Posted by: DD | August 4, 2007

no. 491 – ePinions Should Allow the *F* Bomb

Once again it’s time for my infamous Useless Product Review (UPR). Who couldn’t use an UPR right about now?

If you’re wondering if you missed something from one of my earlier posts, keep in mind the definition of infamous, thanks to Princeton: ill-famed: having an exceedingly bad reputation. Let’s go with "ill-famed" on this one, shall we and make believe this is a regular addition to my blog.

I’m a make-up snob. I generally stay away from Walgreens when I need foundation. For everything else like mascara or lipstick, I’m perfectly content to use them as well as picking up the occasional feminine product which always happens to be juxtaposed comically with pregnancy and ovulation sticks. Some of you may even remember the living-hell I experienced when Clinique discontinued my most favorite product, EVAH! for which I have found only a substandard replacement.

I bring up that point (about being a snob) because I thought I would try something new, which was in fact purchased at Walgreens. Neutrogena’s Mineral Sheers. I’ve been all but a phone call away when it comes to the infomercial for the bareMinerals so I thought, what the heck? for $10 I’ll "splurge" on Neutrogena’s product.

Here’s where the Useless of UPR comes into play.

The instructions on the packaging claim that you have to push down on the bristles a few times to get the product started. I did that and after seeing no results, I tapped it on the back of my hand several more times. Finally I noticed a fine puff of product wafting up in the air. Then I went to apply it to my face.




I may as well have been using any one of these as an applicator! Owie, ow, ow. Now I wouldn’t complain too much if the action was considered conducive and managed to open up each whitehead I had on my forehead and dug into every blackhead on my nose…but it didn’t. It just hurt.

This reviewer says she likes it because of its very sheer coverage since she doesn’t have problematic skin (can we say BRAGGART? how ’bout BITCH?). Well, I need some coverage at least to even out my skin, which has stubbornly held onto my pregnancy mask for almost 6 years now (oh, sure. my hormones can hold onto a pregnancy mask for 6 years, but how about a simple fucking pregnancy? lazy whores).

Neutro_minerals_1 Here is a visual of what comes out with three taps of the brush.Neutro_minerals_2

Here’s ten.

Neutro_minerals_4 Here’s one of 20-plus with emphasis on the broken hypodermic needles bristles.

Um, you see the problem?

I wanted to get this post out of the way because I’m going to break open the dispenser and deposit the mineral dust in with my Gentle Light Powder by Clinique. I’ve learned my lesson…for now.

Speaking of UPRs, has anyone used this product? If so, what did you think of it? I know. I know. I said we weren’t trying, but I’m keeping my options open. Our donor egg cycle only has a 50% chance of pregnancy. Let’s not even discuss that little thing called "live birth". Nothing keeping us from trying after that, right? Except maybe death-induced despondency.



  1. I use bareMinerals all the time, but I don’t like the brush that comes with it. It is too stiff. The package also came with one like the brush you tried, where you put the powder in the handle and then tap it out. I don’t use it. Very little comes out – just like the one you bought. I use my good old powder brush that I love & dip it into the stuff. I do have to be careful to tap the excess powder off of the brush because a little goes a long way, but I love the coverage.

  2. I thought the whole point of mineral makeup was FOR problematic skin???? Poking microscopic bloody holes in ones face does NOT help!

    And, BTW, $189 for a freaking ovulation watch? Are they high?

  3. Is it safe to admit that I love being a guy? A toothbrush and deoderant and we’re happy?

    No? Ok, then I’ll be going now…


  4. I gots nothing to say about the ovulation watch but I did love my clear blue easy fertility monitor that a sister sent me. Sooooo much easier than temping or opks or whatever. And it feeds that whole pee on a stick addiction.

    If I had fallopian tubes I might still use it.

  5. Thanks for the review – I won’t get cheap when I run out of my Bare Minerals. I do like Bare Minerals – especially in the summer. But I will say that I still used a liquid concealer on my just punched in the face dark circles. No powder could touch those!

    The OvWatch has to be a crock…I just couldn’t ever bring myself to try it.

  6. I use M.A.C. studio fix and just bought a good brush from sephora.

  7. “oh, sure. my hormones can hold onto a pregnancy mask for 6 years, but how about a simple fucking pregnancy? lazy whores”

    You know this is why I love you right? Total recognition over here…

  8. Love love love bare minerals. Even now, in my “I’m trying to save money because I have two mortgages” state, I still will splurge on Bare Minerals. It’s worth it.

  9. I’m a big fan of Clinique, too, and hit the stores hard at ‘bonus times’. Use their concealers and face powders and lotions daily…

    And yet I still look tired. hmmmmm

  10. I recommend both bare minerals and the ClearBlue Easy fertility monitor.

  11. Dear DD, that Neutrogena product looks like Sheer Futility to me…

    As for the watch, I’m not really sure if I’m convinced — skin readings are not all that reliable. I was very happy with the ClearBlue, but of course that entailed regular purchases of those pee sticks, which got a bit costly.

  12. I bought several cheap mineral foundations by Jane,(I mix the shades to customize), twisted off the stupid sponge applicators, dumped it all into a smallish rubbermaid dish and use a $1 all-over face brush from E.L.F. Lot of work, little money, decent results.
    No comment on the watch!

  13. You should send this into Consumer Reports. I’ve never had much use for Bare Minerals. The only thing that my skin seems to like much is Chanel foundation …. but I have to use it sparingly as it’s not cheap.

  14. I love my BareMinerals and if the hype is to be believed, they are good for your skin. Worth the extra $$ for something you like and that works, right? They last forever, too, so you will get your money’s worth.

    I don’t bother with the watch. Get the Ovusoft software as it does the same thing, is a heck of a lot cheaper, and had lots of cool extra things (like tracking your prenatal vitamins, other meds, “fertility signs,” etc…).

  15. I use Bare Minerals sans the brush that comes with it, but I love the product itself. Definitely worth the money.

  16. I love L’oreal’s minerals. Brush is soft, though I have to bang a bunch of the powder into a different container because it is impossible to use the container it comes in. I get great coverage and have a lot less breakouts.

  17. not sure about the sweat monitor, but it might be a nice change from pee sticks.

  18. I’ve been debating on Bare Minerals too, wow, we are a real infomercial watching bunch here . . . Thanks for the heads up that the imitators (although cheaper) suck.

    Not sure about the watch, but for that price they should make it look cooler, nicer band or something.

  19. I’m a Bare Minerals gal myself, but your description of this product reminded me of my ridiculous experience with Lancome’s Star Bronzer — the “magic bronzing brush.” I pumped this thing as if there were no tomorrow to get it to dispense the bronzer finally rapping this thing so hard on the table that I cracked the case. Avoid this thing. There was nothing “magic” about it. Wish I hadn’t dropped $31 bucks on it…

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