Posted by: DD | November 21, 2006

no. 322 – Which One of These Things Will Leave You With Your Jaw Dropped?

Did you know that if I peed on a stick right now, I would get a BFP? I thought about doing it because I threw away my bundle of HPTs last week and I really should have kept one to prove that I was even pregnant, but I’m not that much of a masochist. Today’s hCG level was 100-something. I didn’t really pay attention to the numbers when they called. I’m still spotting, but have escaped any heavy bleeding. It’s enough to make me forget to wear a liner, but enough for me to regret not wearing a liner. Fucking awesome.

My boobs were leaking this weekend. Yep, even with a 8 week pregnancy, your milk comes in. Could you imagine how spectacular my production would be at 40 weeks?

I’m still waiting for information from the agency I contacted last Wednesday. They said it could take anywhere from 7-10 days. I’m correlating the length of time it takes for me to get an informational packet to the time-frame it would take to go through an adoption.

Mr. DD told his mother (my very own MILDEW) about our miscarriage. Guess what she said? C’mon, give it your best guess. She said:

"Why do you even bother trying?"  *rimshot*

I haven’t told my mother. I’m afraid she would be just as sympathetic. I keenly remember her telling me when we lost Vivienne that she couldn’t understand how that could happen since she had 6 children without any problems. Gosh, mom, that makes me feel so much better!

I have told all of my sisters. They were all very saddened and in a discussion with my oldest sister (who is beyond child-bearing years and child-"free"), that one of my other sisters was told by her doctor she probably wouldn’t have children (she eventually had two boys), and that made me think of my younger sister who had a miscarriage of twins and struggled before having her third and last child.

The only sister who seems to have walked away from reproductive issues is the sister one up from me who had 4 kids easily and quickly. This confirms our suspicions that she was indeed left by one of the gypsy bands that would camp out in my father’s pasture during their nomadic travels. It would explain her black hair and pale complexion as the rest of us are fair-haired (so what if out of a bottle for a couple of us!) and medium complexion. It would explain some other things about her as well when I think about it.

The other day when I arrived at the caregiver’s house, we arrived at the same time as one of the other mother’s who is in an obvious state of pregnancy, dropping off her son. Guess what my son said? "I want a baby brother, too." He then jumped out of the car and took off running to catch up with the other child going into the house. I cried all the way back to work.



  1. Geez! Nice supportive parents! I’m sorry that she said that. That would be the one thing that left me speechless.
    I guess being unsupportive is “in” right now because we had our bout of it this past weekend.
    I’m also sorry that you had a rough drive into work.

  2. All of the above, with the exception of X’s comment. Kids say the darndest things, with such innocence.

  3. it all sucks so much – rimshot indeed!

    I hope you are well

  4. Oh shit.
    I’m so sorry, DD.

  5. Where to begin? I don’t even know what to say.

    Once of the hardest things about adoption is the waiting. We ordered our adoption application packet and it is also on the way. It has been a few days and I am doing everything I can to not call them to check if it was sent out. Insane? no. Obsessed? perhaps.. Determined to “acquire a child so I can be out of this personal hell? ding, ding we have a correct answer!

    Sorry about all the crap that is going on. I know X will have a younger sibling someday and it will make him as happy as it makes you. I just wish I could wave my magic f’in wand and make it happen now.

  6. Jaw dropping, indeed. It’s a wonder your jaw is even still attached.

  7. Holy mother! I think I’m in such awe from your MIL’s mouth, that I need to go back & re-read the rest of your post. My mind was in too much shock. What a freaking sf#he?oeri$gdo&ihoihg**odig!!! I am so sorry!
    Now I’m off to see what you had to say about it at MILDEW.

  8. Sometimes I wonder why husbands don’t know better than to keep their mouth’s shut or make something up a little more pleasant.

    It just doesn’t seem fair that there are people out there who are scared of their fertility to the point of obsession (a.k.a. me) while there are those who would love to have it. I would give my entire reproductive system to you in a heartbeat.

    Know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. I can’t believe that your MIL said that. Horrid, really just horrid!

    (Well I CAN actually believe it, people aren’t all what we’d need them to be.)

    I’m so sorry.

  10. I am sorry. Try and have a great Thanksgiving!

  11. MIL’s can’t well… you know… I’d like to choke mine most of the time. Sorry you’re is also insensitive.

    And I know what you’re talking about the positive hpt… I think of all the things I hated that the most… knowing if I was given a blood test or if someone were to do a urine hpt that it would be positive and they’d ask questions I would not want to answer.

    As for X and his want… my heart broke when I read that and while I wasn’t driving, I was crying with you as well.

  12. Sheez, that is totally insensitive what your MIL said! However, point in check, she proclaims the POV of many around you I’m sure. You know, the ones that say “you have one child, why are you so determined to have another?” That question is then answered in full by that one single sentence spoken out of a babe’s (X’s) mouth “I want a baby brother too”. Period. End of discussion.

  13. A friend of mine who had just one child had the same experience – her daughter actually made up a make-believe baby sister for about a year. Heartbreaking, I’m sorry you’ve got so much extra pain to bear.

  14. What in the HELL is wrong with your MIL? Oh my gosh – I am just completely flabbergasted by that thoughtless and cruel remark! Grrrrr!

  15. Just offering my sympathies that you are the victim of cruel and insensitive remarks from people in your family circle who should really know better. Try not to pay it any heed although it stings, even just reading it on the page.

  16. Oh, no. “Why do even bother trying” just takes the cake. It’s your fault your heart is broken? I’m so sorry you’re having to contend with that, DD.

    And what X said just made me tear up too. That must have been unbelievably painful for you.

  17. Cannot believe your MIL, sheesh!

    My DD always asks me where why she hasn’t got a little sister, she even has a name for her, Juliette! I just tell her mommy loves her just by herself and that mommy’s happy as things are and that she’ll get more toys this way, my therapist told me to say that! It’s not how I feel at all but it does seem to work.

    Good luck with the adoption plan, I admire anyone who chooses to adopt. I hope your wait isn’t too long.

  18. I am going through a domestic adoption and it does take a LONG time, it’s pricey, and there is NOTHING under your control (whether you do domestic or international). People do make thoughtless comments. Once my husband said something like “when are you going to get over it?” as if there is a time limit on grief over never being pregnant. Sorry your having such a difficult time.

  19. Oh DD I’m so sorry. It’s awful when the people we love the most break our hearts, and it must be even worse when it’s done in true, complete, oblivious innocence. Not that your son broke your heart — the bitch IF takes care of that daily. Some days worse than others.

    You’re in my thoughts.

  20. My 5 year old blew a raspberry on my stomach yesterday and told that I could have a baby now. She’s very close to asking for a baby brother for Christmas. I’m sorry that you are hurting so much. I too, like the hundreds of supporters that you have here, have gone through very similar losses. It hurts, and when it doesn’t you feel guilty, and there isn’t really anything that will make you feel better except looking back at the words that people write here to offer support. Grieve as long as you need to.

  21. DD, so sorry for the insensitive MIL comment. My mother who usually is a very supportive person somehow doesn’t manage to be supportive when it comes to our struggle to conceive a second child. I think one reason is that she can’t bear to see me so unhappy. Still though it’s hard when we desperately seek support from the people closest to us and feel even worse afterwards.

  22. Damn it all, you’ve been hit as hard as can be with the miscarriage. And to have such support is just the icing on the cake. I’m glad that most of your sisters are there for you. It sucks that the two mothers aren’t. And I well know the pain of what X said to you–P also says it.

    If I lived closer, I would show up with brownies and a lot of wine.

  23. What a cowbag!

  24. Hang in there DD, it’s a long slow road but hopefully each day will get a little easier. As for the MIL, she doesn’t deserve any expenditure of emotion from you whatsoever.

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