Posted by: DD | November 26, 2006

no. 323 – The Wreath

Can you tell I’m not in a good place right now? I’ve been bouncing around different ideas for posts, but everything feels angry to me and I need to move on. Not on advice from anyone else, I just know that if I can’t get beyond how my MIL made me feel and how annoyed I still am with a certain IRL person who can’t seem to understand that I don’t care what she says about me, she just needs to not use my blog as her personal informant. Until I can think about that little drama without seeing red, I know that I won’t be able to go into the details.

As for my MIL, I can’t imagine how anyone could say what she did, but I think she had a minor guilt trip after the fact. She felt I should have a centerpiece for our table as we were hosting Thanksgiving dinner here in our house. Yes, she’s one of those. Or I should say, I’m one of those that really couldn’t have cared less whether I had a frou-frou centerpiece or not. So I went to a local store that does silk arrangements and after perusing the selections, I walked away empty handed. I returned later in the day to see if they could make something similar to a wreath I did like earlier, but was too large for our table.

Tigiving_wreath Finally, I found some pieces that I liked and went with a wreath that I could put on the table or hang on the wall and the next day, they had it ready. I didn’t ask for a quote and I didn’t look to see how much anything was when I was picking pieces out. I figured MIL would pay for it (guilt pay).  When I got it home and told Mr. DD how much it was, he had a minor freak fit, taking it out on me "how much crap Tgiving_wreath_detaillike that costs!" I could almost see his point as we are still trying to sell our old house and two house payments on top of our ART debt has not made our lives any less stressful than it already is. But I thought if that woman wasn’t going to pay for the centerpiece, then she should keep her damn mouth shut and be happy that I’m willing to keep her wine glass full, much less ever be allowed to step foot in our house.

Sorry for the blahblahblah, whinewhinewhine, but like I said, I’m trying to stay away from other issues right now.

Needless to say, MIL did write a check for the centerpiece. I also know that even though I really do like it, it will always remind me of not only the loss of Wolf, but of her thoughtless comment. Unfortunately, it’s not the first thoughtless thing she’s ever said, and it won’t be her last. There are some people in life who after they reach a certain age, they figure they can say whatever the hell they want and spew stupid and hurtful things and not think twice. Those are also the same people who think saying "I’m sorry" is too low-brow, too simple, for them and they have to either "pay off" those they hurt or ignore it and hope it goes away.

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Responses

  1. Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I am so sorry Wolf is gone, and that you haven’t been able to have the space and peace you need to process that.
    The wreath is lovely.
    I’m thinking of you, lots.

  2. Dear DD, I can so imagine how hard that comment is to let go. I hope somehow you can. I’m glad at least your MIL had the decency to pay for the wreath she insisted on.

  3. My parents are the “pay it off type” – that is, when they realize that they’ve said the wrong thing. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this in the midst of your grief.

  4. My Mum is the pay it off type as well. I would really like to quote what you wrote to her because she is having issues with my brother and his fiancee at the moment and it would all be solved if she just said sorry but she can`t bring herself to do it.

    I am shocked by your MIL`s evil insensitive comment. How a person can say something like that is beyond me.

  5. You did a great job on the centerpiece. It is very hard to visualize something like that to pick out the right things.

    The real, proper, frou frou thing would have been for the woman to go buy a centerpiece herself to bring. It did not have to be your responsibility. It is appropriate to brings gifts.

    Unfortunately, people like that don’t understand the gift of silence.

  6. Hope she was happy because a centerpiece on the table is really important. It makes you appreciate family more and enjoy the food more and enjoy the day more. Heh.
    I’m sorry you are having such a rough time during what is supposed to be a happy time during the year.

  7. My MIL would never say anything hurtful – I have said before that I hit the jackpot with her. In fact, she would make a centerpiece and bring it to me. My own mom is way more inconsiderate than my MIL, which is way worse, I think.

  8. Okay, dear but gnarly troll
    HOW MUCH WAS THE WREATH?
    I’m lucky – my dear(?) MIL lives a long way away and when she calls I just pretend we’re having phone trouble. Never gets old.
    DinoD

  9. Sorry you’re having a lot of crap going on. Hopefully things will settle down for you.
    Hang in there.

  10. Yeah, MIL’s can really get under your skin. Get this – on Saturday there was a babyshower for one of DH’s relatives who I have never met. Like I was gonna go to the shower, I even got the clear from MIL. I had forgotten about it till after, but that evening when I saw SIL at a wedding reception and she informed me MIL told everyone at the shower the REAL reason – the IF – why I was not there. Apparently she thought it made them look bad so she needed to use my life as her excuse as to why her DIL is so pathetic. I am sure they are blaming it all on me also. Sorry for the rant.

    The wreath is nice -sorry life has been so shitty lately.

  11. Be as angry and upset for as long as you need. There’s no time limit on grieving. And I want to kick your MIL in the box.

  12. I am so sorry about the MIL… in my case it’s the mother instead that says the hurtful things. Take care.

  13. I’m sorry about your MIL… wow.

    I think I would send her the wreath so you don’t have to look at it again.

  14. What a great idea to send her the wreath! There’s nothing like grief to make one realize just how utterly unimportant things are that people focus on. I hope that you can get past this and realize that if she is going to be insensitive, you are just going to have to minimize your contact with her in the interest of self-preservation.

    Ah, the holidays. Such forced cheer and togetherness.

    it’s no wonder that people get depressed.


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