to you. Congrats on another avenue to explore!

  30. Whoa. Great news!

  31. Whoa. Great news!

  32. Wow! That’s exciting news. Some forward progress is always good.

  33. Wow! That’s exciting news. Some forward progress is always good.

  34. Oh! Wow! Holy Crap! That’s fabulous. It’s just such a huge leap! A new option!

  35. Oh! Wow! Holy Crap! That’s fabulous. It’s just such a huge leap! A new option!

  36. My husband’s DNA Frag was 30.1% Which is a really bummer because it is so close to the edge that you just don’t know for sure if that is the cause. I can tell you, I wasn’t comfortable with donor sperm at first. Now… now I think I would be. Adoption won’t solve the wanting to be pregnant part of life, I’m learning that right now. You’ve already had a child, so maybe you won’t have that same need that I do, I don’t know. But adoption has made me a mommy and I’m loving, absolutely LOVING that part!

  37. My husband’s DNA Frag was 30.1% Which is a really bummer because it is so close to the edge that you just don’t know for sure if that is the cause. I can tell you, I wasn’t comfortable with donor sperm at first. Now… now I think I would be. Adoption won’t solve the wanting to be pregnant part of life, I’m learning that right now. You’ve already had a child, so maybe you won’t have that same need that I do, I don’t know. But adoption has made me a mommy and I’m loving, absolutely LOVING that part!

  38. Oh my goodness, that’s wonderful news! I’m so glad he’s willing to consider that if the results aren’t good. It’s always great to have as many options as possible.

  39. Oh my goodness, that’s wonderful news! I’m so glad he’s willing to consider that if the results aren’t good. It’s always great to have as many options as possible.

  40. Wow, DD. That’s such a huge thing. Well done, I say!

  41. Wow, DD. That’s such a huge thing. Well done, I say!

  42. Wow, DD, even I noticed I was holding my breath there at the end… and may I say “Wow!” and “Hooray!”

    I’m back and caught up now. So sorry about the grief with your visitors… that must have been an awful feeling when you found out.

    I missed you!

  43. Wow, DD, even I noticed I was holding my breath there at the end… and may I say “Wow!” and “Hooray!”

    I’m back and caught up now. So sorry about the grief with your visitors… that must have been an awful feeling when you found out.

    I missed you!

  44. Eventually we all come round to what was previously unthinkable. Mr DD just needed more time and thinking to get his head round all the corners. Sometimes us women just move on quicker than they can.

  45. Eventually we all come round to what was previously unthinkable. Mr DD just needed more time and thinking to get his head round all the corners. Sometimes us women just move on quicker than they can.

  46. Wow. You go Mr DD. It’s amazing how those guys can get with the program if you just give them a little time and the right kind of information.

  47. Adoption has scared more than one man into thinking donor sperm is a good idea.

    Maybe that’s not really how it works, maybe time and info are the key.

    Anywhichway, options are good . . . . wishing you and Mr. DD lots of luck with WHATEVER is next.

  48. Sounds like you got a keeper there! (But you already knew that didn’t you)

    Take care and good luck

  49. Sounds like you got a keeper there! (But you already knew that didn’t you)

    Take care and good luck

  50. God, your options are really opening up now what with all the positive surges, yes’s from the hubs etc.
    This is exciting and I’m wishing you the best of luck no matter where things go from here.

  51. God, your options are really opening up now what with all the positive surges, yes’s from the hubs etc.
    This is exciting and I’m wishing you the best of luck no matter where things go from here.


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