Posted by: DD | September 26, 2006

no. 280 – I Loves Me Some Google

If having a stats counter is good for only one thing, it’s checking out the google searches. I’ve had my share of sickos, the pathetic, and just plain odd. Every time I get a hit from "period 4 days late" I imagine it’s some girl who was getting jiggy wit’ it a couple weeks ago under the bleachers and now wonders what could it possibly mean! Here’s a tip from me to you: if your period is 4 days late (and for some reason, I get all the variations of those words [period 4 days late, 4 days late period, period late four days, etc.]), then I suggest you run down to the drugstore and get thee some pregnancy tests, post haste. Could any of you imagine waiting four. whole. days. after you expected your period to take a pregnancy test? Who are these freaks?!

I also get at least one a week that is "spell repoire". Oh, how I laugh!

But every once in a while I get something about "losing a toe". Dude, if you are googling about losing a toe, I don’t think you are going to find it on the internet. You need to seek medical help.

Today, I got this variation:

"Stubbing a  toe associated with pregnancy."

Uh…no. Stubbing your toe is normally associated with having no grace or it’s dark. I would not take this as a method to either predict pregnancy, prevent pregnancy or increase your chances at pregnancy…unless you’re into foot fetishes and S&M.



  1. MFH has a foot fetish, and I don’t understand it at all. It’s a foot. Yes, it’s manicured and all, but it’s still ugly.

  2. My oddest google search was “large boobs melons ant smashed” What kind of a freak???

    And yes, just for posterity, I am the number one result.

    Maybe I’m the freak?

  3. If stubbing ones toe was an indication of pregnancy, I’d have my own TV show on TLC.

  4. Maybe, just maybe the MALE stubbed his toe on the bedpost, and fell on FEMALE thereby impregnating her????? You *could* theoretically associate stubbing a toe with pregnancy. HA!

  5. Dude…I get the strangest searches too. Such as:

    “photo lady lick sperm” – for some reason this is a popular one for me.
    “photo of one most beautiful and bare girl”
    “dr. laura naked picture” – um, EW!
    “bare ass” – another big hit
    And for the icing on the cake “tongue fuck” which happens my way more than it should.

    I’m not sure why all the perverts land in my direction. I swear the human race really scares me sometimes.

  6. Ahh, why I love to block google. I can’t deal with the weird searches. Plus, it’s not like Statia is a common name.

  7. I get some bizarre ones – they are so fun to read but they do make me fear for my fellow man!

  8. Yes, I love looking at search terms. My biggest sicko was “I f* my step-daughter” (except it used the word.. that’s what I get for swearing a lot I suppose). Pretty messed up.

  9. Stubbing a toe associated with pregnancy?

    Maybe because your belly’s so big you can’t see the coffee table?

  10. Man you make me laugh!! 🙂

  11. Stubbing a toe? But that’s how I got pregnant. That and a lot of drugs.

  12. There’s a line from the Bette Midlar movie Stella where she’s found out she’s pregnant and that’s what she says. “She stubbed her toe.” I suppose it means it was an accident that caused you to trip, just on a grander scale since it was a trip in her life and not just in the living room?

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