Posted by: DD | October 5, 2007

no. 535 – Motion Sickness

You know that feeling you get when you pull that pregnancy test from its hidden place in the bathroom and rip it open? That queer fluttery feeling in your gut that mixes anticipation and dread into alternating waves of adrenaline induced heart flutters?

I did something today that produced those feelings and I was no where close to a toilet at the time, much less a home pregnancy test:

I looked at nursery bedding at this website that I found on Design Mom’s. Actually I started by just looking at bedding for my son’s room, which I can handle. I practice caution when visiting these places on-line and will avoid any nursery or baby links for sake of my sanity.

I have no idea what possessed me this time, but I found myself here and suddenly that feeling I described started slowly in the pit of my stomach, or do I dare say? even a bit lower, and found its way up and lodged as a lump in my throat.

Do you think it’ll ever be possible once you have that feeling to some day never to have to worry about it coming back every time you walk into a mall, or go to a baby shower, or even to get the mail and find Baby Pottery Barn slightly rolled up to fit in your mail box?

When I feel those cool pages in my hands, I wonder it means something. Does the fact I’m holding the magazine foretell that I someday might open the pages back up in delight or do the two-dimensional images mean that what I truly want right now is nothing more than fairy tale fodder and as flat as the piece of glossy paper it’s printed on? What if this next part of my life is just a series of pretty pictures flickering in my head and flutters in my gut?

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Responses

  1. If you figure out some way to get rid of ‘that feeling’ please let me know.

  2. I don’t know the answer to your question, but I hope that it is positive. BFP in fact.

    As for the HPT, mine are in plain sight! No mystery Chez MI.

    J

  3. I’m the same way. I analyze and reanalyze fortune cookie readings. I order my HPT and OPK’s from Babyhopes.com and they always send “baby dust” with every order. The babydust is nothing more than pink and blue confetti. Well I like to sprinkle it around the bedroom. One day at work I got a rock in my shoe and I took it off. Stuck to my foot was a piece of blue confetti from the baby dust. That month I got my BFP. Just saying. But then again, after a long time, that kind of thing can drive you crazy when it doesn’t happen. But then it just shows that there is always room for hope. Keep hoping girl

  4. The $969 price made me feel a little queezy . . . but I know what you mean. I throw the pottery barn (etc) catologues away so that I can’t torment myself with them.

  5. It’s weird. I still get “that feeling” when I look at the little baby things.

  6. I understand completely *that* feeling. I do hope that it will someday go away for you.

    And like Beagle, I about choked when I saw the $969 price tag. Ouch. But it’s gorgeous. I say when you get your BFP you treat yourself!

  7. Yeah…I don’t think I’ll spend $1,000 on baby bedding when I had a heck of a time with the $150 I spent the first time (I really am lucky to have that).

    If anything, I learned that bumpers are totally unecessary, if not problematic. You can’t sneak in to watch the baby sleeping if you use them and they make changing linen a reall pain in the ass.

    But it is really cute, and to be honest, I kind of like the name. I know. Slap me.

  8. Holy crap that’s gorgeous!

    I wonder if it comes in a Queen size?

    Can you just imagine the price tag for that??

  9. That stuff is gorgeous, and as you said, pretty much unnecessary.

    I call sites like this infertility porn….bad for me in the sense that I am lusting after a fantasy that cannot exist. A fantasy that ensures the real life experience can never measure up.

    Because no child’s room will ever look that perfect, and real babies throw up and have leaky diapers. I’d freak if they messed up that stuff, and in real life, I’d much rather be less edgy around my kids.

    This might just be me? I don’t know…

  10. I couldn’t even click on the link. ‘Cause I feel bad enough just imagining all that, y’know, stuff.

  11. I feel this way several times a week. Don’t be hard on yourself for losing your temper. I truly believe that children do need to know that anger is a natural emotion. They need to see us react to things in appropriate ways and in these situations, anger was an appropriate response. Truly.
    And I’m so sorry about the bullying incident with the disabled girl. Do you think it was a peer pressure thing? Or perhaps he hasn’t spent much time around kids who are different from him yet and he didn’t know how to respond?
    You’re a good mother D. You are.


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