Posted by: DD | July 16, 2006

No. 231 – Not To Burst Your Balloons

Alright everybody…let’s all just settle down. I’m happy, but there’s no chance right now you will find me running around doing a happy dance. Mr. DD has said "Yes" before to a donor, and when it came down to crunch time, he changed his mind. Also, the reported affirmative answer was the abbreviated version. What he actually said was, "Yes, but using a donor just makes me feel…"

"Uncomfortable? Unsure?" I interrupt.

"Inadequate."

So there you have it. It’s the word I actually dreaded because how do you make a man NOT feel inadequate when it comes to this type of thing? I don’t think one can? I can’t even think of any blogger who has tried donor sperm. If you know of one, please let me know.

On other news: we picked THE hottest and most humid weekend EVER since the moment life was created in the boiling mud pits of yore to move into the new house. I have dripped sweat on everything that’s been packed and moved. I ache all over and my feet haven’t gone through this much torture since my Dancing Days.

No, Dirt Dude never did show up. We went ahead and had the gas company come and bury the line. If Dirt Dude blows his ass up (if he ever finishes the job), it will be his own fucking fault.

Well, I’m off. I just stopped by to update. Our new house is still missing some minor necessities, mainly TV and wireless hookup. We shall be living very much like the settlers from 200 years ago…except with air conditioning, garages, showers…oh, and let’s not forget: one awesome whirlpool tub, which happens to be beckoning my aching shoulders.

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Responses

  1. I think Katrina (single mom) used donor sperm for her IUIs. I think I started reading her around when she got pregnant. I don’t know if IF was an issue – http://kajohn345.blogspot.com/

    If this is the case, her route avoided all the male ego stuff. Gotta decide which is more valuable – ego or another child.

    Sounds like you earned this house all over again. The whilrpool sounds lovely and I am quite jealous, but not enough so to help you move. Sorry.

  2. One of my old friends had a daughter with donor sperm. Sadly she does not blog. Their little girl is the light of her father’s eyes. They did some counseling beforehand to get everyone on the same page (re., how to talk about it as a family, whether or not to share with others, etc.) and that helped him come on board.

    One of the REs I interviewed awhile ago said that donor sperm cycles are less common now that ICSI is available and that may be why you’re not seeing as many bloggers writing about the issue. I will keep my eye out for any memoirs or anything though…

  3. Vee at “The Sweet Life” and her partner Max are using Donor. (http://sweetvee.blogspot.com)

    Men’s egos. Don’t I know all about that. Try being married to a man for whom his testicles used to work but no longer do. It’s scary how this issue affects even the most sensitive and intelligent of men. I would have thought him above such adolescent grunty caveman stuff, but apparently he’s not.

  4. I have a cousin that has 2 kids using donor sperm (same donor). Her husband had mumps as a child and was sterile. Initially, he had “issues” about using donor sperm – he felt that the kids wouldn’t be “his” and he felt inadequate. However, the kids are 13 and 11 now and I know he wouldn’t change a thing. He adores them and obviously, they are his kids. They are talking about trying to have a 3rd and were investigating whether or not the same donor was available. I think that’s exceedingly cool.

  5. I must admit, what I was thinking but was afraid to voice out loud, was just exactly how is donor sperm different from adoption except that it involves your DNA?

    Good luck with this mission.

  6. So I am one of those bloggers that has been reading your site and is finally posting. It is so refreshing (as a fellow 2ndary IFer) to read your blog and hear your frustrations. DS was a topic with us as dh has a chromosome disorder which causes us to do IVF/PGD. I’m glad you didn’t go password protected or I wouldn’t have found you! Thanks!

  7. Happy moving. I know that’s an oxymoron, but my heart was in it.
    Here’s a donor insem blog:
    http://www.allshousefamily.blogspot.com/

  8. It’s amazing how many IF blogs there are out there that I don’t know about. Do you think that it’s possible that some people never find julie’s blog? Because once they find julie how come we don’t find them…anyway…I’m glad he’s at least thinking about donor insem. Worth continuing to discuss.

    Congrats on the move. But moving in the heat. Ugh ugh ugh. You have my every sympathy.

  9. When this issue was talked about in my house, in purely abstract terms, so take it with a grain of salt, we decided if it came down to an issue of sperm, we would ask my husband’s gay brother. We knew he would never have children and the child would still have family DNA. Of course, I imagine Dan may very well have balked at the end, too.


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Posted by: DD | July 16, 2006

No. 231 – Not To Burst Your Balloons

Alright everybody…let’s all just settle down. I’m happy, but there’s no chance right now you will find me running around doing a happy dance. Mr. DD has said "Yes" before to a donor, and when it came down to crunch time, he changed his mind. Also, the reported affirmative answer was the abbreviated version. What he actually said was, "Yes, but using a donor just makes me feel…"

"Uncomfortable? Unsure?" I interrupt.

"Inadequate."

So there you have it. It’s the word I actually dreaded because how do you make a man NOT feel inadequate when it comes to this type of thing? I don’t think one can? I can’t even think of any blogger who has tried donor sperm. If you know of one, please let me know.

On other news: we picked THE hottest and most humid weekend EVER since the moment life was created in the boiling mud pits of yore to move into the new house. I have dripped sweat on everything that’s been packed and moved. I ache all over and my feet haven’t gone through this much torture since my Dancing Days.

No, Dirt Dude never did show up. We went ahead and had the gas company come and bury the line. If Dirt Dude blows his ass up (if he ever finishes the job), it will be his own fucking fault.

Well, I’m off. I just stopped by to update. Our new house is still missing some minor necessities, mainly TV and wireless hookup. We shall be living very much like the settlers from 200 years ago…except with air conditioning, garages, showers…oh, and let’s not forget: one awesome whirlpool tub, which happens to be beckoning my aching shoulders.


Responses

  1. I think Katrina (single mom) used donor sperm for her IUIs. I think I started reading her around when she got pregnant. I don’t know if IF was an issue – http://kajohn345.blogspot.com/

    If this is the case, her route avoided all the male ego stuff. Gotta decide which is more valuable – ego or another child.

    Sounds like you earned this house all over again. The whilrpool sounds lovely and I am quite jealous, but not enough so to help you move. Sorry.

  2. One of my old friends had a daughter with donor sperm. Sadly she does not blog. Their little girl is the light of her father’s eyes. They did some counseling beforehand to get everyone on the same page (re., how to talk about it as a family, whether or not to share with others, etc.) and that helped him come on board.

    One of the REs I interviewed awhile ago said that donor sperm cycles are less common now that ICSI is available and that may be why you’re not seeing as many bloggers writing about the issue. I will keep my eye out for any memoirs or anything though…

  3. Inadequate we can deal with.

    Right?

    Ah fuck, enjoy the hot tub.

  4. PS. Enjoy your hot tub!! After we built and we were moving I made the hot tub my nightly reward. It certainly helped me get motivated during the move.

  5. That sounds nasty… the heat and moving. You should have invited us it always snows when we move or help friends move!!

    Take care and good luck

  6. Maybe it would help to explain to the meester that it’s not his biological ability to create a child that makes him a man – it’s his ability to PARENT – to truly BE a father, that makes him a man. At least, in my view point. That’s 85% of what attracted me to my hubby – not that he CAN make children – but what he does with them after their here.

  7. It’s amazing how many IF blogs there are out there that I don’t know about. Do you think that it’s possible that some people never find julie’s blog? Because once they find julie how come we don’t find them…anyway…I’m glad he’s at least thinking about donor insem. Worth continuing to discuss.

    Congrats on the move. But moving in the heat. Ugh ugh ugh. You have my every sympathy.

  8. When this issue was talked about in my house, in purely abstract terms, so take it with a grain of salt, we decided if it came down to an issue of sperm, we would ask my husband’s gay brother. We knew he would never have children and the child would still have family DNA. Of course, I imagine Dan may very well have balked at the end, too.


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