Posted by: DD | October 13, 2006

no. 293 – Retail Therapy

Who knew that my retail therapy from last Saturday would prove so beneficial nearly a week later? I already mentioned to a few of you via emails how Saturday I was going to try to thoroughly drown my sorrows incurred by just another crap cycle and drink myself either under the table or on top of it – depending of course on the quantity and quality of said drink(s). Oreos are fine in the confines of one’s home, but I don’t want to worry about corrupting my son’s young mind by watching Mommy get blitzed and cry in her wine/beer/martini or whatever I can find in my pantry, so I’m going to do it in the relative privacy of a full-flown fundraising event for a parochial school.

I actually had not planned on buying a new outfit for the occasion. I just don’t care who is impressed or not by how I look (yes, I’m trying to convince myself). I also have a tendency to give other women the mental "Do" and "Don’t" black rectangle over their eyes at such events. I marvel at their unbelievable choice of semi- to formal dress (Mel, I could sure use your camaraderie here). Every year there’s at least one woman who apparently refers back to her prom picture from 1982 in order to do her mall-hair and select her poofy-shouldered, could-double-as-a-really-bad-bridesmaid dress. Then there’s the tasteless tart who wears the chain-mail halter top making sure to show off to it’s full glory the thorn-wrapped rose tattoo with a banner reading Daddy’s Girl under it.

After helping a friend find a dress, she said I should try some on for fun. So we picked some of the most ridiculous ones we could find and we giggled like school girls as one-by-one I would try them on and strut out of the dressing room to twirl in front of the 3-way mirror. One of the dresses was a black animal print/burn out dress with a full length skirt. Pretty but a little wild for my taste. But when I put it on, I was like "wow! I look hot!" and when I came out of the dressing room, my friend, the department clerk and the size 2 girl with her overbearing Mom stared. Oh, yes, I brag my friends because I hadn’t looked this good since 1993.

She twisted my arm and I became the proud owner of a dress I will have to wear for the next nine years to get my moneys worth from. Here’s a photo essay of my an-sam-blay:Cheapearrings

Cheapie earrings from one of those crazy, cramped ‘tween jewelry stores. Since I’m wearing my hair down, I figure it’s just enough dangly to show that I bothered.


I saw a clutch very similar to the one pictured at the store I bought my dress. It was 10x more than what I paid for it at tarjay. It’s more muted in life since the flash brings out all the different colors of beadwork. Nothing says Slut like a beaded faux-zebra print.

Clshoes The shoes are ch1neze laundry. Even though I think they are pretty cool, no one will probably notice since my dress is long. I’m sure my feet will be killing me by the end of the night. It’s been a few years since I’ve bought myself 3" heels. Zoom in and get a fine view of my 2-day stubble and sock marks. Sexxxxxxy.

Dressme_2 After taking this picture, I realized the camera does add 10 pounds (or more) and underboob and an unmade bed and lack of window treatment.  None of those things are there when I’m not looking through the lens.

I think I have a cardigan I can wear, if not, I know Mr. DD has a sweatshirt that’s black. And how did I fail to remember that it’s October…in Nebraska!

Do you think it’s too early to work on getting some liquid confidence?



  1. you’ll be the prettiest one there!
    Until the vodka gimlets kick in & your mascara runs….
    Also, LOVE the wall color in the earring/purse/shoe picture.

  2. If you’re another ten pounds less than this picture in real life, then I am REALLY really jealous! You look great. Love the shoes most of all, but really like the whole outfit.

    Have fun!

  3. I wish I could gain 10 pounds like that! 🙂

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with retail therapy. I have done that a lot in my life. It was like, “well, since I’m not a Mom, I can afford to …” For whatever reason, makeup was my pick me up during the midst of Ally’s first three months.

    You look simply beautiful – even without a head. 🙂

  4. Hey thanks for taking your socks off to take that shoe photo. Are you really the owner of a highboy that’s taller than you? You look hot.

  5. Wowza. You look fab. Why didn’t you go shopping for a head? I’d love to see the whole effect. [I am sincerely sorry I am such a smart ass.]

    I like the shoes the best. You could always wear knee highs to keep the skin indents.

    So you drink vodka gimlets? I went through a gimlet stage, that one time I… nevermind.

  6. Wow!! Impressive cleavage!! You look really great. Are you going to have a drink in our honor? lol. Have fun!

  7. Dear Gnarly Troll in Animal Print
    So what’s wrong with a “chain-mail halter top” precisely? I need to know these things.
    And a cardigan???? Please – do not become a don’t (blacked out rectangle).
    Have fun – we will want a report.
    The Skanky Ho who refuses to type in her damn information everytime she comments

  8. Woohoo – retail therapy rocks. And you look fabulous! Adds 10 pounds? Then I hate you. Hehe

  9. You look amazing and those shoes…ah! What Shoes!!

  10. Love the outfit- you DO look hot! Retail therapy is sometimes just what the dr. ordered:) Take care, Leslie

  11. You are one hot mamma. Hope the party is fun and that drowning your sorrows help.

  12. I have to admit this – I got a little weak in the knees (with envy) looking at those shoes. O..M..G.. hot! (and the dress, and tha momma in it… they’re not so bad, either)

  13. Dude! You’re a MILF!!! I had no idea!

  14. You look HOT! I wish the camera would add 10 pounds like that for me…

    Retail therapy is a very good thing.

  15. DD, You look marvelous! Have a great time!!!

  16. Holy Crap! You look awesome. Animal prints are definitely your thing.

  17. We shall never be friends in real life. I LOVE a faux zebra print – I have some fabulous faux zebra shoes that you could have borrowed for your ensemble, yet you insist on making fun of my taste. tsk tsk.

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