Posted by: DD | November 2, 2006

no. 310 – Wolf

In deference to the recent news Kellie received today, I did not post earlier. Please make sure to check in on her over these next few days as she continues to get updates from her doc. I know that having support from the blogging community can do much for one’s heart. Kellie’s an amazing woman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really don’t know how to do this, except to admit that my body has decided to mutiny against the brain. At 6w5d there is the faintest of flickers inside what was an empty gest sac six days ago. Yes, a heartbeat. (Yes, you were all right and I’m an asshole who plans on making the best of the situation for as long as possible from this point forward.) When my doctor told me there was (after I told her I just want to get this over and move on), I actually exclaimed, "SHUT UP!" If I had been in any other position but flat on my back, I would have shoved her back in a move reminiscent of Elaine Benis.

Then she turned the screen towards me and through my tears, I saw the blurry blips on the monitor.

After taking some measurements, she advised me to be "cautiously optimistic" as the measurements are a little small compared to the gest age (6w2d). As you know, optimism is certainly not my strong point. I am to return for another ultrasound next Thursday and they have promoted me back to the PIO (progesterone in oil, injected) since my P4 (progesterone) is pretty low, which has dropped from 16 last week to 13.

I’ve decided that I will call the embryo Wolf (as in "the boy who cried…") because I believe I’ve posted at least three times in the past two weeks how this time it’s really over, and apparently the mutiny, though not necessarily building up momentum, is going the slow and steady course.

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Responses

  1. Well, if you cannot muster up the optimism I am sure we all can help. The heartbeat is a great sign!

    HAve fun wit the PIO shots – I developed my first lump and it hurts like hell, but if it works I will take the pain.

  2. Wow. Just…wow.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    HOLY CRAP!!!!!

  3. Just as I am exiting the world of PIO, you are entering it. Ihope your butt doesn’t get as sore and lumpy as mine, and I REALLLLLLY hope little Wolfie is in this for the long haul! Got most parts crossed for ya!

  4. Just as I am exiting the world of PIO, you are entering it. Ihope your butt doesn’t get as sore and lumpy as mine, and I REALLLLLLY hope little Wolfie is in this for the long haul! Got most parts crossed for ya!

  5. Just as I am exiting the world of PIO, you are entering it. Ihope your butt doesn’t get as sore and lumpy as mine, and I REALLLLLLY hope little Wolfie is in this for the long haul! Got most parts crossed for ya!

  6. Just as I am exiting the world of PIO, you are entering it. Ihope your butt doesn’t get as sore and lumpy as mine, and I REALLLLLLY hope little Wolfie is in this for the long haul! Got most parts crossed for ya!

  7. Just as I am exiting the world of PIO, you are entering it. Ihope your butt doesn’t get as sore and lumpy as mine, and I REALLLLLLY hope little Wolfie is in this for the long haul! Got most parts crossed for ya!

  8. Well, I’m going to be happy for you right now becasue we can all switch to sad if needed . . . so go ahead, cry wolf all you like, we’ll just hope little wolf is here to stay!

    (And by the way, you’ll have to change your blog name again!)

  9. I’m so glad to read this! Sweet dreams tonight.

  10. So much sadness is going around, but I’m ever so thankful for the hope that Wolf’s little flickering heart has brought. *hugs*

  11. I’ve got tears in my eyes just for you after reading this post. It even made DH tear up. Truly – enjoy every moment of happiness that you get!!

  12. This is the best news! Congrats, DD.

  13. DD – Tears of joy even if only for today for you guys… I will remain cautiously optimistic for you guys and so when is the next u/s??? This is good news and I so needed some of that. I’ll be joining you with the PIO today so I can relate. Congrats again- this is great news!

  14. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeeeeees! I’ve been hoping and praying for the posibility of good news for you today! I am absolutely exstatic! I’m totally doing my happy dance for you right now!

  15. Get out!

    [shove]

    My smile is a mile wide. Cautiously, of course, but I’m going to savor it for you and with you.

  16. Dear DD, and here’s the girl who cried “Yay!”

    Continuing to think good thoughts for you and your little Wolf.

  17. I want to go on record as saying I believed in Wolf from the start.
    Good stuff.

  18. Woohooo, some hope today! Measuring 3 days behind is not bad, everything I’ve read says you should be within 7 days, with the lower 1st beta maybe Wolfie is just a little late implanter (and a typical male who won’t ask directions).

  19. I cried when I read this.

    “Cautiously optimistic” has never sounded so beautiful.

  20. OMG!!! YAY!!! You nearly had be convinced that I was going to come and check on you and see bad news and I am SOOO happy that it wasn`t!

  21. Hot damn!

  22. Congrats DD!! I had a feeling!! tee-hee!
    I even dreamed about you last night.

  23. I was checking a lot yesterday waiting for the chance to say ‘told you so’ since my prediction of you having this baby july ’07 being true is a truly positive reason to use those words.
    I hope ‘congratulations’ isn’t going over board!

  24. Fantastic news, DD. Did they tell you the heartbeat rate? Because my understanding is that thatis more important than size (because so hard to measure accurately).

    Anyway, happiness for a few days, I think.

  25. I am very very cautiously optimistic.

  26. That is great news… grow Wolf grow.

    Take care

  27. I’m doing a little dance here in Ohio!! 😀

  28. Oh. WOLF is so perfect. I started crying when I read this. A little blip. I’m very excited!!

  29. I’m just thrilled to see this post and your wonderful news. I had a completly different comment prepared this morning and waited to put on my make-up on until I checked in on you, tears can be messy. After reading your post the tears are gone and a huge smile has replaced any signs of sadness.

    Take care

  30. I am…beyond relieved, beyond delighted. Congratulations!

  31. Yee-haw. In the words of Getupgrrl, I will softly chant, “nothing bad has happened yet.”

  32. Flicker on and burn bright, Wolf!

  33. OMG- I am SOOO happy for you. I have to say that given my own history with empty sacs, I thought it was pretty much over. I can’t believe it, but I’m totally, completely thrilled for you.

    And you stinker- I thought you weren’t going to the doctor until Friday which is why I didn’t bug you yesterday. But you did and you kept it to yourself. (I know why, but still….)

  34. I am in complete shock! When you didn’t post by the end of my work day, I assumed you were dealing with the opposite of what you found out. As I can be much easier than you can be, I am absolutely excited for you! A heartbeat is a very good thing. You may be measuring a little bit behind what you would have thought, but conception is still a mystery, despite all the hormone level tests, etc. I am glad to see that you have received a little grace in your life, too!

  35. I was soooo ready for “the news” since you hadn’t posted by last night. I was seriously stalking you aaalllllllll damn day, just waiting. So now a huge hearty WWWHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE for you, girl! I’m gonna go put away those hot toddy’s & brew some pregnant mama tea for you, instead. I am so happy for you!!!!!
    Keeping you in my prayers.

  36. Awesome!

    And there’s nothing wrong with being cautious!

    Even still,

    AWESOME!

  37. DD–How about instead of cautiously optimistic, you try optimistically cautious? Semantics, maybe?

    Anyway, it looks like I wasn’t the only one biting my tongue (quite a new sensation for me). Awaiting more good reports and so relieved for this one…

  38. Grow little Wolf, grow! Cautiously optimistic sounds great. Take care of yourself and Thrusday will be here before we know it! Have a great weekend.

  39. Congrats to you, DD. Optimistic is good 🙂

  40. Oh DD, That is wonderful news. I am so happy for you and little Wolf. Grow little Wolf, Grow!

  41. DD, that’s better than any news I was expecting to see today! I’m so happy that Wolfie is hanging in there.

  42. Woo-hoo!!! Go Wolfie! I am so *so* happy to read this news, DD! I think that the 6w2 vs. 6w5 is probably just fine, given that it seems like things have been a few days behind since the very beginning. Cautious optimism indeed!!!

  43. Ha ha ha!

    I KNEW it!

  44. Damn woman, way to pull one out of the hat!

  45. I have chills right now from reading your post, DD! Oh my gosh – this is so exciting! Isn’t it funny how excited you can be for someone you haven’t even met?!

    What does your husband have to say about all of this?!

    Congrats. I have enough optimism about this for the both of us, should you run low!!!!!

  46. Congratulations! And let yourself be a bit hopeful!! Your glass is definitely half full!! But don’t drink it unless it’s non-alcoholic….

  47. Oh WOW DD!!! This is an awesome turn of events!! Keeping you in my thoughts that everything continues to go well for you both. Hee hee, I said BOTH! 🙂

  48. Tears of joy for you!! Oh my!!!

  49. Go DD, go DD!!! Happy to say told you so!!

  50. Awwwwww! Little wolfie is flickering. That’s great news DD!

  51. Wow! This is great news. I’m pulling for you and for Wolf!

  52. I’ve been thinking about you and I’m glad I managed to tune in (I’m away from home currently)for this! WOO HOO!!!

  53. Excellent! I couldn’t be happier for you!! I think Wolf is a lovely choice.

    Also, thank you SO much for your support. It means the world to me.

  54. WOOHOO!!!! Cautiously optimistic is a good state for everyone in the first trimester. So glad you got pretty good news DD!

  55. YAY!!! I’m rooting for you over here, darling!!!

  56. My theory is that like me, you are a late implanter, hence the small size for age. Hang in there Wolf!

    And hang in there with the progesterone. I can attest to its suckitude but it will be worth it.

  57. Wow. I’m speechless.

  58. Yay! That’s one bad ass embryo. Not that I’m surprised, considering whose ute it is inhabiting.


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