Posted by: DD | July 25, 2006

no. 237 – This Very Moment

blood pounding

palms damp

nerves taught

I have been impressed that I have been able to keep my period at bay, which normally would’ve arrived last Thursday or so. When it didn’t arrive over the weekend I gave the progesterone cream kudos. I thought I’d be lucky to get 3 or 4 days delay from it (I was taking the cream since my LH surge was later than normal and I wanted to stave off a short luteal phase), but actually am seeing a reprieve of at least 4 to 5 days.

avoiding calculations

drafting posts

breathing deeply

I then started to believe that it was more than the progesterone. I knew that one-in-a-million miracles happen all the time, and having the previous two months to not even think about it had given me time to collect my wits and let myself believe I am deserving…or so I thought. I imagined that I could get through a two week wait without giving consideration to every twinge, pull or lack thereof. I actually thought about pretending to be a normal Breeder and letting the 2WW turn into three, just for spite. I was an adult, not like some child the night before xmas, peeking into packages.

squinting

turning

returning

But by yesterday afternoon, still two full days before the original 2WW was even over, I caved. I told myself it was too early, so this morning’s stick no. 2 of 3 became another victim of Hope’s coy beckoning. Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway, I have discontinued the application of the cream. I will need it for the next time.

dreams

cries

sighs

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Responses

  1. Alright. I copied this into babble fish and looked for the infertile to non-infertile translation – and I couldn’t find it.

    2WW?
    LH Surge?

  2. (sigh) Onwards! The next cycle beckons! (Eat chocolate, rest lots, watch a sappy movie — and lots of hugs from the other midwest!)

  3. Ugggh. Sorry.

  4. Ach, DD. What to say? Thinking of you, my delicate flower.

  5. Damn it all, I’m so sorry.

  6. That damned temptress.

    I know, she’ll invite herself again again next month.

    I’m glad you like the p lotion. I found it lengthened my cycle, too, but then I didn’t have a man around. You’re lucky that way.

  7. Ah, thanks for the ride???? (Insert nasty word here).
    I tend to have somewhat irregular cycles but it never translates into a short luteal phase – are you sure about the whole progesterone cream thing?
    I’ve also read that late ovulation interfers with egg quality but perhaps this is an old wifes’ tale (as an old wife, I guess I’m doing my job by perpetuating the story).
    My son was conceived with ovulation around day 21 so I guess I should really know better.
    You know I’m living viacriously these days so please, better news next cycle okay?
    DinoD

  8. I’m sorry sweetie. Hope there’s better news next time.

  9. I dispise pregnancy tests. Yes, it’s blaming the messenger, but I hate them all the same.

    I admire you for having the strength to allow yourself to hope again. (People say that God only gives you what you can handle. Don’t you wish you weren’t so damn strong sometimes?)

    Know that you are in my thoughts!

  10. Bummer… hope things work out better next time.

    Take care

  11. It isn’t the two weeks that bother me, it is only Day 28.


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Posted by: DD | July 25, 2006

no. 237 – This Very Moment

blood pounding

palms damp

nerves taught

I have been impressed that I have been able to keep my period at bay, which normally would’ve arrived last Thursday or so. When it didn’t arrive over the weekend I gave the progesterone cream kudos. I thought I’d be lucky to get 3 or 4 days delay from it (I was taking the cream since my LH surge was later than normal and I wanted to stave off a short luteal phase), but actually am seeing a reprieve of at least 4 to 5 days.

avoiding calculations

drafting posts

breathing deeply

I then started to believe that it was more than the progesterone. I knew that one-in-a-million miracles happen all the time, and having the previous two months to not even think about it had given me time to collect my wits and let myself believe I am deserving…or so I thought. I imagined that I could get through a two week wait without giving consideration to every twinge, pull or lack thereof. I actually thought about pretending to be a normal Breeder and letting the 2WW turn into three, just for spite. I was an adult, not like some child the night before xmas, peeking into packages.

squinting

turning

returning

But by yesterday afternoon, still two full days before the original 2WW was even over, I caved. I told myself it was too early, so this morning’s stick no. 2 of 3 became another victim of Hope’s coy beckoning. Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway, I have discontinued the application of the cream. I will need it for the next time.

dreams

cries

sighs


Responses

  1. I am sorry. I am proud of you for making almost through the 2WW (it takes nerves of steel to make it that far when you have tests in the house, so you know I’m over here doing the proud-dance), but I wish the outcome were different.

    Is it trite to repeat that tired ole line “maybe it’s too early” .. ?

  2. The downside to being an infertility veteran…the dreaded acronyms…!

    Tracy, I have replied to you via email, but for you others who may have questions, click the link at the top/left of this page called “How to Win Friends and Influence Your RE”. It has an extensive list of acronyms and their definitions.

  3. And at least now I breathe. Sadly breathe but breathe nonetheless.

    I’m sorry. What a let down.

  4. What a ridiculous mindfuck this is. I’m so sorry.

  5. It’s the worst type of rollercoaster. I hate it too. I hate it for all of us.
    Time for a glass of wine and another hot bath, friend. I still believe there’s hope for you. I can’t stop myself and don’t know why. Hope you don’t mind.
    Love.

  6. Damn it all, I’m so sorry.

  7. That damned temptress.

    I know, she’ll invite herself again again next month.

    I’m glad you like the p lotion. I found it lengthened my cycle, too, but then I didn’t have a man around. You’re lucky that way.

  8. Ah, thanks for the ride???? (Insert nasty word here).
    I tend to have somewhat irregular cycles but it never translates into a short luteal phase – are you sure about the whole progesterone cream thing?
    I’ve also read that late ovulation interfers with egg quality but perhaps this is an old wifes’ tale (as an old wife, I guess I’m doing my job by perpetuating the story).
    My son was conceived with ovulation around day 21 so I guess I should really know better.
    You know I’m living viacriously these days so please, better news next cycle okay?
    DinoD

  9. I’m sorry sweetie. Hope there’s better news next time.

  10. I dispise pregnancy tests. Yes, it’s blaming the messenger, but I hate them all the same.

    I admire you for having the strength to allow yourself to hope again. (People say that God only gives you what you can handle. Don’t you wish you weren’t so damn strong sometimes?)

    Know that you are in my thoughts!

  11. Bummer… hope things work out better next time.

    Take care

  12. Hope can be very cruel. I am sorry she pulled the rug out from under you again. I will happily kick her, if you’d like.

    Huge hugs,
    Kate


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