Posted by: DD | August 1, 2006

no. 241 – 43.0%

That’s the percentage of Mr. DD’s DNA fragmentation index on the semen sample.  On the report that was faxed, there are three boxes under the Estimate of Overall Sperm DNA Integrity:

  • Excellent Sperm DNA Integrity
  • Good Sperm DNA Integrity
  • Fair to Poor Sperm DNA Integrity

SCSA Diagnostics’ representative marked the box in front of Fair to Poor.

Part of the report included the following sentence:

Excluding female factors of which we have no knowledge, routine IVF or preferably ICSI may be the most appropriate ART procedure for Mr. DD and his partner, due to the fair to poor %DFI.

Great. Since we already went that route – twice – it’s fair to say that IVF/ICSI was not the most appropriate ART procedure. And I honestly don’t want to do that again.

I called Mr. DD on his cell with the results. He was neutral about the news and I didn’t feel it would have been appropriate to nag him about how or what he feels until he’s had time to digest the implications. Sure, he said he would consider donor, but I have to tell you that in my gut, I don’t think even this poor result will inspire him to give DI anymore than a sideways look.

While waiting for the results, I couldn’t believe I ever wished it to be anything but excellent. But I did. I wanted the percentage of fragmentation to be the kind of number that would inspire Mr. DD to consider more than just what we are doing in the quest for another child. But now that that possibility is upon me – on us – I dread the thought of going back to The Metro’s clinic with the proverbial tail between my legs and admit that most people who go through infertility do NOT spontaneously get pregnant on their own.

Not only that, but I feel like I am not giving enough credit to adoption by making it my option-of-last-resort. I know we all have this list mentally in our head as to what lengths we are willing to go and that it always includes, "And if all else fails, we’ll do _______". I just don’t think I have the energy to go another year+ jumping through hoops and enduring more road blocks.

Maybe I’m getting a little ahead of the Negative Nelly that exists in my head nearly 24 hours a day and Mr. DD will shock the shit out of me and announce he’s willing to try DI.  Then again, maybe not.

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Responses

  1. Oh…. I am hurting for you & sending so many hugs to you. I don’t really know what to say, other than that.

  2. A lot of people make adoption a last resort option, and a lot of people don’t consider it an option at all. There are those that would jump on the bandwagon about that, but not me. I’m just glad I had that choice and the means to accomplish it in order to build my family. Good luck.

  3. Be kind to yourself. Do not judge your motivations so harshly. I think with a lot of things – especially with infertility – that we become so engrossed in every detail that we start looking at everything under the microscope. Give yourself a break.

    Trust that you need to have the knowledge/experience you are gaining right now to parent child #2 – however that child enters your family. No matter how God is leading you to baby #2, God will get you there one way or the other. There’s no need for self judgement. Adoption or DI are not last resort options. You just have to get to the right place in your journey to be open to them. There is nothing wrong with that.

    You are good. Rest in that knowledge.

  4. What Jennifer said. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re taking it one day at a time right now — please don’t feel like you need to be doing anything but getting through the next 24 hours worth of information.

  5. I’m sorry the test results were disappointing. I hope your hubby is open to all the options. And I don’t blame you for thinking of adoption as a last resort – if for no other reason than you follow the journey of those of us going that road and know full well it isn’t the easy way out. Good luck!

  6. Gosh, DD, I so want this for you!
    All of my hope and prayers.

  7. Sorry to hear the difficult news. Sometimes it feels like the worst part of this whole process is not knowing what to do next. Hang in there.

  8. I’m really sorry. I think that every bit of bad news – expected or not – hits like a suckerpunch in the gut. Especially if it’s not the first bad news you’ve received.

    Take care of you, and be easy on yourself while you’re processing this new information.

  9. I’m so sorry, DD. George had almost those exact numbers at our last test; his problem is also poor morphology and fragmentation. It was really hard news for him to take and he can, to this day, barely talk about it. It might take some time, but you guys will get there.

  10. Oh DD, I’m so sorry. I hope Mr. DD takes it well once the information has processed. Don’t have guilt pangs over adoption being the last option. It isn’t the last option. These aren’t decisions you can make on your own — if it weren’t for the opinion of our men some of us would have an infinitely easier time coming by motherhood. You’ll be in my thoughts.

  11. I’m thinking of you. It’s the worst feeling to think that you’re never going to get even a small break. Hang in there. You’ve got a lot of perfect strangers pulling for you.

  12. Isn’t it just going to take him some time? Or do you think he will never get there?

    I know what you mean about adoptin as a last resort. I do think that for many people, that’s what it is, but then they come to see it as a great choice, a separate, not better or worse, path to having a family. If you read through karen (naked ovary’s) archives I think you can see that journey there. And the thing about all those hoops is that you definitely have a child at the end of it.

  13. I totally understand why you were sort of not wishing for excellent results — because now you have data, hard facts that may just make him confront this more rationally. Good luck with this.


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Posted by: DD | August 1, 2006

no. 241 – 43.0%

That’s the percentage of Mr. DD’s DNA fragmentation index on the semen sample.  On the report that was faxed, there are three boxes under the Estimate of Overall Sperm DNA Integrity:

  • Excellent Sperm DNA Integrity
  • Good Sperm DNA Integrity
  • Fair to Poor Sperm DNA Integrity

SCSA Diagnostics’ representative marked the box in front of Fair to Poor.

Part of the report included the following sentence:

Excluding female factors of which we have no knowledge, routine IVF or preferably ICSI may be the most appropriate ART procedure for Mr. DD and his partner, due to the fair to poor %DFI.

Great. Since we already went that route – twice – it’s fair to say that IVF/ICSI was not the most appropriate ART procedure. And I honestly don’t want to do that again.

I called Mr. DD on his cell with the results. He was neutral about the news and I didn’t feel it would have been appropriate to nag him about how or what he feels until he’s had time to digest the implications. Sure, he said he would consider donor, but I have to tell you that in my gut, I don’t think even this poor result will inspire him to give DI anymore than a sideways look.

While waiting for the results, I couldn’t believe I ever wished it to be anything but excellent. But I did. I wanted the percentage of fragmentation to be the kind of number that would inspire Mr. DD to consider more than just what we are doing in the quest for another child. But now that that possibility is upon me – on us – I dread the thought of going back to The Metro’s clinic with the proverbial tail between my legs and admit that most people who go through infertility do NOT spontaneously get pregnant on their own.

Not only that, but I feel like I am not giving enough credit to adoption by making it my option-of-last-resort. I know we all have this list mentally in our head as to what lengths we are willing to go and that it always includes, "And if all else fails, we’ll do _______". I just don’t think I have the energy to go another year+ jumping through hoops and enduring more road blocks.

Maybe I’m getting a little ahead of the Negative Nelly that exists in my head nearly 24 hours a day and Mr. DD will shock the shit out of me and announce he’s willing to try DI.  Then again, maybe not.


Responses

  1. What the hell kind of category is “fair to poor”????? Fair means something completely different than poor doesn’t it? I can imagine my students’ reactions if I told them they were doing fair to poor. Okay, so we know they’re not doing really well but short of that? Like what the ?????
    If you went the DI route would you do IVF again or not?
    Hope your partially blinded crows are recovering.
    DinoD

  2. I wish there were more options out there for us – including the natural one. Why does it have to be so hard for some of us (just came back from the playground and feel particularly down after watching fertility at its best)?

    By the way, I don’t know whether you have found any DI dads yet, but one posted on my blog once. His blog is:
    http://di-dad.blogspot.com/.

    Maybe he can give you and Mr. DD more insights?

  3. What Jennifer said. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re taking it one day at a time right now — please don’t feel like you need to be doing anything but getting through the next 24 hours worth of information.

  4. I’m sorry the test results were disappointing. I hope your hubby is open to all the options. And I don’t blame you for thinking of adoption as a last resort – if for no other reason than you follow the journey of those of us going that road and know full well it isn’t the easy way out. Good luck!

  5. Gosh, DD, I so want this for you!
    All of my hope and prayers.

  6. Oh, my heart goes out to you. And no, I don’t think you are getting ahead of yourself. You are being prepaerd and weighing out all of your options and possibilities. There is nothing wrong with that. I get you on the Negative Nelly. She’s always there to protect our hearts in case things don’t work out like they are ‘supposed to’.

  7. Thinking of you – I wish this was easier.

  8. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope that Mr DD does shock the shit out of you and agrees to DI. But I don’t think you’re making adoption a last-resort; from what you’ve said of your situation, Mr DD sounds more likely to agree to DI than adoption. I think you’re just being realistic about the best ways for you to have a bigger family. Whatever the future brings, I’m thinking of you.

  9. {{hugs}} Here’s hoping he surprises the hell out of you!

  10. Isn’t it just going to take him some time? Or do you think he will never get there?

    I know what you mean about adoptin as a last resort. I do think that for many people, that’s what it is, but then they come to see it as a great choice, a separate, not better or worse, path to having a family. If you read through karen (naked ovary’s) archives I think you can see that journey there. And the thing about all those hoops is that you definitely have a child at the end of it.

  11. I’m sorry the results were not good. I’m sorry 1000 times. I wish there was some way to change them, but in leiu of that, I hope you and Mr. DD can find a path that works for both of you.


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