Posted by: DD | October 16, 2006

no. 295 – 2nd Beta (& Scheduled 3rd)

*** Edited ***

I circumvented my clinic and called the lab directly for my beta results. I did call the clinic first but they said they didn’t have them yet. I can’t give too  many details, but let’s just say having a lab tech for a friend has its advantages.

I had already written this off. My symptoms were nil this morning compared to Saturday and even yesterday. I made fervent prayers each night before going to bed trying to make all sorts of deals with God which started with "If You would just let this happen I will never ask anything of You again." Admit it, we all have at one time or another. And because I wanted this so badly, I wasn’t going to dare offer up any deals to the devil. He’s already fucked up my life enough.

You have all been so beautiful. So hopeful. Every time I read through the comments, I cry. I know that finding out I had a positive beta, low as it was, probably made some of you feel envy. I know I feel a little every time I read about someone’s positive. I’m incredibly happy for them, but inside of me is a tiny blister of envy and usually I can poke a hole in it and let out the yuk so it can heal.

My friend who gave me the news has been through this herself. When I started to cry, she said I need to go down the hall to the chapel on my floor and say a prayer. She said she will do the same.

My beta was 64. Still low for 16 DPO, and just shy of doubling. The odds are still low, but if you are the praying type (or even if you’re like me, and no-so-much), your prayers, especially now, would be appreciated.

*** Edited: This will probably be one of the longest weeks of my life. After our first IVF when we got the 2nd beta results which were poor, they did the 3rd beta 48 hours later. Ironically, the days of testing those results and these results for the first and second beta were exactly the same (first on Saturday, 2nd on Monday). My third beta which should be definitive is Saturday. I may as well take the week off from work as my ability to concentrate will be sucking ass. Sounds pleasant, no? ***



  1. I’ve got everything crossed for you.

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