Posted by: DD | December 15, 2006

no. 340 – 12.6

I didn’t realize until last night that it’d been one month since my D&C. I’d be 13 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I wonder if there’s a magical number of miscarriages one has before you just stop counting the weeks? Mine seems to be limited to three. Interesting.

Today I get my blood drawn to repeat the protein c levels since they were borderline last month. I have a feeling that like all the other testing we’ve done so far, it will not provide any insight to why we are having problems either getting or staying pregnant.

Dr. Blinksalot has actually given us the go ahead to for another stim-cycle starting with CD1, which surprised me. Any thoughts from you on going right into an IUI following a miscarriage?

I thought I’d be seeing my period in this coming week, but last night I realized it’s only just shy of 4 weeks since my loss so I’ll probably get my period around Christmas. My body has an unbelievable penchant for creating unholy havoc when there are babies I will have to be exposed to. A Festivus Miracle.

I won’t bother ranting about how I despise the Holidays because quite frankly, the Holidays themselves aren’t the problem. It’s the people who use the requisite family time to drone on about what they assume should be happy thoughts: "the baby did this and the baby did that, blah, blah, blah…" I really don’t care. I actually wish that we would get advice, regardless of how cliche or uninformed it is because then I’d know that our families have acknowledged that we lost another baby. Instead, they will avoid the toxic…oops, a freudian, the topic. That hurts more.

Sometime over the weekend please go visit Sami, Kati, Beagle, Josie, Michelle and Thalya. They are hurting, too.

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Responses

  1. Festivus…snort. We have a festivus ornament (yep, the TP roll) on our tree. Keep it there every year. Anyway, I’m sorry the holidays will be painful for you. I’d say have a glass of wine or three, but if you’ll be starting another try, alcohol probably won’t be a good idea, right? I’ll just have to take one for the team and drink a few for you.

  2. Sorry that the holidays will be rough.
    I say have a few drinks – you’ve been through enough.

  3. I’m sorry to hear that the holidays are going to rot this year. Do something fun for yourself and take time for you.

  4. Of late, I sure have swung toward the intention camp over the bad interpretation camp. I would like to teach the world empathy, but it’s not going to happen, so I have to teach myself to accept well meaning stupidity.

    Thinking of you.

  5. I’m very sorry for your loss.
    The thing that upsets me is seeing people being impatient or nasty to their children, they just don’t realize how lucky they are. I hope with all my heart you will experience motherhood.

  6. Any thoughts from you on going right into an IUI following a miscarriage?

    We did. Physically, it was fine. Emotionally, it was a bitch. Worst negative I’ve ever had. Ever.

  7. I might get struck by lightening for saying this, but I’d be depressed to if I was expected to celebrate the birth of a child conceived entirely without sperm. All she had to do was say yes to an angel. Where’s everyone else’s angel? I know that life isn’t fair – whatever. That doesn’t mean that you have to be happy about it.

    I love ya and I hope for the best this next go round.

  8. I’m sorry to know that the hurt just keeps on hurting. I kind of suspected that was the case, but wanted to pretend it might get easier eventually. (Yea, right.)

    I have no useful assvice. I can only tell you what my screwed up body does. I have found that doing two medicated cycles in a row (not even factoring in miscarriage) tend to give me a crappy stim the second round. Kind of like my ovaries are saying “give me a break lady!” So I do, give them a break that is. One month to recover then full guns again.

    Whatever you decide, I wish you a stroke of luck!

  9. Isn’t it funny that people like me that have no idea who you are, feel so much of your pain. I have walked in your shoes through that very dark tunnel. I wish I could tell you when things will be fine for you, I know they will, I just don’t know when. Holidays are the worst times. I so desperately wanted to be on an island or somewhere instead of having to face the big happy family full of kids when all I wanted was to be a Mom. You just have to believe that 2007 has to be your year.

  10. I just saw that Seinfeld the other night – it is a classic.

    You are right, it is not the holiday season per say but the people that we are forced to be around. I never buy into the excuse of “they say nothing because they don’t know what to say.” That is pure utter bullshit. They are weak people too concerned about making themselves feel any bit uncomfortable for the sake of showing someone who is clearly hurting a little support. The simple words: “I am sorry” is all that is needed – really no need to improvise.

    I was just thinking yesterday about how long it has been since your D&C. Why is it that a month can go by so fast and incredibly slowly at the same time. Pain seems to morph time into a frozen state. I have no assvice about when to start another cycle – after my miscarriage I wanted to jump right into things for closure but I don’t know if that was really the best route. Where is Mr. DD with all of this?

    Thanks for the support call out on your blog.

  11. “Any thoughts from you on going right into an IUI following a miscarriage?”
    I went into IVF #3 following my loss with #2. Physically it was the same old shit, but emotionally it was close to devastating. Something broke in me between IVF 2 and IVF 3. IVF 3 did result in Polly, so there’s that.

  12. Oh, sweetie. I am sorry you are having such a hard time, and wish I had something useful to say about the “IUI following miscarriage” issue. I’ll be thinking of you.

  13. I’m in the same situation, but for me there’s no question about going into the next cycle asap.

    Our September injectable-iui cycle led to a miscarriage (D&C) in November, but I’ve already got the go-ahead to start IVF1 as soon as AF shows up (in the next few days hopefully). I’ll be on a long protocol mind you, so there will be another AF in January before we actually start stims.

    I’m certainly sorry for your loss and the difficult decisions it forces.

  14. Sorry I’ve been absent, it’s been a super-busy week! I hope that people get their heads out of their asses and recognize that the holiday season will be rough for you, although I know that’s unlikely.

    As far as the IUI, I think if the doc says its okay, and you’re emotionally ready for it, you should go for it.

  15. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, especially now when everyone else is expecting you to “move on” or whatever sad euphemism they use. I am sorry. I hope that you are able to take time for yourself and let yourself feel what you need to feel, whatever that is.

  16. Hello there. I feel so much of your pain.
    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Like you, I just had a miscarriage. It’s been 47 days since my d&c, and I would have been 16 weeks and 2 days today. Couldnt stop counting.
    You are so right
    I just don’t know what to say about the IUI post miscarriage. I hope whatever you decide works out for you.
    Take care.

  17. Do whatever you can to find some peace during this holiday. If that means avoiding insensitive family members, that’s your right. Hunker down in your beautiful home and watch old movies, make decadent desserts and eat them with abandon while drinking wine, stay in your pajamas all day long.

  18. Hey, I haven’t been reading that long, so maybe this is a stupid suggestion (it would hardly be my first), but I had two “unexplained” miscarriages before it was determined that I had a uterine septum. It was kind of a fluke that they found it (one of the gazillion ultrasound techs I had noticed it and happened to mention it on her report) and it did NOT show up on the HSG, as they expected it to. I think they finally verified it on an MRI. I had a vaginal surgery (similar in duration and recovery time to a D&C) that repaired it and have since had two successful pregnancies.

    My doctor said this regularly goes undiagnosed. It is possible to carry a pregnancy with the condition, so the fact that you have X doesn’t mean anything.

    I can’t tell you how sorry I am for your losses. The holidays were the hardest for me. Take good care of yourself and your husband during this time.


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