Posted by: DD | October 16, 2006

no. 295 – 2nd Beta (& Scheduled 3rd)

*** Edited ***

I circumvented my clinic and called the lab directly for my beta results. I did call the clinic first but they said they didn’t have them yet. I can’t give too  many details, but let’s just say having a lab tech for a friend has its advantages.

I had already written this off. My symptoms were nil this morning compared to Saturday and even yesterday. I made fervent prayers each night before going to bed trying to make all sorts of deals with God which started with "If You would just let this happen I will never ask anything of You again." Admit it, we all have at one time or another. And because I wanted this so badly, I wasn’t going to dare offer up any deals to the devil. He’s already fucked up my life enough.

You have all been so beautiful. So hopeful. Every time I read through the comments, I cry. I know that finding out I had a positive beta, low as it was, probably made some of you feel envy. I know I feel a little every time I read about someone’s positive. I’m incredibly happy for them, but inside of me is a tiny blister of envy and usually I can poke a hole in it and let out the yuk so it can heal.

My friend who gave me the news has been through this herself. When I started to cry, she said I need to go down the hall to the chapel on my floor and say a prayer. She said she will do the same.

My beta was 64. Still low for 16 DPO, and just shy of doubling. The odds are still low, but if you are the praying type (or even if you’re like me, and no-so-much), your prayers, especially now, would be appreciated.

*** Edited: This will probably be one of the longest weeks of my life. After our first IVF when we got the 2nd beta results which were poor, they did the 3rd beta 48 hours later. Ironically, the days of testing those results and these results for the first and second beta were exactly the same (first on Saturday, 2nd on Monday). My third beta which should be definitive is Saturday. I may as well take the week off from work as my ability to concentrate will be sucking ass. Sounds pleasant, no? ***

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Responses

  1. I shall hope, my friend, as hard as I have ever hoped for myself. *hugs*

  2. Oh. Crap.

    How so until you do another beta?

  3. Consider it done, my dear. Big hug.

  4. I’ve been refreshing like a madman to get this news. I did not do all the fertility stuff, as you know, so most of the numbers and letters are Greek to me – which may be a good thing as I can still hold out hope for you.

  5. I’ve been praying and hoping for you since reading your post on Sunday. You are right about how it feels when you read about another’s positive. My fist thought was I’m so so happy for DD but a part of me is sad for myself and the rest of us. I will be checking back for more good news!!

  6. You betcha!
    I’ll pray for you.
    Heck, I might even light a candle.

  7. Dear Gnarly Troll
    Well, this is more hopeful then Saturday. It would have been nice to see the doubling a little sooner but the rule is doubling by 48-72 hours so you’re still in it. And remember – it’s an IUI so even with the trigger, it’s likely to be a little slower then with IVF.
    I’m not the praying type – sorry. But I will hope and send lots of good vibes (being a child of the 60s and all that).
    SH (aka DinoD)

  8. Definitely keeping you in my thoughts.

  9. Will keep hoping, wishing and praying for you and all of us in the IF boat…

  10. I will hope for you with everything I have.

  11. I remember praying for my numbers to double when they told me I had a slim chance of not really haveing a miscarriage, so i knwo *a little* of what it is like.

    I will hope and send some white light to you.

  12. I don’t pray usually but for you, of course I will.

  13. You know you have mine!

  14. I’m praying for you and this baby. It’s funny, but when you posted that you had a beta of 33, the little blister of envy never formed for me. I am just hoping and hoping that this works out.

  15. I don’t pray but I will send as many thoughts your way as I possibly can.

    And there might be a twinge of jealousy but it doesn’t phase me because I adore you so much.

  16. I’ve got everything crossed for you.

  17. Hoping that the best outcome possible is what comes from all your patience. Thinking of you and offering prayers to whoever will listen to me. (too much time spent with the devil, hopefully that won’t rub off on you.)

  18. Hoping, praying, crossing my fingers, etc, etc. I SO want this to work for you. Please, pretty please?

  19. I’m not the praying type, but my fingers are firmly crossed for you.

  20. I consider that doubling. Of course I don’t really know much about betas, but I do think your odds look much better now, DD. Much better!

  21. I agree with Kati. And I am the praying kind so you’ve got mine. 😉

  22. Oh, I’m actually more hopeful now. Good on the little embyro that could, it’s hanging in there. Keep it up, little person.

  23. Can’t you just walk into the clinic on weds and throw a hissy fit and demand that they see you? Very cruel to make you (and us, of course, don’t forget about us) wait til saturday.

  24. Nothing but good wishes and positive thoughts headed your way! 🙂

  25. Oh yeah, you can bet I’m praying and I have candles lit for you!!!

  26. I’m generally not the praying type, but I have no trouble being so now.

  27. I will keep you in my thoughts! What a crazy rollercoster of events – I think we need the valium for the 2ww wait! I really hope this works for you guys, but I know it will be a while before you are any bit reassured, and for that I am sorry. Regardless, this gives me hope that this will work for you guys!

  28. At least you’ll have a nice quiet place to google for positive beta stories!

  29. I am another person who doesn`t really understand what betas and all these numbers are but I am praying so hard right now that the numbers improve.

  30. I am full of hope for you.

  31. I’m not a big pray-er but this is definitely a worthy occasion! Sending you all sorts of positive thoughts and prayers.

  32. Oh, DD, we all want this so much for you. I hope that the next number is UP, not down, and nicely up to boot. I know it’s hard for you to hope, but you have a whole bunch of us out here who are hoping for you.

  33. Well you know me… I’m here hoping, praying, wishing etc etc… they’re waiting till Saturday to test? Seriously – I don’t know that I can wait that long for results. In all seriousness I am truly hoping, praying and wishing that this will be a big happy event for you guys.

  34. Praying doesn’t even close to what I am doing. I’m praying squared! I full of hope!

  35. You are wonderful. Here is wishing you all of my prayers (and I don’t usually) and insane amounts of luck. And? If it does not happen… You are STILL wonderful!

  36. Am hoping hoping hoping. Agree with Thalia. Can’t you throw the fit. V. unpleasing to let you (and us) wait this long. Good decision though to have taken the week off. No way you could concentrate on ANYTHING.

    Am not the praying type, but lighting candles in local church has proven to be quite the hope-enhancer around here. So, am off to do my lighting business.

    Oh I am thinking about you so much and wish I could do anything to make this week go by faster :S.

    Hugs!

  37. Wishing hoping praying . . .

  38. I’ll be praying for you all week. Praying for a positive outcome and praying for this week to speed by quickly.

  39. I have no words. I’m not much of a pray-er, but I’ll be over here hoping you become an HCG-making-maCHINE in the next few days.

    And the obligatory “It can happen, I promise”: my levels with G were just shy of doubling. Obviously, that wasn’t as significant as it felt at the time. I haven’t lost hope for you.


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