Posted by: DD | October 4, 2006

no. 285 – Meh

Thinker I feel as if I must post something, but really I’ve got nothing to say. Rather unusual for me to go this long (which is really only two weekdays), but unusual nonetheless. And actually for those of you who subscribe to Another Child know that I’ve been talking about me behind my back.

I guess I feel as if I owe this 2WW some kind of reverence, as it’s been a long time coming. As silly as that sounds, it’s not because I am afraid to bring on some bad ju-ju by talking smack about the possibilities – slim though they may be. I just feel as if it will be one big build up followed by one very expected let-down.

As for the details of the "DUI" itself, there’s not much to tell, especially if you have ever experienced a IUI. I waited in the lobby for about 40 min. while they thawed our sample and Mr. DD took X out to breakfast. I sat an additional 15 minutes in the procedure room before Dr. Blinksalot came in with a six-pack and told me that post-thaw everything looked good. OK. So it wasn’t a six-pack, but just a cooler that holds a six-pack if one were attending an outdoor picnic. I took another 15 minutes of laying around, post IUI, and then we left amongst a few "good luck, DD" comments tossed out from the staff.

So here it is – 4DP0DT (4 days post 0 day transfer). I guess that’s not the appropriate acronym, but it’s my blog, I can do what I want. Thank you to those who contacted me for more info before I did this post. It means a lot to me that you are thinking of me, but I can’t help but feel a little "blah" about these past few days as well as probably feeling even more "blah" by next weekend. Yes, I am resigned to failure. I haven’t even filled my progesterone suppository script (I wonder if I should take the fact that they didn’t suggest I do injections this time around to how even my doctor feels it’s probably overkill for something that very well will fail?). Let’s just say, I’m already planning on how we will do things a little different on the next cycle.

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Responses

  1. Well . . . shit. Although I will admit that I can’t help feeling a wee bit optimistic for you, I understand your resignation.

  2. I’m having the same ambivalence about taking my prenatals. The cheerleader in me tells me I should start, give myself a few weeks to build up a folic acid stash, but then…who can be bothered? It would be like admitting that I’m starting to try again, getting into all that. And I’m not quite mentally ready. But then I think, folic acid is linked to some SIF stuff and I scare myself. Not enough to take the prenates, mind you.

    Could the no-injection thing have anything to do with the fact that suppositories deliver more progesterone to where it’s needed anyway? I’m not sure if that’s what you were talking about, so forgive any ignorance on my part. I’ve only ever done oral prog., so I may not be up to speed.

    Does your resignation mean that I have to uncross my bits? Because I’ve been rather enjoying the sensation, especially on bumpy car rides.

  3. I thought they generally only do PIO in IVF, not IUI? I hear you on having a hard time mustering energy to be excited or disappointed or anything. Sometimes, its too much work to be invested in it. Yesterday, when I saw my doctor to plan my FET, I made a comment to the nurses about “let’s just get this miscarriage over with already.” I think they were a bit horrified that I wasn’t rah rah gung-ho.

  4. Oh, and I guess you and I have traded places re: posting. I had only been posting once a week, and now I’m posting more than once a day and I think that’s throwing everyone off. Guess I have a lot to get off my chest- LOL.

  5. DD, this IF shit is just so hard. Like most we have had hope (in the past), it’s just that we’ve fallen so hard so many times, that we (at least I) also need to do some self-preservation.

    I’ve never done an IUI, but I think since you actually ovulate you probably produce much more progesterone on your own than during an IVF cycle (where the corpi lutei – or whatever- get damaged by surgically removing the eggs). So, progesterone supplements may not be as crucial. Also, my doctor claims that there is no sign. difference between taking prog. suppositories and shots. Though, should I ever get past a transfer I will demand shots. Last time I started to bleed while being on suppositories. Bummer.

    good luck, DD!

  6. My fingers are crossed that a “next cycle” won’t be in your future. Hang in there.

  7. I feel much the same way about cycles right I hope that the insemination worked just the way it’s supposed to, but can completely understand where you’re coming from.

  8. I didn’t want to ask because I would have felt the same way you did. Just know that we’re sending fetile thoughts and prayers your way. We’ll be right here for you one way or the other.

    In the meantime, keep using this as an excuse to get as much rest as possible. Milk it for all it’s worth, baby! If you get good news, you’ll have already set the stage for the next year or so.

  9. I don’t think they ever do PIO for IUI, I always had the suppositories. I think you don’t need as much for IUI because your body naturally produces the progesterone because you ovulated – when they suck the eggs out it apparently confuses your body and you don’t produce the progesterone. So it’s not a bad sign at all. As long as Mean Fran didn’t touch the samples you’re ok!

  10. So just wanna echo what everyone else said about the no pio for iuis. You’re producing your own progesterone because you have a corpeus luteum (you don’t with ivf) so you don’t need as much.

    Holding thumbs for ya.

  11. It’s just a form of self preservation to tie up and gag that Hope chick in a corner somewhere.

    We’ll do the hoping for you.

    Hang in there.

  12. PS: they don’t do PIO for IUI at my clinic either. I just hate the suppositories THAT much that I tell them I’d rather have a needle in the butt. They humor me. Alot.

    But then I am a crazy girl who seeks out misery. (Not really.)

  13. I really hope you get a pleasant surprise…but if not, we are all still here rooting for you!

  14. Hey, I’ve been following your comments through Mama Drama and finally had a chance to visit!

    I’m sending the good karma your way that enabled me to get my little Bethany, miracle that she is. I totally believe in passing it on, and it certainly was passed to me or I still would be a kitty mommy only. I just want to encourage you: don’t give up! Believe!!

  15. You’ve been on my mind and I’m not giving up hope just yet.

  16. You *know* that I am holding good thoughts for you. Keep your chin up!

    Luv ya,
    Cat

  17. I never now what youa re talking about with the iui and iuv and the wwjd,but you know I am always sending good luck and prayers.

  18. I too am already looking towards next cycle… and I hate that feeling. I hope you don’t need a next cycle… as that would be simply put – fabulous!

  19. It will work this time. You’ll have a June ’07 baby. I know it!

  20. I’m thinking of you and hoping that you will be pleasantly surprised. Hoping it a LOT.


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