Posted by: DD | August 30, 2007

no. 510 – Lovely Lady Humps

Bazookas. Boobies. Boobs. Bosoms. Funbags. Girls. Hooters. Jugs. Knockers. Mammaries. Melons. Milkmakers. Nips. Sweater puppets. Ta-tas. Tits. Titties.

I’m sure the list can go on indefinitely.

Aren’t they quaint, the nicknames our Breasts are given, and usually by men? Behind the woman’s back, ironically.

I heard a new one the other day and it came from none other than my sweet, innocent, five year old boy.

We were in one of the clothing retail stores with a mannequin in the foyer. X decided to check her out in a rather nonchalant way. First he stuck his hand up the blouse. Then he pulled out the elastic waisted skirt and looked down. He noted by squeezing the sleeves that there were no arms. He checked under her skirt and saw that there were no legs. He was thorough.

I stood next to him and supervised to make sure he didn’t damage the merchandise, but I figured he wasn’t harming anything by scoping it out, plus the store was relatively empty so the humiliation factor was reduced.

Then I started making small talk with him about the outfit itself to draw his attention away from the form and the feeling up he was giving it. He said he liked the color and then said, "This one has baccus."

"It has what?" I leaned down to better hear.

"I don’t know the name. What do you call these?" to which he raised his hand and laid it squarely over the mannequin’s molded chest.

"Breasts." I responded, hoping I didn’t look or sound too surprised.

"Ohhhhh. Breasts." he repeated tentatively.

Personally, I think I like the word "Baccus". It has an exotic flare to it. Plus I discovered, in using different combinations of spelling, Bacchus is the Roman God of Wine, which seems fitting since once I told him it was time to go, he pitched a fit and started the whine that makes me wish I kept a bottle (or two) hidden in my car.



  1. Fabulous! I love the term baccus too. I’ll start using it just to throw people off.

  2. That’s a good one!

  3. I like baccus, too.

    My son called them “apples”. Don’t know why.

  4. Baccus. Ha! I wonder how he came up with that?

    Though the word “Bacchanalian”, derived from “Bacchus” does refer to times of revelry and merriment, and most certainly boobs are involved occasionally in such events. Wow, your son is smart.

  5. hee hee hee hee!

  6. Posts like this are just one of the reasons I love your blog.

  7. bacchus.

    Bues it beats norks or funbags 🙂

  8. Sweater puppets was new to me.
    But I like his name. Sort of non-offensive and classy really.

    Wait ’til he’s 15!

  9. Wow, he is inventive isn’t he.

  10. LMAO at the image of a five year old feeling up a manequin! Baccus is a nice one. Is it singular or plural. Is the plural Bacci? Just wondering. And what’s up with sweater puppets?

  11. My girls could sure use a drink.

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