Posted by: DD | November 14, 2006

no. 317 – Now For The Not-So-Brief Update

Today’s D&C experience was good. . . relatively speaking. Certainly compared to the one I had two years and 3 days ago, I would give it  two stirrups up. Every person who saw us – from the pre-op nurse to the anesthetist to the recovery room nurse – shared their condolences.

I thought I could control the tears after days spent sobbing, but when I had to sign the paper that indicated what should happen to Wolf after the karyotyping, I lost it for the first time. After that, it didn’t take much to turn the waterworks on.

I was jabbed no less than 6 times with needles. One would think that if I, as the veteran patient, informed the professional that my veins roll, that one would take my word for it. No. They learned the hard way and I suffered 3 extra jabs because of it.

They couldn’t put me out fast enough. I wish there was some way to capture that feeling of floating just seconds before I was completely out. Drug-induced euphoria right before experiencing one of the shittiest things any pregnant woman must go through is in short, a great mind-fuck.

I came out of anesthesia easily and without any of the typical nausea. They managed to give me something with the anesthetic in a preemptive strike and whatever it was worked better than anything I’ve had before. My recovery nurse, Michelle, was my red-headed angel. She informed me that she had been going to the same clinic as myself for nearly 7 years and still no pregnancy. She suffers from rh.eumato1d arthr1t1s and f1bro1ds and I believe she told me she was 42. She didn’t look a day over 35. We gossiped about the nurses at the clinic and what was possibly next for each of us. She told me she was very glad she was assigned to me. I told her I felt the same.

I recovered quickly and walked out on my own. Yes, there has been some cramping, but so mild that one 800mg Motrin is all I’ve had. I’ve had absolutely no spotting in my pregnancy so seeing the very red and copious amount of blood the first time I stood brought on an initial wave of panic.

So physically, I am OK, I guess. It will be a few weeks before we hear back on the DNA testing, but in the majority of all cases where a scan identifies an enlarged yolk sac, there is usually a trisomy confirmation of one kind or another. And yes, both my husband and I have had the genetic testing and were both negative. This does not bode well for my ovaries and any of the eggs that may be left.

In the next several days, I want to talk more about Thursday and how one of the worst days of my life was made even more horrible than you can imagine when I discovered such callousness and hypocrisy it almost made me physically ill.

I want to share how we as a family escaped for the weekend by taking a drive to N. Dakota to meet with someone I have admired for a very long time, and finally got to do more than exchange emails and phone calls.

I will see if I can articulate what will happen next, even though at this moment, we don’t know what that might be.

I actually have so much more I want to post about, but I wanted you to know that for now, we are OK. You have all been so amazingly supportive in your comments, your private emails and your "call to arms" posts. Even my husband has been forever touched by the outpouring of your caring thoughts. I apologize for being an absentee commenter on your own blogs. There have been a miraculous number of pregnancy announcements and I shamefully admit I just cannot go there right now. I will need some time.

If I haven’t told you yet, Thank You. Thank You from all of us here in the TKO Household.

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Responses

  1. I’ve been thinking about you all day. Glad to hear you are OK.

  2. Still heartbroken for you. Still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    I’m glad that the physical part of things wasn’t too terrible. I just wish the emotional part didn’t have to be so excruciating. 😦

    Take care of yourself!

  3. I am looking forward to your updates and I hope the process continues to bring you healing. I will be checking in to offer my support. Many of us are on this shitty journey together and have little direction, most likely not because of desire but rather available resources. I hope your desired path becomes apparent and is possible. We may not have our desired outcome, but we do have the support and encourangement of each other.

    I am really sorry for your recent and previous losses.

  4. Like Donielle said- I’m just heartbroken for you. I’m glad you had such an empathetic nurse.

    Thinking of you…

  5. Two stirrups up? Are you taking a page from Kellie’s book? You two amaze me.

    I am very sorry about the extra gruff heaped upon your own. Do get it off your chest so we can rip ’em to shreads.

  6. You’ve been on my mind today. Much love and strength to you.

  7. I’m so glad to read your update. I’ve been thinking about you and wishing you strength.

  8. I’m grateful to hear that you are all doing ok.
    Just take your time. We’re all here for you when you’re ready.

  9. I’m glad to hear that your hospital experience was alright. Although it goes without saying that my heart is breaking for you and your family.

  10. Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you sweetie…

  11. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  12. Sorry for you DD, e_mail again if you need…

  13. Dear DD, I’m so glad it went well (ah, the wonders of relative speaking) and that you had such great support there.

    I’m horrified that your nightmare Thursday was made even worse by unkindness, and I’m bracing for the story.

    Oh, sweetie, I so wish I could be there for you and try to lighten this awful burden somehow. Please know that you are in my thoughts all the time.

  14. DD, I’m so glad you had good people around you during this horrible experience. I don’t even know who they were or what they said, but I’m boiling mad at whoever it was that made this an even worse experience than it already is. Glad you three are sticking tight and helping each other.

  15. Good to see an update from you. You remain in my thoughts. Healing takes time, there is no way around it. I wish you and the Mister and the boy well. Take care of each other as best you can for right now. We’re all here sending you cyber love!

  16. I’m so sorry that this has happened! Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and I truly hope that healing will come for you…if there is anything we can do to help please let us know! even if that means watching X for a night so you and Mr DD can have some time alone…you know where to find me…

    again, I truly am sorry this is happening!

  17. You know, Montana is just a wee bit to the west of N. Dakota! Okay I’m more than just a wee bit, down here in the southwest corner…

    Thanks for the update. I’ve been thinking of you.

  18. I’m glad you are physically healing. My heart goes out to you. {{hugs}}

  19. I’m glad you’re home and doing well physically. There is nothing I can say to make it any better but know I’m thinking of you and wishing this hasn’t happened.

    I got your card today btw – thank you, thank you, thank you! It’s unreal that you could find the time to think of me during all you’ve been going through yourself. What a pair we make indeed.

  20. So very glad to hear that it went ok. And a big hearty thanks to Michelle for taking such good care of you. Always here if you need anything and thinking of you constantly.

  21. Thinking of you…

  22. For an utterly shitty experience, that is most definitely the best-case scenario. Glad you are alive and walking around and typing. Everything else can come when you feel up to it.

  23. Yes! so hold.i


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