Posted by: DD | May 16, 2007

no. 444 – IUI 101: Chapters 12 – 13

Right now I feel like I am constipated. Except that it’s next to my belly button instead of below. My left ovary is protesting like a whiny bitch. Just ovulate already! Christ.

Every time I have gone to the clinic for an IUI I think about asking them to do a quick ultrasound to make sure none of the follicles have decided to pull a lemming on me. I can never screw enough courage together to ask, which effectively would make them think that I don’t think they know what the hell they are doing. When one has limited RE availability, one tends to play nicey-nice. I think it’s obvious with the discomfort I am having post-procedure that everything is going according to plan.

I guess that’s why we pay them the big bucks.

Take a lookie-see at the categories. Notice anything different with this cycle, ART #9?

You don’t? Well, why the hell do I even bother with them if you aren’t paying attention? Didn’t I tell you there would be a test at the end of this little diorama?

No donor.

Mr. DD’s sample came back exceptional. Exceptional, people! The best he’s had in two years. What has he done different? Nothing really. He’s lost 9 lbs. He doesn’t drink quite as much cola. He has recently discovered energy drinks (which I think are pure crap). But really there’s nothing that has significantly changed.

Everything is going perfect.

Too perfect.

This is where I try to figure what I ever did to karma because sure as a toad will pee on you when you pick it up (what? they do!), she’s going to get me but good. Oh, right. There were 8 follicles*. I’m going to get knocked up with octuplets. I’m going to have to grow six more nipples so I can nurse them like a litter of kittens. Sucks for me to be allergic to cats, doesn’t it?

On the bright side, that would mean that an HPT will be positive in like, what, 5 days? Maybe that’s what I’m feeling. It’s not ovulation pangs, but implantation cramps just 6 hours later!

Yes, I’m being sarcastic. I’m trying to throw karma off the scent. Roll with me here, mmkay?


* OK. There were only 7 follicles, but the visual doesn’t work as well if I said I needed to grow 5 more nipples. Plus, one of the embryos could "twin" out on me.



  1. Way to go Mr. DD!

    (He may be on to something with the energy drink!)

  2. Definately implanation cramps and….way to go Mr. DD!!!

  3. WOW to Mr. DD! That is wonderful news.

    FINGERS CROSSED and the rest of me as well! Let the countdown begin! I am holding your hope!

  4. Great news- good luck!

  5. “Put me in, Coach!,” they wiggled. Good for Mr. DD.

    I have two extra nipples. I could help out. Gladly, even.

  6. That is wonderful news about the EXCEPTIONAL sample. Woo hoo! Crossing fingers and a couple of toes for you this cycle. Please keep us posted.

  7. Exceptional? WOOHOO Mr. DD! He must be strutting around the house now (I know my hubby would be if someone said his guys were exceptional). Good luck!

  8. You go, Mr. DD. And Ms. DD! I bet you get seven days of implantation cramps, one for each of your stunning embryos. And I bet you’ll feel some strangeness as those extra nipples grow, too!

  9. Eight or seven or whatever, I’m just laughing at you, the woman who talks about donor eggs, and here you are popping them out like mad. 🙂 And wow nice going Mr.DD! Good for him! Just going back to our discussion of aspirin and other things, check out the BBC health section. Then take an aspirin or something.

  10. Very cool about the not-dIUI! I sure hope it works!

  11. Oh, I’m rolling with ya, alright – rolling with some good-ass karma!

  12. Although you have lost me a bit with the terminology, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you guys!!!

  13. Dear DD, that is spectacularly good news! I am so glad about your follicles, so thrilled about Mr. DD’s results! So very hopeful for you two. I hope you’ll feel intriguing rummaging for the next two weeks, and then get nothing but the best news after that.

  14. Allll goooooddd….. I’m rollin’ with ya!

  15. Well, I’m bucking for twins. A boy and a girl.

  16. I am so optimistic for you. I can understand the sarcasm completely, though. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Good luck with your octuplets! 😉

  17. Ok, but if you DO have octuplets (or even septuplets), I get to be your media manager 😛 (Seriously, have you ever WATCHED John & Kate Plus 8? They have GOT to be pullin’ in the dough.)

    I can’t BELIEVE I’m saying this – but good news on Mr. DD’s sperm!!! (LOL)

    And keep thinking positively. If this works, *I* get to go to the beach with Mr. DD 😛 (Totally kidding. I’m not putting this ass in a bathing suit anytime soon.)

  18. I’m thinking of you! Ya know, I have an extra nip if you need one. (yeah, TMI, I know)

  19. It’s much easier to keep my toes crossed now that it’s open toe season! Good luck!

  20. this is exceptionally good news! Way to go…

  21. Gotta love the image of 5 nipples!

  22. Exceptional! That does sound good. And I picked up on the categories right away. Just think, two octuplet cycles and you’ll catch up to the Duggars. I think you should start making tatertot casseroles now, just to be prepared.

  23. Awesome news! Go Mr. DD! I guess that I will have to put Steve on energy drinks!

  24. Awesome news! Go Mr. DD! I guess that I will have to put Steve on energy drinks!

  25. Its looking good so far! Energy drinks; huh?

  26. Yay for the “exceptional” sperm!

    I’m giving you the “maloiks” right now; wishing 8 babies on you!

  27. Perhaps the Red Bull has given his little swimmers wings? That’s great news though!

  28. That’s amazing! WooHOO! You posted this 2 days ago, so that means 3 days, right? Don’t keep us waiting!

  29. playing right along with you.

  30. I’m sending you such happy, positive, non-toad pee thoughts!

  31. Effen AWESOME!!!!!

    I mean about the nipples. Good news also about the swimmers.

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