Posted by: DD | May 24, 2007

no. 450 – Foa Pa

It’s time for that favorite segment of our program: Interactive Fashion Faux Pas (aka Fashion Fuck Ups)!

Admittedly, I’m not Stacy or Clinton, but what I lack in fashion sense I make up in common sense. Isn’t that all one needs to get through the day without finding one of your husband’s socks clinging for dear life to the back of your blouse? I’ve learned to check a mirror, front and back, before leaving my home. I always take a few practice squats in the dressing room when trying on trousers/slacks/pants/britches et al to avoid embarrassment later.

Now granted, these steps have not been able to ensure my underwear go on correctly, but hey, that’s my private issue to share with the world wide web only.

On that vein, the last thing I want to see while eating in the cafeteria is a fellow employee’s red thong studded with red rhinestones eying me evilly above the wearer’s ill-fitted pants. Worse is that I know this employee has to squat and bend repeatedly in her office where she works with children. I wouldn’t want to see any granny panties, either, but red, bling-ey thongs shout SLUT, whereas the aforementioned granny panties announce COMFORTABLE SO DEAL WITH IT.

Also, if while you are pulling on your nylons the material snags repeatedly on your tree-bark-like heels, take a minute or two and coat them with some lotion, vaseline, motor oil, something! It’s sandal season. I shouldn’t feel compelled to lift your foot like some farrier and rasp off the barnacles you have hanging over the edges of your shoes.

Gaaahhhhh!

Did I say this was interactive?

Oh…Yes I did.

What fashion or personal care faux pas makes you compelled to write a ranting post specifically about the topic?

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Responses

  1. Oooohhh, hate those heels. I know regular pedicures are expensive, but those cheese grater things you use on your feet are not. I don’t know why every woman wouldn’t have one.

    Love red blingy thongs. Sorry you got a peek at them. I try to make sure mine don’t show.

    What I hate? Fat bellies peeking out from shirts.

  2. Muffin Top.

    That is all.

  3. I second the muffin top.

  4. Cameltoes

    Cuz really, if I wanted to know THAT much about my fellow females on this earth, I’d become a gynecologist.

  5. muffin top

    worse than that is the front butt hanging below the WOMAN’S shirt!

    I also just have to throw out that pajama bottoms are NOT PANTS don’t let your teenager wear them to school!

  6. Pajama pants top my list, also women who have yucky feet who wear sandals. At least try to give yourself a pedicure if you don’t want to go to the salon.
    Some effort please people.

  7. I’m not sure this even fits the category, but I was just chanel surfing (GA is a re-run -Bah!) and I came acoss the dance talent thing that replaces AI for summer and so to get to my point . . . can someone tell me why dancers are auditioning in bikinis now? Did I miss something?

  8. Karen – thongs are ok as long as I don’t see them at work…unless I worked as a stripper.

    Jessie/Patience – ah, yes, the infamous muffin top. And why are most of them on 16-20 year old girls?

    Aurelia – the ultimate trifecta: cameltoes, front butt and muffin top.

    Tuesday – hey, if wasn’t for pajama bottoms, there would be a lot more of the trifecta issues exposed, and do we really need to see more?

    Beagle – the bikinis make up for the lack of talent or maybe the thong they had orginally lined up was dirty.

  9. Dear DD, I loathe the incredi-tight look that seems to be all the rage these days. That makes any pudginess even worse… With the tightness and the low-riders, some of those girls seem to have two butts going on. And I saw one the other day that not only had a coin slot, but back cleavage that went all the way up her back because she was packed in so tightly. It was quite horrifying.

    OK, I know (and love) the muffin top and the front butt — but what, pray, are camel toes? Are they hammer toes, or what?

  10. Oh. Never mind. I just looked it up. *blush*

  11. Women who wear ill fitting bras so their pendulous fleshy boobs are jiggling all over the place. Hoist those girls up where they belong I say.

  12. Funnily enough, I was thinking about blogging re fashion don’ts today as well… I’ve seen so many ‘don’ts’ this week as I wandered about town!…

  13. Women who don’t have a taunt belly wearing tops that barely cover their boobs. It’s especially horrendous when you see only part of a navel ring because of fat or excess skin. Bottom it off with tight low riders and it’s enough to make me lose my lunch. I’d rather see someone walking around with toilet paper hanging out the backside of their pants or stuck to the bottom of their shoes.

  14. I hate gauchos, and like many others, am disturbed by the Too Tight trend. I’m a big girl–I know that muffin tops sometimes happen, because it is difficult to find pants that are between ultra lowrise and mom jeans–but for fuck’s sake, no camel toes, VPL, etc. If you need a crow bar or haveto lie down to zip, wear something else.

    I also hate pants and shorts with slogans printed across the ass. This flatters no one.

  15. Oooh, this summer, I’ve been trying out the capri look. It’s not working for me so much in the moment. It could be because I am capri-ing pants that are not actually capris. Apparently, rolling up the hems like that makes you look like you are about to go wading according to my sister who is older and wiser.

  16. Muffin top, oh yeah! That just kills me. Especially when I’m the guily party. Oops! 😉 But that is a far more rare occasion than when I’m spotting it, of course. Oh so easy for me to point.
    We have a chic at the gym that does the blingy thong thing. Um, girl??? Its a freaking GYM!

  17. Maybe it’s just me, but I cannot STAND it when grown women wear flip flops to work.

    Yes, we have a “casual-business” attire dress code, but flip flops? Sorry. Hey look back there, see that line? Yeah, you’ve just crossed it.
    To make it even more annoying, I can hear them coming from down the hall….Flip. Flop. Flip. Flop. One woman walks so fast it sounds like a gunfire. Pop, Pop, pop, pop.


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