Posted by: DD | July 16, 2007

Finger-Pointing

My son is not a leader, he’s a follower. He’s tentative about everything. Last night we went to the county fair and he was first in line on one of those “rides” that’s like a mini-obstacle course with rope ladders, kick-bags and wobbly bridges. He was first. By the second obstacle, he was last.

I remind you of this because last Thursday there was an incident at his day care. Krstn cares for 10 children including X. By the State’s regs, she is maxed out and quite busy.

She called Mr. DD at work to tell him that X kicked M-ali in the face and she just doesn’t know what to do with him. So Mr. DD picked him up and as punishment, he made him sit on a bucket at Mr. DD’s shop the entire afternoon.

I don’t know if M-ali was hurt, but once informed of the incident, her Mom picked up her and her five year old brother and took them to the grandmother’s house.

X feels terrible about it but it was no accident. They were sitting around on the floor playing and he didn’t want her to play. M-ali called him a name (poopie-poop or some such stupid thing) and X kicked out at her and his foot landed unfortunately on her face. X’s athletic skills  – and lack thereof – convince me it was a one in a million shot.

Granted, I am probably making excuses for him. As his Mother, that’s my privelage.

M-ali’s Mother told Krstn that unless X leaves, she will pull her three children and take them elsewhere (she left her baby boy there last week).

While we understand M-ali’s position, and frankly we even suggested to Krstn that we know that she has to conduct a business and it’s wiser for her to keep the three and “fire” the one; what I am having a very difficult time with is that the person who really is to blame for this is Krstn herself.

Where was she when this happened?

She wasn’t there and all she can say is that she can’t be everywhere at once since she allows the older children to play in the basement while she keeps the babies upstairs on the main floor.

There have been other incidents in the past with M-ali as she is a balls-to-the-wall child with no fear. She’s agressive in play, physically and mentally. So is her older brother. Perhaps a coorelation to sibling play compared to only-child play? I don’t know. I just know that X had to have his buttons pushed several times and hard for him to have lashed out like that….but there’s no way of knowing.

When my husband called Krstn this weekend to see what she was thinking, she mentioned how M-ali’s Mom and I seem to “have issues”. Maybe we do (unfortunately, M-ali’s Mom is the ex-pregnant, co-worker….yeah, that sucks.), but whether or not we avoid each other at her house has no relevance on how Krstn runs her daycare.

I am angry that within four weeks of our agreement with Krstn running its natural course since she doesn’t take “school-age” children, which is when X hits kindergarten, we are having to find someplace else for him…with no apologies from her.

It makes me sick to think what she is saying about X to the other parents because I know what she has said about other children she has had “problems” with in the past.

X is a good child with a heart of gold and a gentle soul. And I don’t say that just because I am his Mother.

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Responses

  1. Oh fer shits sake!
    She wants to expel X for an incident?
    If I raised hell every time Maggie came home with scrapes, bumps & bruises (not to mention the BITES from back in the Toddler I days) there would be no kids left there! Kids fight, kids bite (I wish they wouldn’t but they do) Don’t get me wrong, she’s no angel (wonder where *that* comes from?). I’ve had my share of incident reports where she’s hit someone or kicked or bit or just generally “wasn’t playing nicely with the other child”.
    Hopefully, Krstn will understand this and keep with your agreement.
    And yes. X has a beautiful, gentle soul and a wonderful, loving heart. I’ve never even met the kid, but if you are his Mother, then it MUST be so.

  2. Yikes.

    Maybe, because it’s never happened before, she could just let X stay and see if anything like this happens again? I think it’s wrong to expel him for one incident, especially such a minor one.

  3. OMG- the same exact thing just happened to us. My son didn’t get kicked out of day care, but the other parent called camp and complained and then bragged to another parent about how he and the camp director determined the appropriate punishment which pissed me off to no end. So now my kid has to sit with the counselors on the bus ride (instead of with his friends) for something that was really an accident. Argh!!! I feel for you. I hope you can find new arrangements soon.

  4. I think that m-ali’s mother is being completely ridiculous. Not considering that perhaps, just perhaps, it was not an entirely one-sided exchange. And being completely unwilling to do the grown-up thing and work through the problem WITH you rather than making both you and X into the enemy. Not at all willing to put herself in your shoes. Sucks. Is Krstn’s decision final, or do you think she might be open to another solution – perhaps X could write a letter of apology? It does seem awfully harsh to kick him out after one incident.

  5. We’ve been through similar.

    Write a note from X’s perspective saying that he’s sorry that it happened and that it was out of character. Say he wants to be friends again. Have him sign it.

    We did this with a rather unruly kid who left a scar on my son’s forehead about two years before, but whose dad went ape when my son (equally as gentle as yours) hauled off and hit the other kid with a curtain rod put to the curb. Both drew blood, but I had to take the high road to make amends.

    Oh yeah, this is the same babysitter who I saw in the bank the other day and realized that those two unattended kids in the back of that car were her charges.

  6. horribly unfair DD, but I don’t know if there’s anything you can do about it. And it would drive me bananas to think my child was being badmouthed like that.

  7. That’s just not right. It sounds like it’s come down to $$ for her and tough luck for you. And to justify herself she’s saying bad things about X? How shitty.

  8. […] old neighbors, and his family. He’s even friends with Doodicus’s old caregiver. You remember? The one who fired us just a couple weeks before school started so we had to look for last minute daycare from which he would come home crying every day because he […]


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