Posted by: DD | July 26, 2007

no. 486 – My Blogging Process

I think I may have ADD when it comes to writing and publishing a blog post. I get an idea from one source or another and depending on time and technical factors (do I have access to a computer? is the computer able to get a signal? did the assholes who want us to renew our internet contract get the farkin tower fixed after another company “accidentally” ran into it…?) and I will take that one thought waiting to germinate to my blog and just type it out.

Sometimes I am able to go from point A to point C without creating a draft and editing it several times. Other times it gets stuck in a draft and rarely pulled back out. What prompted my poll was one of the few drafts I revisited that was last saved in April. What usually happens to my drafts is similar to what happens when you’ve found an awesome pair of shoes. On impulse you buy them, take them home, try them on and walk around the house and then realize maybe the shoes were too expensive or they make your ankles look like tree trunks or you hate how the peep toe emphasizes your toe hair. Whatever the reason, you still think they have potential so you don’t return them but shove them deep into your closet for another time.

I am constantly buying new shoes, but rarely wear them out in public. There just isn‘t enough time in the day to “wear“ them all or I worry about how they emphasize my flaws.

Many of my mental drafts come when I read one of your posts and my neurons just pop with ideas and thoughts and opinions. For example, recently these posts inspired me to consider hitchhiking on them for posts of my own.

I had been mulling over in my mind for several days this post by Schmutzie, especially the last four paragraphs. It also made me think how rarely our lives run parallel into infinity from each other. At some point they meet, cross, and then diverge again. A year ago neither of us could have imagined that she would be facing the betrayal of her body in ways that many of us understand so well.

Niobe’s post about looking back forced me to do just that. I posted my comment yesterday and today I returned to see what others had written. When I reread mine, it made me cry (I had to reset my stupid ticker). Have I really lost hope? Have I really become so embittered?

Then I read Kath’s update in which she included a brief but terribly sad note about one of her husband’s colleagues who after years of infertility treatments found herself naturally pregnant at 43. Sadly, she lost the pregnancy and Kath asked rhetorically how could anyone apply the trite saying, “everything happens for a reason,” to that woman’s circumstances? I found myself in that woman’s shoes as someone who is just coming to terms with infertility but getting glimpses of hope all sparkly and pretty but ultimately elusive and nothing more than a cruel mirage. Again, I cried.

Monica had a post about the media’s interpretation of infertility. It made me think about how my opinion does not mesh very well at all with the media’s and how they capitalize on the induced frenzy. For example I could never accept that either of the couples who each most recently delivered the handful-plus-one babies are to be the new “faces of infertility”. I would just love, LOVE! I tell you, to know exactly what their “infertility” problems are. I found myself comparing and ranking my infertility to others in moments of selfishness.

And then there was the email exchange I had with Feebee. Dear sweet Feebee. Our lives are reflected off each each other by the ocean’s waters. She asked me if while Mr. DD and I wait for a donor egg if we have finished trying on our own. Yes and no. I’m keeping track of my cycle, but really that’s all. Or I should say I have no expectations – literally. It made me think about how much I’ve been avoiding thinking about my ambiguity towards the waiting.

So my intent was to follow up on the post about my blogging process, however it was my own blogging process that got in the way. There’s really so much I want to say every day, but many times I can’t find the words to convey those thoughts. I know they are there but they are never as eloquent or as fulfilling as I would like them to be. It’s really not unlike during the middle of a conversation and a word inexplicably gets caught on the tip of your tongue. A verbal speed bump. It’s like…

…oh, I really don’t know.

See what I mean?

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Responses

  1. Yup, I do see what you mean. I get so damn distracted that I just think to myself ‘I’ll get that post down later’ and then never ever do. Everyone else seems to do it so much better than me….

  2. I’m afraid I have the exact opposite problem. I seek out my keyboard when I’m in need of a good cathartic moment. I type and type and type whatever comes out. My tenth grade English teacher called it keyboard vomit. So, my posts end up with little bits of good here and there…but mostly it’s just crap. Don’t worry about it. Unless you’re going to charge admission, you’re doing just fine. :o)

  3. I’m more like catherine. Plus I sometimes can’t get to the keyboard to type something while I’m inspired, and then the post is gone forever. I look at some of your posts, and julie’s and alexa’s and wish sometimes i wrote really thoughtful stuff instead.

  4. I have so many draft posts that fit your shoe analogy perfectly. I hate to delete them, so the list just grows longer and longer.

  5. I find myself surfing around too much and writing too little. I’ll get a great idea off a post and then see something in someone’s blog that makes me click away to a new blogger. Before I know it I can’t find the original to quote from and I’ve spent 3 hours surfing around with nothing to show for it on my own blog. I dont’ think I have blogger ADD, but I do have blogger ADHD

  6. Just dropping by to let you know I am thinking about you. Take care

  7. I posted about this today as well: I have lots I’d like to post about, but haven’t found the time/energy/motivation/time…

    Although you said it much better than I.
    🙂

  8. I am soooooooo glad I’m not the only one suffering from this blogheimers disease! If I could just remember half the ideas that sprung up in my mind while reading other blogs, I’d never stop writing. And that just might be a good thing, not remembering the ideas that is, on 2nd thoughts!

    Thanks for your wonderful comment on my blog, I really do appreciate it 🙂

  9. It’s a little like ping pong for me. I read something, get a few ideas, read something else get a few more ideas and then ultimately I realize as the ball sails off mid-thought through the air that a large amount of time has gone by and I hurriedly tell myself I’ve passed too much time and will come back to a post but later I find that the ball and idea went crashing down and rolled off into the corner and lost momentum.

    Thanks, by the way, for linking around to the these other blog posts. More good material to mull over. And, thanks, too, for watching my entry into the In’tl Infertility Film Festival. It was hard to make and yet I’m glad I did because it seems to have resonated with quite a few people…


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