Posted by: DD | October 16, 2007

no. 544 – Fade To Black

Nearly every person who has ever started and maintained a blog writes a post about why they do blog. Somewhere along the line, I’m sure I have, too.

The range of reasons and introspection are as vast as the galaxy, I’m sure.

But what I want to know is why do you stop blogging? Or I should say, why do you stop writing?

I clarify because I know several of you do continue to check up on your friends (bless your sweet, giving hearts) and comment, but what is it about your blog that no longer holds the appeal it may have once had?

Really. I’m curious. Even if it’s because you are now content and no longer need it, I want to know.

Actually, I need to know.

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Responses

  1. You scared them off. Psycho.

    Honestly, I did stop blogging for awhile. It was after I had a miscarriage (that I didn’t blog about) and let’s face it, you blog for 5 years and it’s bound to become stale at some point. So I just quit. I needed the mental break of feeling as if I had to entertain people. Which is funny, since my first rule of blogging is doing it for myself. I understand the need for a break. That said, there are people out there that have just stopped after having a child post infertility and it kind of bugs me. I get that after you have a baby or two, your life chances, you get busy, but if it isn’t your cup of tea just say that you’re done. You don’t need a long drawn out good bye, just say you don’t feel like doing it. There’s the other spectrum where people feel like they’re so important that it has to be this big to do.

    Blah. Don’t even get me started.

  2. I used to post three times a day…and now, not so much.

    A large part of the reason I’ve almost slowed to a stop is that it’s not this hidden, private thing anymore. When I started blogging about 7 years ago (eep!), no one had heard of blogs. I didn’t hear the word aloud until about three years ago.

    Also, people I know in real life now read. Those two things combined make it so that I can’t talk about a lot of the shit going on in my life, and forcing yourself to write about stupid, inconsequential things when you have these giant looming events in your life you CAN’T write about is nearly impossible to do.

    Yeah.

  3. Statia – You mean I haven’t scared you away yet? Damn. I must try harder. Tomorrow I will go braless and wear no deoderant.

  4. I thought my blog was the only thing keeping me from feeling isolated for years. It felt like a lifeline to me. What would I do without my friends in the computer? When I unplugged from my blog I found I had all this time to be friends with “real” people. There was so much more room in my life. Room for my husband, and friends and hobbies long abandoned. Sometimes I think of something to post… but really it’s liberating to finally experience something and not wonder how to make it funny/dramatic/interesting for the Internets. I miss my friends in the computer though, and am still trying to find the balance to keep in touch.

  5. I’m back…..but will post less frequently, and with a much narrower focus. (1-2x per week, travel blog. 🙂 )

    I was burned out, and turned off by many aspects of blog culture, and felt helpless trying to find time to read everyone who visited, and to leave thoughtful comments. I also realized that I was spending all this time blogging and commenting, and never actually writing.

    Plus, I felt kind of alienated within the whole “mom blog” thing. As though people who met me were shocked that I really am kind of weird. Or something like that. (Hard to explain.)

    The Crazy that I attracted did not help either.

  6. JJ–Dead on with regard to finding there was more room in your life. I hope I can find some kind of middle ground this time.

  7. I kind of feel as though I ought to stop blogging because without the drama of cycling, without a happy ending success (aka a kid) to write about, my blog is a big Zzzzzzzzzz right now. What is there to say about waiting? No one wants to read about nothing. So I post photos in hopes that a few nice folks will keep checking in.

    Does that even answer the question.

  8. I took a break to sort my life out. Probably sounds stupid, but I needed to clear my head.

    I started blogging when I was pissed off while ttc. My blog was an outlet for me to bitch about what IF and my m/c’s had done to me. I had gone through a horrible bout of depression and withdrew from many of my friends and family. I got to the point where I couldn’t even call my SIL to congratulate her when she got pregnant. The address was given out to the people closest to me. They were the ones whom I needed to understand what I was going through, without having to tell them personally.

    After Katie was born, I walked that fine line for a while. Trying to keep people up to date about what was going on with me and the baby but trying to talk about other aspects of life too. I found myself struggling with what to post. I didn’t want to be “that girl” who overcame IF and then forgot about those in the trenches still. But Katie consumed my life, as did the struggles of parenthood. It seemed as though everything I posted about would meander it’s way back to my child.

    My life got ugly (at least I think it did) towards the end of the summer. My milk supply dropped and I couldn’t get it to recover, Katie decided to self-wean due to the low supply, work sucked donkey balls and my home and marriage were in shambles. I was trying to juggle too many things at one time and was failing miserably in all aspects. In order to get back on track and find myself again, I knew that I had to cut out all but the most essentials things in my life. Blogging was at the top of that list. I needed to focus on myself, my husband, my child, my job and my home. And getting them to all work cohesively together. It’s taken me a couple of months but I think I’ve gotten most of my shit together again.

  9. I really hope to see more comments on this. The ones above have been very, very enlightening, and quite frankly makes me less afraid.

  10. For me.. it’s truly a matter of time. I started bloggin to talk about bringing Gallo home. It’s been six months and it’s like he’s ALWAYS been here. I’m truly happy but find myself overwhelmed on a daily basis. By the time I do everything I have to for him, I find myself falling into bed exhausted. I work all day; take care of him all night. I barely have enough time to take a dump let alone find something interesting to write about. damn – this truly makes me want to write and fill people in on what’s going on. Of course, that makes the assumption that someone is reading 🙂

  11. For me, it’s mostly time plus the fear of being “outed” in real life. I feel like I was leaving so much out of my posts because I was afraid someone (mainly my husband) would find them. The truth is that even keeping a private journal scares me a little- I wonder how my son would feel if he read it someday. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about that, and how I should probably spend more time IRL dealing with my issues. On the blogging angle I admit to feeling a little stung when people I was super loyal about commenting to never reciprocated- felt a bit like high school all over again. So there’s my reasons- nothing very profound:)

  12. I don’t blog now, but have tried 2 times and taken them down. Two reasons. 1. Time. I just don’t have enough of it and when I have free time I’d rather be doing about 4 other things before blogging. 2. I am a perfectionist and I wanted my blog to be good. I didn’t feel like I had the time (again, time) to spend to make it what I wanted it to be. If it is going to be out there for everyone to see I feel as though it needs to be a good representation of me. I wouldn’t want someone to stumble on it and be disapointed. I felt as thought if my blog was just a place to get my feelings out, then I could do that by journaling in my bed with a pen and paper. I have made some good online friends (and even met a few irl) through the blogging community but, we still keep in contact through email even thought I’m a lame-o and I don’t blog! Okay, 3. I am really lucky and I have a few extremely good friends that I see weekly, if not daily, who give me the support that I need to keep going with all of this.
    Hope that helps

  13. I don’t know the answer to this question. I’m very introverted IRL and even having a blog was a huge step. Even though I tried to be balanced when posting, and examine the good and the bad, the entire blog was about IF, and it was where I went to wonder about what was happening to me. And it was so painful. So there’s something comforting about just quietly closing that door and not feeling that pain any more. I guess I lucked out, or am so distant and disassociated from myself would be the bad way of looking at it, that I generally didn’t have a problem being around pregnant people, any only in egregious cases got annoyed with ooopsie fertiles. The whole IF blogworld now is still homelike to me, but I really don’t have any desire to rejoin it as an active blogger.

  14. I get sick of hearing myself whine.

  15. I’ve been thinking about this alot lately and there are too many answers to that question, and no answers. Blogging became something I didn’t want it to be or mean it to be, and then I needed it to be that thing and when things changed in my life, it stopped being what I needed. Does that make sense?

  16. I agree with Lala, I get sick of hearing myself whine. When something truly maddening occurs, I’ll consider a post, but the warm fuzzy good stuff is mine to enjoy while I have it. I’ve been getting fewer and fewer commenters so either I am as boring as I’ve always believed, or no one really gives a rat’s ass anyway. Also, lack of time. And then there’s the whole frustration with infertility and loss angle that – well, for me, that dead horse has been beaten into bloody chunks by now. I probably should take mine down someday; though there are a few others I continue to read daily, I don’t really need to keep one anymore for my own sanity.

  17. It was always my angst that drove my first year of blogging, and once things started working out, it was my space to capture the joys I did not want to forget.

    I feel pretty freaking boring now. Add in a whole bunch of marital and financial shit that I can’t even breathe a public word about on my blog, and I feel pretty reigned in. It seems a battle between being tired, uninspired, or self-censored (or a combination of all three). I don’t currently feel like quitting, but I hate it when a week goes by and I just can’t bring myself to post another (possibly mediocre) entry.

  18. I don’t think that I could stop. Now that I can pwp sensitive posts, well, I just can’t resist continuing to spill my guts to the entirity of the internet!

    J

  19. I think I am different to most in that most of my readers are local (Ireland) and many of them are known to me, either friends and family or people I have met through infertility, parenthood and blogging. I would say the majority are not infertile and so I would like to think that I would still write a blog about infertility, once I have stopped writing about myself. That is, of course, if I have a happy ending.

    I wanted to stop writing a couple of months ago, I wanted to pretend to be normal and stop having people feel sorry for me. But as soon as something happened, I had to talk to my blog. So I don’t know how one stops – sorry, not much help!

  20. I am one of those whores who closed my IF site, and it’s honestly because of two reasons:

    1) I had a ttc site, and I conceived. We’re not going to try again, so it would be like “I’m writing on my ttc site. But we’re not ttc…ever again. So…um…hi.” I felt like a poseur.

    2) I have another site that I write on more, anyway. It made sense to combine the two, since the posts would generally be the same these days anyhow.

    I would stop blogging if I were ever outed, I think. I’ve been discovered by family, and that pisses me off, but if I were ever revealed I would close it all down. I agree with Statia-my blog is for me, and I hate feeling like I “must” post.

  21. I haven’t posted much since we stopped TTC because quite frankly, the adoption process is a whole lot more waiting than doing. I started blogging because TTC was kicking my ass and I was exhausted and J wasn’t giving me much support–it was a way to vent and get that support without having to put all the pressure on him. Since we’ve stopped, there just doesn’t seem to be much to write. I don’t blog about most of my life since a) most of it is boring and b) it’s supposed to be primarily an IF/adoption blog. And really, the things other than IF/adoption that I write about are things I’m very comfortable discussing with J or other friends IRL, so I don’t feel like I need my blog as an outlet so much.

    Plus, I feel guilty getting comments when I’ve been so horrendous about posting back to anyone in forever.

  22. thanks for asking this question…i’m still blogging (though less) and i haven’t thought a whole lot about why…lots of good food for thought here…
    peace
    shlomit

  23. Hmm… I think I don’t blog so much now becasue I feel like I bore the shit out of peole with pictures of my son, or else I ramble endlessly about breastfeeding.

    I think the blog became so single-focussed (ie. infertility, then pregnancy) that I now feel weird bringing up anything else, like my family ,or work, or writing or anything from any other part of my life. With these, I feel like “Where do I start?” becasue I haven’t been talking about them all along.

    Your blog is good because you do really being us into a lot of different aspects of your world.

  24. I don’t post as much these days because I think someone from my work is reading my blog or monitoring it and with the state budget not approved and talk of state employee layoffs, I am trying to not leave them an opening when I go on maternity leave. Plus that damn husband of mine is still reading and for the most part I started my blog to bitch about him so I could be nice when I got home and he found it and then when he reads one of my rants he gets ticked off. I keep telling him to stop reading then.
    Too bad divorce in Wisconsin would really screw me over since I have the good credit score and everything is in my name plus I pay for it all, he would still get half plus half of my retirement. Good thing we have extra beds in the house. 😉

  25. I write probably an average of twice a week. My audience is my family and friends, basically; I don’t actively recruit readers from elsewhere, I don’t post a lot of comments, do track backs, etc. It takes the pressure off, although it does maybe limit my sense of Blog Community..

    When I don’t write it’s because:
    1) too busy IRL
    2) nothing I deem sufficiently interesting happening here
    3) tired of hearing myself whine
    4) unhappy with the writing I’m producing in general
    5) I know the people who will read it and I can’t write freely because of them.

    My blog is mostly about my kids, and I can see a time when they are old enough to care what I’m writing about them that I will have to stop. I will probably keep writing about them, of course, just not publicly.

  26. My blog is a little different in that, for various reasons, I don’t talk about IF there. Also, it is very public: my family reads it and I do not try to keep it anonymous or hidden. That said, I stopped blogging because I found that my family and friends were reading it and keeping up with my life, but then not actually *talking* to me. So they heard me, but I didn’t hear them. Even with comments, blogs are pretty one-way deals. I needed more interaction, and a blog-hiatus is working out a little better so far.

    I do miss it. I’ve considered putting up a fully anonymous one. Not sure why….

  27. hmmm. I just think that everyone elses’ lives are so much more interesting than mine.

  28. I have had short hiatuses but have never thought about giving up permanently. I always used to write a diary and I guess my blog has replaced that. If I quit bloggin I would go back to diary writing. Blogging used to fill a big part of the void that was my life in Japan and although that void is no longer there, I have found myself part of this community and like it so even if I stopped writing myself, I would still check in on everyone.

  29. I hope to get back to blogging in some regular form, but for now, am too friggin tired and can’t find the time to post more than once a month or so (although I surprised myself by doing 2 in one week last week). My blog was more than just IF, so hopefully it will make the transition post-IF, but I do wonder what I’m going to write about. Mostly because I’m just so foggy brained right now.

  30. Really interesting to read everyone’s response, good question DD.

    I’m one of those that checks up on bloggers gone AWOL if I haven’t heard from them in a while.

    I was thinking just the other day, if I ever decide to stop for whatever reason (lack of time is the only reason I can think of for stopping) do I owe anyone in “the computer” a reason for stopping? Is that why so many bloggers just never post a final word saying their going, you know?

    I’m too polite as it happens, I’d write a final post, no fanfare, just goodbye. I wish more bloggers would do just that instead of just dropping off!

  31. I have not come to that point yet… Maybe I will someday, maybe not… That remains to be seen.

  32. I smelled something funny today. Was that you?

  33. Laziness? Nothing to write about? Watching too much TV in the evenings? Actually getting some work done at work? The latter has meant I’m reading less of other people’s blogs, too.

    I haven’t exactly stopped, just haven’t written much recently.

  34. Hiya, haven’t been around in a while. In response to your entry though, I have several blogs…1 for each aspect of me I spose. A few I haven’t written in for a long time..mostly time issues I think. I don’t have time to write in every one so I single out the more interesting.

  35. I have stopped updating my son’s blog and it is not because I don’t want to but simply because time is getting away from me. Then when it’s been a week than two weeks and then you feel like you can’t catch up and you get further and further detached from the blog.

    Aside from the time aspect I could never imagine not blogging because I love it, but it is very time consuming.

  36. Are you kidding me? I love having a place where I can bitch about my family. I will be blogging till the end 🙂

  37. “Honestly, I think a few of these bloggers have no time, but really unless they work a hundred hours a week? Unlikely. I think some of them start up for selfish reasons, to get support for their own reasons, and then stop when they are done needing others. They have no interest in giving back.

    You are very giving and comment on lots of blogs all the time. I think you would be supportive whatever happened. But lots of people simply don’t comment at all, or even read other bloggers. Pisses me off to no end. (I’m not talking about temporary breaks after bad stuff happens, I’m saying that they never give a shit about any other bloggers on a day to day basis.)”

    Reprinted with permission and under Anonymous. Originally submitted in an email.

  38. Delurking to throw in my ten cents worth: I agree with Erin above. I live overseas and my blog is for family and friends and I do not talk about our IF. Like her, what I have discovered is that family/friends keep up with our adventures, but there is no interaction. For that reason, I could be tempted to throw in the towel, but until then, I like to post what I want and whoever chooses to read/comment, will.

  39. Oooooh, Anonymous has some thorns out. I did used to work many, many hours a week, and I’d upload a post then work – my work bans nearly all blog sites, so an upload would happen in the morning, and by the time blogging would be possible in the evening, other things (dinner, laundry, rampant sex, you know, the usual) beckoned. And I wasn’t great about commenting on others’ sites (I’m still not) but I read them and I email.

    I don’t expect people to comment on my site if I comment on theirs, it’s just maybe I have something to add, a view, or whatever. I’m not keen on this constant “they comment here so I must comment there” cycle that blogs have, it’s the same with “they link me so I must link them”. I link loads of people, I just have it privately. Also, some of us (like me) aren’t great at commenting. But email me, I’m all about dialogues (although I confess I’m a bit slow about that in the past two weeks, but I mean generally). Just because a lot of bloggers don’t comment doesn’t mean that they don’t care.

  40. Occasionally, just for fun or a break, I surf other blogs now. Like today. I quit mine more than a year ago. The why was a lot like Andrea’s response, several posts up. I found myself putting more effort in my blog, and those virtual, so almost false (in many cases) relationships, than my children and husband, family, RL friends. They ARE my life. This other thing was just, well, not real. For me. I also began to sense a clique-y-ness, that reeked of highschool. I hated that then, and do even more now. That could just be my experience, though. My “real” life just needed more than my leftovers as I poured over templates, comments, sidebars, buttons, theme days, witty writing, etc.

  41. Sometimes I think that what I have to say just doesn’t matter. I go through awful bouts of depression, honestly…you know how it is. I always love checking on everyone, just to make sure you guys are okay because no matter how depressed i am i still want to feel happy for you guys.
    so when i’m not writing…i’m just hiding.

  42. I did it because I was ttc and kept miscarrying. I needed to deal with it because nobody I know has had even half the trouble I have and, those who have had half the trouble, now have their second and third children.

    My situation hasn’t changed one bit, but I found it hard to devote the love it required and I felt as if I was whinging too much, when in fact I had only just begun!

    Still consider it from time to time but now I am a loyal follower of about 5 particular sites all about bloody infertility!

    I need to get a life (ha!) – get the pun!

  43. Vacation takes me away from the computer for weeks. Working on other computer projects takes away from blogging for about a month. Or else it makes me blog every five minutes to stop working on my work. Depression actually made me blog more: I lived on my computer.

  44. I started blogging back in 1998 right after I got married. It was pretty much all about weight loss for a few months, and then it morphed into a ttc blog, which of course became an Infertility blog. Why did I stop? I’m tired and busy and so sensitive that I cry if any comments seem even slightly ‘off’ to me. Pretty much, my skin has thinned even moreso since having kids, and I just can’t take it anymore. Which is a bit sad because I miss being able to speak.


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