Posted by: DD | February 20, 2007

no. 387 – The Only Thing Missing is a One-Haired Wart

I’m a little apprehensive about this trip to Copper Mountain. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear someone was giving me the Evil Eye.

Oh, wait.

It’s me giving me the Evil Eye. Or should I say the Evil Stye.

Stye Yep. I have a stye. I first felt mild irritation Sunday afternoon. Monday morning I awoke to something  a little more painful and one look in the mirror confirmed it.

I’ve been wearing my glasses to avoid touching the infected area during contact insertion, skipping the eye makeup, and applying hot compresses, but I don’t know what I’m going to do about this weekend. It’s too late for me to do any eye patch shopping. Plus, they are all so blah. It doesn’t matter how much silver glitter paint or butterfly appliques they use. If I had time, I’d get a white patch, a Bedazzler and a gross of pink Swarovky stones.

Blingpatch_2 If I’m going to wear a patch, then dammit, I’m going to Wear A Patch!

Who the hell still gets styes anyway? I use to get them as a kid, but it’s been a good 25 years I’m sure, since I last had one. Plus I’m still going through my 2nd trip though Adolescent Hell by sporting zits in the most unattractive places EVER, including my neck, chest and back. It wouldn’t be related to all my stress, now would it?

And yes, my nostrils are still crusty, even with saline and carmex.

Mrrrrrroooooowwwwww. I’m too sexy for my stye, too sexy for my style, too sexxxxy – oh myyyy!

I’m really going to miss you all while on "vacation". I hope by the time I get back, all my maladies will have miraculously be alleviated. I should note, that at this moment as I get ready to press the "publish" button, I feel a canker sore starting up on my gums.

Patch I also think Daryl pulled off the look fabulously. However, I know she wasn’t hiding a stye behind her patch.



  1. You are a walking disaster, my dear.

    My son had his first stye recently. It was barely showing on a Saturday, then grew and leaked overnight, completely gone the following Wednesday. May you have similar luck.

    I keep waiting for the zits to leave as well. Sounds like you might have a staph infection.

  2. Wait, does this make you a bacteria and germ-ridden troll?

    Have fun. I’m trying to be jealous…but the sun in California is making it hard…

  3. Oh, you should so get the patch! I’d wear the patch just so I could freak people out by flipping it up when I read a menu in a restaurant, or the ingredients label in the grocery store. That little flinch – Oh my G*d she’s lifting the patch what’s under there!???!!!! – would be absolutely worth it.

    Plus it would distract from the canker sore.

    Enjoy your trip.

  4. Just so you know, I still get them too. I think that they have minds of their own too as mine only show up when I really don’t need to have a huge red lump on my eye. Vacations, the airport security people think you are on something because you eye is all red. Meetings at work, yeah, nothing like a puss eye to make you look professional.
    Good luck and I have some leftover Swarovky crystals leftover from when I made my wedding bouquet, so let me know if you want them or need them still when you get back. 😉
    Have fun and if you drink lots of alcohol it will help kill the germs. Or maybe just make you forget about it. 😉

  5. I just want to thank you…I now have that damn song stuck in my head.

  6. Well, I want that eye patch just because. I love me some sparkles!

  7. I LOVE Copper Mountain. Get up high enough and it won’t matter what your eye looks like.

  8. Here’s an old “family” cure. I used to get styes as a kid all the time. My grandmother would take her gold wedding band off, rub it on her pant leg until it was VERY warm, and then place it on the stye. I have no idea why or how this originated but they stye was usually gone within a day. That’s my two cents. 🙂 Good luck!

  9. It’s a hot look; and it’s one that I have no doubt that you’d be able to pull off. Have a fantastic vacation!

  10. You would rock an eye patch, I’m sure.

    Is your mascara old? I just read that old mascara can cause styes.

    I hope the red spots go away soon. Have a great trip.

  11. Hope you and your third eye have blast on your vacay. Think of moi as you sip spiked cider, etc, etc.

  12. I had a stye over the summer, so as for your “who gets a stye” question. I raise my hand for that. It sucked. I even have a photo and if you want to feel better, I’ll send it to you. Just e-mail me an I’ll reply with the photo. It was MASSIVE in my eyelid. I got some steroids from the doc. It sucked. My thoughts are with you. Have a great trip!

  13. I absolutely hate styes! My parents made me put fairly hot water in a shot glass, place my eye in the middle of the shot glass on the counter, lift it up and keep it on there for as long as I could stand it. I suppose it helped.

    Three days after Allison was born I developed clogged tear ducts which is equally irritating and makes it look like you have herpes on your upper eye lid. I paid $40 to see the eye doctor. What did I leave his office with? A screaming newborn and his advice to place a hot compress on the eye three times a day for x number of minutes each time.

    Shit, the eye patch is a million times sexier than what I’ve ever done.

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