Posted by: DD | December 27, 2007

no. 569 – Quarter

I’ve made it through one quarter of a pregnancy – 10 weeks. With this last appointment, I have been instructed to seek a "prenatal" appointment with an OB; wean myself off the estrace; reduce my PIO shots to just one every other day for another week (damn!); and scheduled my "Ultra Scan" which is what my RE’s clinic calls the Nuchal Tranlucency Screening test in another two weeks.

So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, we need to talk.

I’ve learned a lot about blogging in 2 1/2 years. I learned a lot about myself and infertility. I have developed a list in my head over the years of what I would do if I was ever to get (and theoretically stay) pregnant.

I will post ultrasound pictures

I will not post belly shots

I will not nickname the pregnancy after something edible (Peanut, Raisin, Goober, etc.)

I will not set up blinkies or tickers

I will not compile a birth plan

I will not post a 12-part birth story

Etc.

Etc.

Notice all the "Don’ts"?

I thought I was rather confident about my one "Do" – Continue to Blog.

But now? I just don’t know what you want to read about as I’ve based my above opinions on what irked me in the past (if I was able to get past the envy, pick my ass off the floor, and continue to read someone’s blog after they got pregnant). Obviously the "relationship" we had has changed. It’s not even a subtle change, either. It’s palatable, trust me.

I am out of my element.

Infertility….

Miscarriages…..

These were my comfort zones, as sick as that may sound, so now I flounder. I know that for many, you don’t know what to say, what to offer, but I seriously can’t find my voice in an empty forest.

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Responses

  1. I’m glad all is still well.

    I didn’t blog much during my pregnancy for various reason. I figured that no one wanted to hear about my constant fears or how damn boring life was on bedrest all those weeks. I didn’t blog a birth story because what can really be said about an emergency c-section other than that it happened? Now I don’t blog much because I find myself annoyed by what I say when I do blog. Much like the family letters that come with holiday cards, does anyone really care that my kid got 4 new teeth or that the other one is walking now? Perhaps if I were clever enough in my writing to make it interesting, but obviously I am not. And yet I read many post-IF blogs written by women who *are* clever enough to still interest me. I imagine that you will become one of those ladies.

  2. Your blog isn’t about infertility, DD. It’s about YOU. Just give us you — what you’re feeling, thinking, whatever. You’re very considerate to worry so much about other people’s feelings, but this blog is yours and we are your friends. Do your thing, lady.

  3. Empty forest – pshaw.

    Add these to your dont’s:
    Don’t shortchange your audience!
    Don’t leave US in the forest alone, Missy.

  4. I *want* to see belly pics and even hear complaining as you get big and uncomfortable. If it’s too much for some of the women in the throes of infertility they can come back later after their happy endings. Don’t hold back!

    I read Julia Hippogriffs and am pleased as punch that she’s made it to 36 weeks with twins. I will be equally pleased for you.

  5. So glad things continue to go well!

    I’ve been struggling too with how much to discuss about my pregnancy on my blog. Not for privacy issues – just because I know a lot of my adoption readers struggled with fertility and it is difficult to hear about pregnancies. I shared in the beginning only because I was so shocked.

  6. DD, write about what you THINK about – what goes on during your day, how you feel, how this pregnancy is affecting you and your family… I agree with Mollywogger. Go with it. 🙂

    Glad you’re well, BTW 😉

  7. Write about whatever you are thinking / feeling -whatever you feel like sharing. If it’s about pregnancy stuff, so be it. If the reader is bothered she will stop reading (or at least she has that ability and should use it!) I’m one of those weird IFers. I cringe at pregnancy news unless it’s from an IFer. Sick perhaps, but I feel like she’s earned the right to blab away. It’s nice to know someone made it out of the darkness, so to speak.

  8. I’m with the rest of them…if you want to post belly pics, go right ahead! For someone like you, I can totally be happy and excited for you and the pics don’t bother me one bit. If they do bother someone, they can click away. This is your blog.

  9. Personally my pet peeve is when people get PG and then just disappear. I really wouldn’t worry about what other people think- just write about you and your life and what you feel like writing about. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’ve finally gotten to this point. I hope the rest of the pregnancy is boring and easy and un-dramatic. Love you… 🙂

  10. As infertility is not something I’ve experienced, I don’t come here to read about that. I come to read about YOU whatever that may mean at the moment. I would feel a loss if you stopped blogging and I doubt I’m the only one.

  11. I will miss you if you leave, but please do whatever helps you get through this.

  12. I really want to hear about the puking and the hotness and the freak outs over clothing and seat belts and stuff. Cuz I’m like that.

    Besides, you so know you want to talk about it. 😛

  13. I enjoy reading your blog and I feel the “your blog” is what is important. You blog for you and those of us who can’t take it, get jealous, angry or sad have to make our own decsion if we want to continue reading. You’ve been through a lot and deserve to enjoy this pregnancy without worrying about anyone else’s feelings. Not that your some kind of ogre that would rub it in our faces. Just continue being you. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

  14. Oh, but I was so looking forward to calling it a wittle pumpy-umpkin.

    (I just threw up in my mouth a little).

  15. I hate when people get pregnant and disappear. So many have, and when they disappear, they stop posting AND reading others blogs.

    I love reading your blog because of YOU in your totality.

    I need others who succeed to root me on, and more importantly… I want to keep rooting for you! Whether you are in your 3rd trimester bitching about heartburn, or you are making turnips for dinner. I still care.

  16. I’m not taking the time to read everyone’s comments so I apologize if I’m repeating a theme here: I think you should write whatever it is that you want to, even if that means doing something you previously said you never would do, but now want to. Your blog, your space to do as you will. If someone doesn’t like it, they don’t have to read.

  17. I’m with the other readers on this one–it drives me crazy when someone blogs for a long time and then, when hopefully everything is going well, they disappear. Your blog is for you, of course. You deserve to post whatever you damned well please. If you don’t post belly shots, no one will stalk you down and demand it. But we will stalk you if you stop posting. Though you may not want to check your subscribers for a while, as there are always those who stop reading when you get to that point. I lost several readers when I stopped pursuing treatments to pursue adoption. Since I know that having a readership is important to you (and let’s all be honest, we can talk about blogging for ourselves but if we didn’t care about readers, we’d blog privately), know that those of us who are excited to read are still reading and want very much to read about everything you have to say.

    I, for one, would really, really miss your blogging. I’m looking forward to the complaints that come at the end of a pregnancy–because it will mean that you’ve gotten to that point that so many dream of reaching.

  18. I applaud you for not wanting to do the things that have bothered you over the years. But I do think it’s perfectly possible to continue blogging without going there. No belly pics? Easy. (Or you could post links to them so that people don’t have to look unless they want to). No name after a food? I think Murdock is a great name, if you decide to continue with that. If not, you’ll come up with something equally as apropos. And yes, I hope that you do continue to blog, and that you do keep telling us about what you’re thinking and feeling and how things are going. I will miss you terribly if you go away!

  19. Sigh, you know, personal rules can change, even the US Constitution does. You just have to keep the principles consistent, right? So, if you want to post bellypics, you can do it on your other blog under the password, and warn people, super simple. Or put them on facebook.

    But of all the things that you do during this pregnancy, don’t let one moment of joy slip from your fingers because you are worried about what others think. If you are scared or tense or worried get it out. People need to know that pg after IF isn’t all perfect and easy and simple. And then after you tell us you are freaked out, tell us how happy you are to be where you are. So we can all know that the struggle is worth it.

    There is a difference between obnoxiously rubbing your good fortune in others faces, and being utterly grateful and joyful in what you have. And you know how to do it.

    So do it.

  20. As one of the people who disappeared, I’m begging you to keep blogging. This blog is about you and that’s why we all come to read. I stopped blogging because my work life kept me away- not enough time-but I never stopped reading-albeit on my blackberry just before falling asleep-hence the lack of commenting. I think it’s time to forget about what anybody thinks and blog from the heart. Do what you want-post belly shots if you want- what will you do if we all start asking for them. He He- I could start a campaign. Anyway-just continue being you and don’t feel guilty.

  21. Write on, my friend, write on! You could write about the number of holes in your swiss cheese and I’d read it. Write to get it out, the good, bad and ugly…and if you put up a post pg belly shot, I will too. trust me on this one, my pic will be scary as hell. ;o)

  22. So, does it have to be black or white, all or nothing? Times changes and your writing has adapted. I know you still have a voice – write for you, your needs, your stories.

    Your voice may ebb and flow between quiet and loud, but I still hear that you have things to say.

    C’mon, now that you look exactly like Ka.tie Hol.mes, you certainly will have things to talk about in NE.

  23. Oh sweetie, I so feel your pain!!! But, I, just like all the others would hunt you down if you quit blogging!! I want to hear all about Murdock, and know that all is going well with you and the X-Boy, your life in the Great Plain, and so on!!! But, like I said I so feel your pain and understand the hard decision!! Hang in there!!!

  24. what everyone else said (although I realise I’m not the audience you are speaking to here). When I got pregnant for the first time, I wrote the obligatory pregnancy guilt post, and pamplemousse told me to get over it (although nicer than that). She told me to write what I was feeling, so I did. I hope you will do the same.

  25. Hopefully it isn’t me you are talking about. I still love you and hope that you finally get your dreams to become reality. I don’t post much here, you know that jinxing thing. I do keep tabs on you, I am your very own stalker. 😉

    I do understand your reluctance in coming over by me though and don’t hold it against you. I also understand how you feel in when to tell, who to tell, and then what if all hell breaks loose and you have to untell. It is not easy and even now I still can’t believe this may really happen.

    Do what you have to for yourself. This is your blog and it is up to each reader whether or not they can handle reading what you decide to write.

    Oh, did you change the password on your other site? The one I had won’t work for me. Don’t you love me anymore. (sniff, sniff)

  26. Hopefully it isn’t me you are talking about. I still love you and hope that you finally get your dreams to become reality. I don’t post much here, you know that jinxing thing. I do keep tabs on you, I am your very own stalker. 😉

    I do understand your reluctance in coming over by me though and don’t hold it against you. I also understand how you feel in when to tell, who to tell, and then what if all hell breaks loose and you have to untell. It is not easy and even now I still can’t believe this may really happen.

    Do what you have to for yourself. This is your blog and it is up to each reader whether or not they can handle reading what you decide to write.

    Oh, did you change the password on your other site? The one I had won’t work for me. Don’t you love me anymore. (sniff, sniff)

  27. Hopefully it isn’t me you are talking about. I still love you and hope that you finally get your dreams to become reality. I don’t post much here, you know that jinxing thing. I do keep tabs on you, I am your very own stalker. 😉

    I do understand your reluctance in coming over by me though and don’t hold it against you. I also understand how you feel in when to tell, who to tell, and then what if all hell breaks loose and you have to untell. It is not easy and even now I still can’t believe this may really happen.

    Do what you have to for yourself. This is your blog and it is up to each reader whether or not they can handle reading what you decide to write.

    Oh, did you change the password on your other site? The one I had won’t work for me. Don’t you love me anymore. (sniff, sniff)

  28. Ok, I am sorry that I just put my same comment on 3 times. This home computer sucks donkey balls for trying to navigate.


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