Posted by: DD | September 12, 2007

no. 522 – Little Office Of Horrors

Speaking of Chuckie

About 3 years ago I transferred from one department to another with my employer. As a going away gift, my office mates gave me one of those potted bamboo plants that is supposed to bring good luck.

For most of these past three years that plant has done everything but flourished in my new office. Then I started to joke it was the reason for my infertility (because wow! the good luck was just not happening) so several months I gifted it to one of my current office mates who had windows to perch the plant by. The same office mate that has now been trying to get pregnant for over a year.

(Cue either the theme from Jaws or Psycho, whatever’s easier to recall and then curse me later for the earworm…)

We have been joking that it’s that freaking bamboo plant sucking our fertility from us (both of us have had a baby before – so more the Weird). I keep telling her we need to give it to someone who has proven fertility and see what happens to them. She’s too nice to do it but I’ve told her I’m going to sneak it into one of the office vents to prove our theory.

It maintains its perch on one of her filing cabinets. Recently she added a purple heart to sit next to it.

Last week we noticed that the once full and vigorous purple heart is starting to look leggy and droopy. On the other hand, the bamboo plant that was really nothing more than a couple of green stalks stuck in gravel has sprouted several new leaves.

My friend and I have come to this conclusion: the bamboo plant is sucking the life out of the nearest object. It was me, then her, now the poor purple heart.

Need proof? Well, here you go.

Chuckie_2 Gives you chills, doesn’t it?

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Responses

  1. Okay, that’s just weird.

    Personally, I hate house plants. I do nothing to help them along, yet they thrive just to spite me.

  2. Actually, that DOES give me chills.

    Freaky.

  3. Uggh.. my comment didn’t post. Well, I think you should send it (anonymously of course) to the next waifish, talentless, celebutante that might pop up pregnant after smoking crack and driving on the wrong side of the highway. Send it to Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan. Save us from another celebrity pregnancy.

  4. It does…especially because those purple hearts grow so well. I’ve never killed one. I’ve never known anyone who had one expire. That bamboo, it’s evil, sure enough!

  5. Those bamboo plants SUCK! We had one and it was during a time when nothing went right. Once I pitched it, things did get better. Coincidence? I think not after your story!

    BTW-perhaps this would make a good gift for your stalker! bwah-wahwahwahwah!

  6. You MUST know someone that deserves that plant! We ALL know someone that deserves that plant…why haven’t you given it to the pain in the ass that works down the hall? (I am assuming you have one as most people do).

  7. Very strange indeed….
    We can’t get our bamboo to grow along the back fence. Maybe I’ll dog-nap that little yappy pekinese (sp?) from up the street that yips ALL FREAKIN NIGHT LONG and by next spring, I’ll have a lush, full privacy border and no yippy litte rat-dog….

  8. OK get rid of the bamboo!

  9. You really do make me laugh – i think if we lived anywhere near each other we’d drink lots and be firm friends!

  10. Hmmmmm. Any chance you could stop giving that disturbing plant the benefit of the doubt and chuck-ie it out of the nearest window-ie?

  11. That is just the oddest thing. Eighty-six that thing, quick!!

  12. That is so hilarious! The Chuckie picture takes the cake. I was expecting a story about an escapade with X. 🙂 If I were your co-worker, I would have been all for giving it to the office’s most hated. 🙂

  13. Evil. Pure evil. Now I know what to buy for the next gift-giving occasion at work.

  14. The addition of Chuckie really makes it perfect.

    Can you clip some of those sprouts & send it to me? I have a few cousins who can’t even legally drink but seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. It might help them out.

  15. burn that baby in effigy!

  16. I think you my have discovered a new form of birth control. Now you just need to market it and watch the $$$ roll in.

  17. WOW! That is tooooooo funny! Evil Bamboos!

  18. Is Purple Heart the same as Wandering Jew? They look really similar.

  19. Clearly the plant has to go!

  20. Yeah, that is creepy. I would have ditched the plant eons ago.


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