Posted by: DD | October 17, 2006

no. 296 – Somehow This Has Turned Into a 3WW

I actually made it through yesterday without any major breakdowns in the bathroom and my wad of silly putty that acts as my stress ball remained untouched from it’s perch on my computer riser. This morning I am eying it with longing. I love how when it’s just a tad cold it breaks with a satisfying "snap". It just isn’t the same when it gets all stringy and warm.

I googled low betas until I could google no more. I found the same answers site after site: low betas either indicate ectopic pregnancies or they lead to perfectly normal births. What I could not find was anything indicating the odds or studies that show X beta = Y% risk in pregnancy.

When the clinic finally called me I have to admit, Nurse Suzy’s voice did nothing to bolster my confidence. She said the numbers are most likely indicative to a singleton (which, duh! there was only one egg – and yes, I know that it can split and all that, but again, duh).

Here’s a little Beta 101 as explained by DD: a beta is the common name for the quantitative blood test to determine the level of the hCG (pregnancy hormone). Anything over a 5 is considered positive. For IVFs in the U.S., a beta is required at the end of the 2WW because of the regulations on ART by the CDC, however IUIs don’t have quite the stringent record keeping so not all clinics do a beta, unless there’s a positive pee stick.

I have not allowed myself to think of the future beyond Saturday. When I feel myself imagining what could be, I squash the thought as if it were nothing more than a gnat buzzing around my head. I have not even bothered to calculate what my beta number should be if it does double accordingly by Saturday. I’ll wait for the number and then do the crunching. Why test my mathematical skills when by Saturday the beta may only be 70 or worse yet, 10?

Someone also suggested peeing on sticks until Saturday to see if the line gets darker. That’d be great *if* the line did get darker, but what if it got lighter?? Hay-zeus, like I need that mindfuck! I thought maybe I could use the HPTs and before the results would come up, tucking them away until later, but I just know I would never have enough willpower to NOT look.

I’m now looking for diversions. I did not take the week off from work as that certainly wouldn’t help. It’s just too bad for my employer since I know I’ll only be functioning at 50% brain matter this week, at best. In the grand scheme of things, that actually might be an increase.

So expect even more rambling and pointless posts from this end. On the bright side, that only means about three more posts – at the most – for you to suffer through before Saturday. See? When I put it that way it doesn’t seem so long, well, except maybe for you. Keep up the praying, sacrifices, chanting, or whatever it is you do that may cause significant eye-rolling for those around you.

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Responses

  1. So you don’t do a beta test every two days? That is what I had to do, that is why I am asking.

    As always my positive thinking is with you.

  2. Okay, crazy question here, but is there a Planned Parenthood in your ‘hood. Because the one here will do a test for $5. I heart Planned Parenthood.

  3. Ok, I made myself wait all day (til now) to check your blog 😉 I think I’m *almost* as anxious at you! Ok, well, probably not quite, but still.

  4. How agonizing to have to wait until Saturday. I’m impatiently waiting with you. I’m also hoping you get good news on Saturday.

  5. Here’s hoping for high numbers!!! I’ll be praying for you!

  6. I had no idea you had to have a beta in the US. Makes quite a change from here, when they didn’t even know what a beta was.

    As for the second line getting lighter or darker – I was under the impression it made no difference when it comes to initial viability. When I first tested my lines got increasingly lighter, which naturally made me panic. I’ve been trawling through my archived comments so I could point you to exactly who said it. I think Thalia, and naturally she can be trusted because she knows everything.

    I hope time passes very quickly for you. We all know how agonising these bloody waits can be.

  7. Instead of googling about beta numbers, how about googling child abuse laws in Montana for me? Between the two of us, we should be able to come up with just how much trouble I would get into for keeping T.B. locked up for the next 5 years.

    Or teenage boy chastity belts?

    How’s that for distraction?

  8. Holy shit, DD. Oh my gosh. I was sick and out of the loop for a bit.

    I’m really pulling for you, for what that’s worth. I can’t imagine how crazy the wait is and I hope it flies by for you. How is your husband taking all of this? What does he have to say about it?

  9. I wish I live nearby. I’m in my own depressive funk right now reliving ancient history AKA hell on earth, and not feeling so great. Want to meet at a bar in Indiana somewhere (that’s a good half-way point, right?), tomorrow night? Oh wait, you can’t drink right now. Damn.
    Ah well. Keep your chin up. That’s all I can offer. Oh, and maybe check out new blogs? Whenever I don’t feel like thinking about my own life and none of the 125 links on Bloglines have updated, I just start messing around with other people’s links and see where I land.
    As for work- they’ll just have to deal.

  10. Wow…see what happens when I don’t check blogs for several days? I am cautiously optimistic for you, how’s that?

  11. I hate that wait after a low beta or a bad u/s. It is so tough. I am thinking of you and hoping for good things.

  12. I’ll be checking in daily and you know there’s a lot of good vibes being hurled your way right now. Hang in there.

  13. God DD, reading this made me remember that panicky, stomach-sick feeling when peeing on a stick. I, along with the tribe, am hoping for the best for you…

    Look at work this way…it’s there to entertain you this week and get you through. Any actual work that gets done is entirely incidental and to be appreciated by your superiors as the gift it is.

  14. I have been so involved in my own issues, that I haven’t been reading blogs like I should have and then I came here. Keep hope, keep faith. Rememeber by Betas:

    42: 13dpo
    71: 15dpo
    109: 17dpo
    1232: 23dpo
    Heartbeat and baby measuring right on target: 7w0d.

    I’ll be praying feverishly for you. Praying feverishly. I know what hell you are in. If you need to chat, you know where to find me. rblues01@yahoo.com.

    Crystal

  15. After reading your posts, I have to say that I’m glad that I never went any further than HPT when I was infertile. The numbers game makes me nervous as hell.

    I hope that your next beta test numbers rise like the yoddling, mountain climber game played by an idiot on the Price Is Right. Darlin’, I think that blender costs at least $95,000.

  16. DD, I’m not sure if you’ve found this, but the best synopsis of chances is at
    http://www.ivfer.com/hcg.htm

    But be aware, it’s not going to help you be more hopeful, as the good stats are over 100 on 16dpo. Now of course we all know about brooklyn girl’s son (beta of 14 at 14dpo) and crystal etc., and I had a wonderful beta of 251 on 14dpo, and 642 on 16dpo and look where that got me. But you know me, I’m not going to blow smoke up your ass. There is a good chance, given the doubling, that this will be ok, but there is also a chance it won’t. But oh how I am hoping for the former.

  17. I feel like I’m preggo right along with you. I so feel what you’re going through right now.

    I’ll send you my stress ball. It should be cold and snap-worthy by the time you get it.

  18. DD…. step away from the Google. It’ll just make you crazy. You’ll find stories of low betas that turned into healthy babies and fantastic betas that didn’t.

    Just a few more days til nextbeta.

    Until then.. maybe you could broker a peace deal in some war-torn third world country. That’s got to be easier than not obsessing at this point.

  19. DD, praying, in a secular way . . . and one of our cats sacrificed a mole at the altar known as our doorstep for you.

    Good Luck!

    Gawd, god, GOD I hope this has a happy ending!

  20. A am certianly sending good happy beta doubling vibes your way!!

  21. I seriously have been away too long. Life has been chaotic these days and I come to catch up and see that you’re pregnant! I have said a prayer for you and will continue to do so! Happybetadoubling! Happybetadoubling!

    Now, more than ever, you need to do your best to be positive…tell your body what you want it to do and put faith in it. I know that might be asking a lot at this point, but please try…and say some prayers for yourself, too!


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