Posted by: DD | August 2, 2007

no. 490 – I Think The Borg Had It Made

It was really hard not to post something else within 24 hours of my last post. A funny thing happened after 36: it became not so important to post, and then 48 hours later I understood why it gets easier and easier for some not to post for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. Lucky for you, 72 hours later here I am back with so much to say, but wondering why I should bother.

It’s that whole futile thing (why is it that every time I hear or read that word, I think of this and repeat the word over and over in my head to make sure I get all three consonants – fue-tie-llll?). I want nothing more than to come home from work and do nothing. When I get home, I do just that while scanning the sticky combination of syrup and cracker crumbs on the kitchen counter top and walking over mud-encrusted socks – adult and child sized. I really don’t see the point. I can clean like Cinderella all weekend and less than 12 waking hours later, it’s like I never existed. All my hard work and nothing to show. Not even a thank you.

It’s kind of how I feel about our infertility treatments. 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs and 1 FET and all I got to show for it is 3 dead whatevers as some kind of weird booby prize. 

I compared myself to the pumpkins I planted this spring. They have been flowering profusely but all but a handful of the blooms have wilted and died on the vine. It seems futile to even bother weeding or watering them at this point.

This has put me at a new low for tolerance. We had our in-laws over for dinner last night. My FIL brought up the fact that while his name is on The List, those "goddamned sandn*ggers get to come and go as they please and airports have to set up special places for them to pray, vomit, vomit, spew, spew..." and then Mr. DD’s sister and her husband (the one’s from S.C. who are visiting) chimed in with agreement.

I had had it. I interrupted their verbal diarrhea. "My brother-in-law is Arabic and I find what you are saying offensive. It’s your ignorance and unwillingness to learn that makes you paranoid of anyone that’s not white. I guarantee you that for every foreign terrorist out there, there are 10 US citizens murdering their spouses, 10 more raping a neighbor, and 10 more molesting their children."

"Yeah, well, whatever," was all my FIL could say and then he changes the subject with no apology forthcoming. Fucking bigot.

And to round out the week (Friday notwithstanding), a dog bit me. When I returned a borrowed item at my friend’s house, her two dogs kept trying to push their way past the door. I tried to help block the door with my own legs and at first I thought one of them had clawed me, but then I realized he was trying to (and finally succeeded) in biting my shin. It did not puncture skin, but I have the makings of a rather large bruise. When I felt the bite, I let out a loud shout, scaring the mutt back. It took self-control on my part not to chase him down and give him a good kick. I despise an ill-mannered dog.

And just so my body can once again insure that I will never trust it again, I got a positive on an OPK…Day 20, thank you. Right now, I’d swear I was PMSing, which would be expected since Friday will be Day 24. Oh the laughs I get at my own expense! However, we have decided it would not be wise to try to become pregnant (while relaxing/on a break/etc.). Just imagine! I get pregnant and while I wait to miscarry I get a call from the clinic notifying me of a match and instructions to start the BCP – now. Does that qualify as irony?

I need a shirt that says, "Don’t Fuck With Me."

Then again, why bother?

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Responses

  1. DD
    Your week sounds horrible. I don’t have the answer to “why bother” but I’m glad you bothered. I’m thinking of you

  2. I’m sorry your week sucks. And I’m sorry about the confusing cycle. Sometimes we all feel like the Borg, I’m sure.

  3. LOVE the shirt idea. Add an Oscar the Grouch graphic, and we’d sell dozens. LOL
    Your week does sound tremendously sucky, and for that I toast your ability to blog. And for holding back the wrath toward the inlaws? Resistance is futile.

  4. My standard response to bigtoed statements by family members is one of the following: “Grandma, you can’t say things like that in my house.” OR “Grandma, if you talk like that in front of our child, you will never be allowed to see her again.”

    Also, when I started using the fertility monitor, I discovered why charting wasn’t working for me. My ovaries are each doing their own thing. One like to go early in the month and one likes to go late, like day 18-20.

  5. Ha! I clearly meant “bigoted” not “bigtoed”.

  6. I think you should have kicked the dog. And the dog’s owner. And your FIL. Life is difficult enough without having to deal with malicious animals or people.

    I feel your pain about the cleaning efforts that *magically* are immediately undone. Also, the same thing is happening to my pumpkin vine. Coincidence? I think not.

  7. It all sounds like so much irritation. I would have kicked the dog, just to feel a little better……

  8. What a crappy week.

    And I can’t believe you have your FIL to dinner in your home at this point… what an ass!

  9. I would have kicked the damn dog. And the damn FIL. They both deserved it.

  10. Good Lord. I am at odds with my FIL right now as you well know, but he’s nothing like that. Don’t Fly list indeed. Does he wonder why?

    Nice dog. What did the owner say? I have no tolerance to biting or jumping dogs. They can be trained, you know.

    You’ve had quite a week!

  11. Wow. What a crap-fest. I’m sorry this week has sucked so hard for you.
    I feel ya on the house-keeping. Joe walks in the door & drops his work shirt over the back of a chair in the dining room. One of these days I’m going to institute a rule that if it’s not in the hamper, it won’t get washed. Maybe when he runs out of clean uniforms, he’ll get it.

    HaHa Michelle, maybe FIL has big feet (Neanderthals usually do)to go with his big mouth so he might have big toes…

  12. Sorry that this week has sucked the big one. I hope you get some peace soon!

  13. Your father in-law sounds alot like my dad! Maybe we should lock the two of them in a room somewhere and see who comes out alive?

    I sure hope that things start looking up for you. Wish I could be there for you, but you do know you can call me anytime.

    Take care and make the boys clean the house this weekend, that usually puts some appreciation into them of just what it takes to clean up their messes and then it stays clean for at least one whole day afterwards. 😉

  14. Dear DD, perhaps you could borrow that evil mutt and sic him on your father-in-law?

    I’m sorry this week sucks. May the next one — and each one after that — be gloriously better.

  15. Sorry you had such a bad week! I’ve missed you these past few days. When I was pulling up your blog I was muttering to myself “she better have posted something today”. See how selfish I am!!!

  16. sorry you’ve had a rough week — we’ve all been there too. may you have fun with hubby and boy genius this weekend!

  17. It sounds as if you had a well to put it mildly trying week… Goodness I thought my in laws were bad, but yours take the cake. I hope that this weekend you are able to recover smoothly and without incident from this crappy week and that you hang out and just enjoy life. Hang in there – at least the week is over right?

  18. Jesus. I hope your friend apologized for her dog’s behavior. Get that thing into obedience training.

    It’s exhausting being you right now, I know. I’m hoping for better things to come your way soon, m’dear.

  19. Crap . . . I hope next week is oodles better!

  20. Good. Lord.

    You are really in at a rough time, and I’m damn sorry for that, babe.

    But…um…can I just say how impressed I was by not you standing up to your FIL and what you said? Because I was. I think props were due there.

  21. Postive OPK. That is some serious irony. I found you can never trust those fuckers anyway.
    I hope you have a peaceful, relaxing, dog and inlaw free weekend.

  22. I’m impressed you stood up to FIL. Good for you.

    I despise dogs that don’t leave me alone. I think you would have been completely warranted if you had kicked it. I will send some virtual kicks its way.

  23. What a crappy week- good for you for telling your FIL off, people like that drive me insane and I seem to be coming across more and more of them these days.


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