Posted by: DD | January 2, 2008

no. 572 – The Debate To Tell Continues

I thought I could say something to my Mom this past weekend about the pregnancy, but I just couldn’t form the words. As many of you wise folks asked, what’s the harm in waiting? While I would hope there would be no harm, my Mother – bless her dear bitter soul, is a bit depressive and I worry she will be angry if I withhold this news until her return early March.

I should also mention that she knows nothing in detail about our treatments except that she’s aware of some of our trips to The Metro to see a doctor. Not only that, but she has no idea that I’ve had three other miscarriages after Vivienne. I guess one of the reasons I never mentioned it was due to a conversation we had shortly after my miscarriage in 2004 where she just couldn’t believe that this had happened to me as she never had any problems conceiving and carrying a child.

Yeah. OK, Mom. I won’t ask then what form of birth control you used between child number three and child number four in which there was a 7 year dry spell. A perfect example of how ignorance is not only bliss but somehow gives one a free pass to push the ego.

I admit that I’m still entertaining the idea of telling her before she leaves, which as one of you suggested, on the trip to the airport since I’m the one who was volunteered for that job. Then again, my next doctor appointment is Tuesday (she flies out Wednesday) and the whole issue may be moot.

Sunday night I thought I picked up a heartbeat on the doppler, but now I’m not so sure, especially since I haven’t been able to get it again. I’m just hoping I’m on the ebb portion of the ebb/flow of pregnancy symptoms and not just because Murdock is . . .  well, you know. While I’ve gained a couple of pounds since November, I noticed one missing today and I’m not as bloated or as symptomatic as I had been this weekend.

I never realized how lucky I was to make it to 15 weeks with Vivienne as it seemed to have been over in a blink. These past 11 weeks have been nothing less than eternal.

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Responses

  1. That’s so tough. Not only do you have worries about the pregnancy itself but you have to spend so much time worrying about how people are going to feel about the manner and timeframe in which they are let in on the news. So not what you need right now. Sending hugs and chocolate.

  2. You shouldn’t have to spend so much time worrying about what insensitive/obtuse family members and/or friends might think about ‘when’ you tell them you’re pregnant. I suggest you tell when you feel comfortable telling, and not a moment before. If anyone has a problem with ‘when’ they hear your news, let it be there problem, not yours.

    Now breathe, and try to enjoy the rest of your day.
    🙂

    Happy New Year, DD.

  3. If you’re debating it this much, then you’re probably not ready for it. We haven’t told our families about K yet, either–we do the same kind of debating, except amongst ourselves. Ultimately, it comes down to once you’ve told, you can never untell, and we don’t want the untelling again. Pessimistic to be sure, but we just don’t feel we have a whole lot else to go on anymore.

    How are you planning on dealing with the doctor’s appointment without her knowing?

    I hope it really was Murdock’s heartbeat and that you’re able to pick it up again.

  4. Dopplers (or maybe just me as an operator) always seem to be a bit flakey in the earlyish weeks (anything pre 14) in my experience. I have always gone for waiting to tell until the moment when I felt slightly less paranoid which for me was after the 12w nuchal. My miscarriages I haven’t told my family about – they have come either at a time when others have been enduring much worse or when we were supposed to be being fantastically jolly and then having not told at the time you end up never telling as it seems kinda odd to bring it up. If you cant tell her whilst she is away I think I might go for telling on the trip to the airport. Happy new year from here too.

  5. Hang in there, DD. I’ll be thinking of you.

    xo,
    otj

  6. Frankly, I’d rather deal with the anger and wait it out until you’re actually a bit more comfortable with the whole pregnancy thing. It’s YOUR body and your choice to tell.

    *sigh* Would be nice to live in a black and white world, wouldn’t it?

    Hugs and hang in there, hon.

  7. If you’re not sure whether to tell, you probably shouldn’t. Who wants to deal with someone else’s issues when you already have so much to deal with on your own regarding the pregnancy, right?

    My mom has said similar stuff to me about my problems. “I don’t understand it. No one in my family has had any problems getting/staying pregnant.” Of course, they all had kids at 20 – 22 and I’m nowhere near that age. Ah, family.

  8. I still vote for telling her on the way to the airport. If she weren’t going for such a long time, that’d be a different thing.

    Do you think it’ll be any easier telling her in March? ‘Cuz it’s not sounding like it’s going to be easy for you, whenever you tell her.

  9. Is there a reason you can’t tell her while she is on her trip, when you tell everyone else?


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