Posted by: DD | August 11, 2006

no. 248 – Everything You Wanted to Know About Poop, But Were Afraid to Ask

In my ruminations to come up with a post topic, which is being inspired by the thought that either a serious, whiny, mopey post or Googledefined research project had absolutely no appeal, I stumbled into some poo.

Any new mother will tell you that poop is at the forefront of day-to-day goings-ons with their babies. It’s not so much as that they as women/mothers have an innate interest. Instead it becomes integrated into our heads from the moment Baby is brought to them from the birth canal (or incision) that we need to make sure they are breathing, that they are eating, and most certainly, pooping. This obsession is drilled into our heads with each visit (first weekly, then monthly, then quarterly) to the pediatrician, who will without fail, ask how many times Baby has pooped each day on the average.

Mr. DD and I created business sized cards that were given in gross to the care-giver that was supposed to provide us feedback on X’s mood, any milestones, last bottle and a line for number of dirty diapers X produced. Looking back now I’m sure she probably made up arbitrary numbers since she had nothing else to do but track by hatch marks the number of poops the three babies in her ward were producing at that time.

By the time X was six months old, I was making up numbers as well. X was a poop machine, never going a day without at least one production. Sure his head was larger than life, and he sat up late, rolled over late, but when a friend of mine would bemoan the fact her baby would go days without pooping and the endless home-remedies they would try including the "elimination" of bananas and formula, I would revel in the fact that X could poop with the best of them.

Now he is 4 1/2. His poops are massive, glorious testaments to his body’s ability. At the old house, our toilets were not top-grade appliances, so it was not uncommon to find that 1.6 gallons of water, standard flushing volume, was rarely enough to finish things off. A "two-flush" poop is rather impressive for a pre-schooler. Luckily, the new house has better toilets and we are back to a water-saving one flush.

The reason I started all this thinking about poops was because it is sweet-corn season. Actually, it is nearly the end of it here. For any of you who have eaten corn, whether straight from the cob or from your grocer’s freezer, you will note that corn has some innate ability – much like cockroaches – to survive a nuclear disaster and trips through the colon…or so I thought.

Here’s where I actually researched "corn in poop" via Google. This site was the number one result and I read through it and actually learned something about poop. It’s somewhat like how many of us talk about our reproduction organs using anything-but-the scientific terminology. We discuss the facts so that the average layman can understand (if it wasn’t for the effin acronyms!). Same here. I found it all very professional and informative without having to read "fecal" a million times over.

So, if you ever had a question about poop like why is it a certain color, which can range from any color of the rainbow to black and white; or why does some poop float; and even why does it appear that corn does not digest, this, my friends, is the site for you. I should add that I could not find it in me to click through the images. But really, why bother? I have seen the grandest poops in the world emit from my wonderful son. I don’t need to see the sub-par poops of others.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. I, for one, can’t wait to wade my way through the poop site. The Boy does not poop everyday, and never has. He’s an every other day kind of pooper. It’s just normal for him and I’d like to know why. Nobody’s ever been concerned about it. Now I must say that I’ve had a “crappy” week at work and this was just the proper way to end it!

  2. Wow, you know me well, this site is right up my alley.

    My son poops like a champ, but my daughter is like her Mom and is constipated all. the. time.

  3. Thanks for the link. I’ve passed it on to The-Husband. This is really his area of expertise. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Ha! Loved that site.

  5. J was a once a weeker for most if his infancy. That was ugly in its own rights.

    I’ll try to get the nerve to check that site. For someone who used to guillotine rats, I feel squeemish. (Wuss.)

  6. I’m regretting that I have to leave for work now; I can’t wait to come back and learn about poop. Thank you so very much, DD. You’re the best.
    ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Who needs that book learning, really? The poop education begins.

  8. This post is good shit.

    The corn referral reminds me of when my 1 1/2 year old pooped on the play room floor while I was running her bath. I came to find her and she was examining the corn in her poo. She picked a piece off the top and went to put it in her mouth. I dive-bommed across the room and smacked her hand away just in time. Itโ€™s a good story to tell her future boyfriends. Donโ€™t ya think?

  9. Well, I know where I’m doing all my Xmas shopping: FartMart!

  10. You are hilarious. I’m planning on reading this one again when I’m drunk just for laughs!

  11. Oh my LORD! You make me laugh so “stinking” hard! Ok, ok, since we’re talking about it, bananas actually MAKE Dotter-S poop like a champ! Serious! And she luvs those damn things, too! She’d eat ’em all day if I let her.

    Must be something in the blogosphere b/c http://www.flipflopmamma.blogspot.com talked about it this week, too. But hers was all about adults & the public/ private issue.

    Jennifer’s comment above really made me LOL, too!

  12. Thanks, I needed the comic relief!

    How funny!

    As an aside, this also proves how alike children and the elderly are . . . old folks are preoccupied with poop as well. I remember this from my young student nurse days and how mortified I was that every old person wanted to discuss their poop or lack of it with me, the girl in the pressed white uniform.

  13. A 2 flush poop…from a preschooler?

    Man, I bet Mr. DD is proud!

    Now I’m off to search the poop site.

  14. LOL. My ex-sister-in-law (whom I love dearly) actually sent pics of her daughter’s “big poop”. An enormously large poop for a 2 yr old child, but still…send pics to family?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Posted by: DD | August 11, 2006

no. 248 – Everything You Wanted to Know About Poop, But Were Afraid to Ask

In my ruminations to come up with a post topic, which is being inspired by the thought that either a serious, whiny, mopey post or Googledefined research project had absolutely no appeal, I stumbled into some poo.

Any new mother will tell you that poop is at the forefront of day-to-day goings-ons with their babies. It’s not so much as that they as women/mothers have an innate interest. Instead it becomes integrated into our heads from the moment Baby is brought to them from the birth canal (or incision) that we need to make sure they are breathing, that they are eating, and most certainly, pooping. This obsession is drilled into our heads with each visit (first weekly, then monthly, then quarterly) to the pediatrician, who will without fail, ask how many times Baby has pooped each day on the average.

Mr. DD and I created business sized cards that were given in gross to the care-giver that was supposed to provide us feedback on X’s mood, any milestones, last bottle and a line for number of dirty diapers X produced. Looking back now I’m sure she probably made up arbitrary numbers since she had nothing else to do but track by hatch marks the number of poops the three babies in her ward were producing at that time.

By the time X was six months old, I was making up numbers as well. X was a poop machine, never going a day without at least one production. Sure his head was larger than life, and he sat up late, rolled over late, but when a friend of mine would bemoan the fact her baby would go days without pooping and the endless home-remedies they would try including the "elimination" of bananas and formula, I would revel in the fact that X could poop with the best of them.

Now he is 4 1/2. His poops are massive, glorious testaments to his body’s ability. At the old house, our toilets were not top-grade appliances, so it was not uncommon to find that 1.6 gallons of water, standard flushing volume, was rarely enough to finish things off. A "two-flush" poop is rather impressive for a pre-schooler. Luckily, the new house has better toilets and we are back to a water-saving one flush.

The reason I started all this thinking about poops was because it is sweet-corn season. Actually, it is nearly the end of it here. For any of you who have eaten corn, whether straight from the cob or from your grocer’s freezer, you will note that corn has some innate ability – much like cockroaches – to survive a nuclear disaster and trips through the colon…or so I thought.

Here’s where I actually researched "corn in poop" via Google. This site was the number one result and I read through it and actually learned something about poop. It’s somewhat like how many of us talk about our reproduction organs using anything-but-the scientific terminology. We discuss the facts so that the average layman can understand (if it wasn’t for the effin acronyms!). Same here. I found it all very professional and informative without having to read "fecal" a million times over.

So, if you ever had a question about poop like why is it a certain color, which can range from any color of the rainbow to black and white; or why does some poop float; and even why does it appear that corn does not digest, this, my friends, is the site for you. I should add that I could not find it in me to click through the images. But really, why bother? I have seen the grandest poops in the world emit from my wonderful son. I don’t need to see the sub-par poops of others.


Responses

  1. Hilarious! I can’t wait to read all about it.

  2. Nothing screams “bookmark me now” like a poop site, don’t you think?

  3. Why do poop tales make me laugh?
    When you brought up the corn I’m thinking, ‘I know DD is from a rural upbringing, but I’m sure she’s heard of Charmin by now.’ Wink.
    Oh, btw, corn makes me gassy. Is there a link?

  4. Thanks for the link. I’ve passed it on to The-Husband. This is really his area of expertise. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Ha! Loved that site.

  6. J was a once a weeker for most if his infancy. That was ugly in its own rights.

    I’ll try to get the nerve to check that site. For someone who used to guillotine rats, I feel squeemish. (Wuss.)

  7. I’m regretting that I have to leave for work now; I can’t wait to come back and learn about poop. Thank you so very much, DD. You’re the best.
    ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Who needs that book learning, really? The poop education begins.

  9. This post is good shit.

    The corn referral reminds me of when my 1 1/2 year old pooped on the play room floor while I was running her bath. I came to find her and she was examining the corn in her poo. She picked a piece off the top and went to put it in her mouth. I dive-bommed across the room and smacked her hand away just in time. Itโ€™s a good story to tell her future boyfriends. Donโ€™t ya think?

  10. Well, I know where I’m doing all my Xmas shopping: FartMart!

  11. You are hilarious. I’m planning on reading this one again when I’m drunk just for laughs!

  12. Oh my LORD! You make me laugh so “stinking” hard! Ok, ok, since we’re talking about it, bananas actually MAKE Dotter-S poop like a champ! Serious! And she luvs those damn things, too! She’d eat ’em all day if I let her.

    Must be something in the blogosphere b/c http://www.flipflopmamma.blogspot.com talked about it this week, too. But hers was all about adults & the public/ private issue.

    Jennifer’s comment above really made me LOL, too!

  13. Thanks, I needed the comic relief!

    How funny!

    As an aside, this also proves how alike children and the elderly are . . . old folks are preoccupied with poop as well. I remember this from my young student nurse days and how mortified I was that every old person wanted to discuss their poop or lack of it with me, the girl in the pressed white uniform.

  14. Still laughing! One thing about twins you talk a lot more about poop as there is a lot of it!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Wow a toddler that is a 2 flusher, wait till he becomes a teenager!

    Take care

  15. Finally, an answer as to why dogs eat poop.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: