Posted by: DD | December 6, 2007

EVERYTHING IS FINE

. . . As far as Murdock goes and you could have knocked me over with a feather when the PA (not R*bbie) told me so. I didn’t get to see the heart beat, but she said it was. She had the screen pulled in close to her. All I could see was the gestational sac and something still in it. I was also given a new glossy black and white picture to take home.

I return for another scan as scheduled on Thursday, the 13th.

I feel rather sheepish and I honestly don’t believe I have any more right to be obsessed and paranoid over any one else, but I keep being reminded that I “have been through so much”.

I admit that I feel a bit defensive when I’m told that, just because I believe I shouldn’t have to go through all these cycles and miscarriages. No one should to get what they want. It sucks.

When I asked the PA if there are other women who get a little stir-crazy during this time, she said the same thing to me (about going through so much). I asked her when do they start to level out and get their wits about them. She replied that they don’t until they go home with the baby.

In some ways that made me feel better as for not feeling like a freak; on the other hand, I potentially have seven more months to feel like this. That sucks, too.

For now though, Murdock is on track and that certainly does NOT suck.

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Responses

  1. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. *Phhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*

    That’s me exhaling.

  3. Thank goodness. (please stay)

  4. Whew. I will still believe for you, even if you have your doubts at times.

    I am so dang grateful right now. I will be even more grateful in 7 months (for both us then!).

    “Hang in there” and let me know if you need me to have a drink for you.

  5. WHEW.

    Now. Do NOT feel bad or guilty or that you’re a freak because you’re scared out of your mind. You have to do what you have to do to stay sane, and your clinic sounds like they understand.

    You might not feel completely comfortable for the next 7 months, but I have to think that it will get easier for you with each milestone, each scan, each passing day.

    Hang in there, hon. Huge virtual hugs coming your way.

    xx

  6. Do not feel bad for wanting another scan (wow look at me – I’m all “DO NOT DO THAT!” Wow.) Not to be a cow about it, but you have been through a lot and it makes you protective of your self-preservation. Of course you wanted a scan, and if mental health was something we could get out of a drinking fountain then we’d all be telling you it wasn’t necessary. But you needed some peace of mind. Absolutely, totally support you in this.

    And I’m happy for you.

    Also? I’m drinking for you.

  7. I agree that each day will get a little bit easier, as you pass more and more of the milestones that bring you closer to a THB. (take-home babe).

    I am so, so relieved that Murdock is still truckin’.

  8. Such great news.
    I know my syptoms always go away early and resurface at about 8 weeks worse then before.

    I am paranoid all the time and I haven’t gone through half of what other women do.

  9. Great news.

  10. Go Murdock! Great news.

  11. What a relief x

  12. I am so glad for you. I can so relate to how you are feeling. I was sure my second pregnancy would be more relaxed because I had proof that I could do it, but I was wrong. I am sorry that you are not able to feel secure. It sucks!

  13. Yay for Murdock!!!!

  14. Thank goodness!

  15. Doin my happy dance here.
    DinoD

  16. I told you before, 5 weeks left and it still doesn’t seem real here. I am with you through it all so feel free to call if you need to chat.

  17. whew!

  18. I’m so glad your fears have been laid to rest for at least a little while. Yay on the good scan 🙂

  19. Whew. Murdok is alright…

    You’re entirely reasonable in needing frequent reassurance, I wouldn’t feel in the least defensive about it.

    J

  20. Woohoo!!!! Over the moon for you guys! That’s fabulous news. I’m glad the PA was honest about the fear feelings… So now we wait until the 13th – Mr. DD is going to this one I hope?

  21. Woo freaking hoo! So glad you can breath easier for a few days (until the paranoia creeps back).

  22. YAY! i’m so glad to hear it.

  23. WOOHOO!!! Go Murdock.. Go Murdock.. (can you see my happy dance? no? I look like an idiot but I’m doin’ it anyhow) – wonderful news!

    If you need an ultrasound every few days, then you need an ultrasound every few days, there is nothing to feel bad about.. think of it as being proactive with your prenatal care… ;o)

    Seriously, I was paranoid for little or no reason for 9 months (as in, I LOVED labor because I finally got constant monitoring and could relax)… fortunately, I am narcissistic and self-absorbed enough that I really didn’t feel bad about it. Find your inner narcissist. Do what you need to do to get through.

  24. What a relief for you! Go Murdock!

  25. YAY! And now I can go to bed, with a big smile of relief on my face.

    Go, Murdock, go! Grow, grow, grow!

  26. Sooooooo glad to hear the good news. I definitely would not feel bad about calling to get an ultrasound whenever you need it. Didn’t Tom C.ruise buy his own machince. Sure we all thought he was nuts. Ok I still think he nuts, but buying the machine was probably the most understandable thing he has ever done. Your emotional health is just as important as your physical health. I’m sure little Murdock is in there rolling his/her eyes (do they have eyes yet?) at old mom the worrier.

    Yup the worrying will continue, but at least for tonight I hope you can relax (at least a little) and enjoy. I’m smiling for you!

  27. Yay Murdock!!!! Glad for the good news. 🙂

  28. Huge relief! So glad!

  29. Now you can do the 24 hour relax.

    Good for you.

  30. I’m glad things are still going well.

  31. I love it when things don’t suck.

  32. I hope this great news carries you all the way till the next scan which will carry you to the one after that and all the way through to cankles. 🙂

  33. Goodness abounds over here! Wonderful news!

  34. YAY!!!

    And I didn’t “get over it” until I got out of the hospital w/ my baby…

  35. Whoopee!!!! Glad everything is okay! I like the new look here, too!

  36. Nope, that news does not suck at all.

  37. I let out a ‘whoosh’ of relief.

    Come on, Murdoch!

  38. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

    Feel free to get as many as you need, and don’t worry about it.

    Now if you ever have a moment when you can’t get to an ultrasound, then think about doing the nausea test. Figure out what makes you sick, for sure for sure, and if you are ever worried, then just try smelling it or looking at it.

    Every time I get worried, I just look at uncooked eggs. Very reassuring, if urpy.

  39. yay. I’m smiling very much for you.

  40. That’s great news! I did start relaxing a little bit in the third trimester…finally 🙂

  41. Awesome news. Get as many scans as you need, girlfriend. I booked them once a week during the first 13 weeks and my RE was totally cool with that. In fact, he said there was a study about the “TLC effect” – the closer a woman is monitored in the first trimester, the lower her chance of miscarriage. So get ’em often and damn what anybody else thinks.

  42. So glad to read your headline. Phew!

  43. Can we remind you of this when you start to go stircrazy again next week? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

    You don’t have much experience with things going right so I know this has to be hard to believe. But keep in mind, this is a totally new ballgame. One that you haven’t played before.

    yay!

  44. What a big relief. I think all pregnant women suffer the panic to a certain extent. I had no particular reason to be paranoid and neurotic but I definitely didn`t calm down until I took Joey home with me. In Japan they do regular scans throughout the pregnancy no matter what so that helped alot but I dread to think what I would be like if I ever have another baby in a country that doesn`t do that.

    Fingers crossed that the next week FLIES by. xx

  45. Relieved for you. And beyond glad.

  46. Woohoo – I knew it! If you’re a freak then so am I.

  47. Yay!

  48. MurDOCK, MurDOCK, MurDOCK!

    I’m so excited and relieved that everything is OK, and that the PA was so understanding.

  49. WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Seriously, your news has just made my day so much better. I got to work in a fairly decent mood, realizing that life is pretty good when you’ve got something steady to wake up for 5 days a week, only to be berated by my boss FROM THE VIRTUAL WORLD.

    So thanks! And tell Murdock thanks as well!

  50. I’m so glad everything looks good! Hang in there, DD. You can do this.

  51. That absolutely does not suck!!! I’m so freaking excited for you guys!!!!!

  52. I lost track of how many ultrasounds I had. And now that Myles has been home for a couple weeks, I’m starting to let go of all the tension (which means I can now move my neck and shoulders again…yay!). Do what you have to do to get through. But no matter what happens, know that you’ve got a cheering section out here hoping for only good things. {{{hug}}}

  53. Yay Murdock!

    DD, I had many many scans and I was fearful each and every day during my pregnancy that something would happen. I now have my 14 month old and am so grateful. I know from my experience somewhat how you feel.

    Hugs to you.

    Get as many scans as you need to feel comfortable.

  54. HOORAY!

    Oh, that makes me so very happy for you.

  55. I’m glad everything is still ok. How far along are you now?

    For me, I would be fine until about a week before each appointment and then I would be paranoid that the baby had died and I didn’t know it. It wasn’t until about 18-20 weeks that I chilled out. That was when she really started being active and I didn’t need an ultrasound to tell me that she was still alive in there.

  56. I’m still treading carefully, I mean, do you think I’m mad? Until he’s in my arms I still don’t believe, I only hope!

    XXX

  57. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
    Just FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  58. Whoo- HOO!!!

    I knew you would have more fun than me Thursday. Just got out of the hospital today (gall-bladder free) and had to check in. BTW thanx for the tip about pillow – I took mine and felt great.

    I totally agree with the PA – I lent my CBFM out at 8 months pregnant and asked to have it back “just in case”. My friend looked at me like I was crazy. I did notyfeel like everything was OK until I brought T home.

    But enough about me… I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

    Let 2008 BE your year!!!

  59. {whew} Being pg after loss can be such a mindf*ck. I’m so glad you went in and got great news! I had people avoiding me like the plague b/c for MONTHS I could not escape the DBTs (dead baby thoughts).

    We are sister freaks, as I definitely did not believe it until Tiny Boy was born (relatively) healthy. Hang in there as best you can, and I heartily vote for going in whenever you can’t push away the DBTs. Hooray Murdock!!!

  60. Glad you got your scan.

    I’ve heard the anxiety doesn’t end.

    You will stay awake at night, watching your baby breathe.

    My mom says you will do this until your baby leaves for college, and that you will sneak a peak on ’em when they’re home for visits until they are visiting with their spouse.

    I’m so happy for you!


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