Posted by: DD | February 4, 2008

no. 591 – The Mourning After

As children, many of us probably grew up hearing about the Schoolhouse Blizzard of 1888 or the Tri-State Tornado of ’25, or the Dust Bowl of the 30’s. We heard the stories but most of the time we could never imagine being in that particular situation. They may have been told to us in such great detail and with such fervor, we remained rapt with attention but were able to walk away with would always remain a story of someone’s past.

For those who were part of these terrifying and life-altering events, these were more than just stories. These were the patches of their quilt of life. An elderly story-teller probably becomes as animated as the time the events took place. Tears may still spill as they recall lost family and friends.

We have similar moments in blogging. There are still just a handful of bloggers remaining who were there when Cecily and Tertia both lost their twin boys. I am not part of that handful, coming into blogging nearly a year later from each of those occurrences, but the ripples of those events were still very apparent.

This weekend something equally as heartrending occurred, as many of you now know, when Mary Ellen and Steve lost their three daughters, Sylvia, Claire and Lucy. There have been others who I’m sure have had equally painful losses, but for me this was different because I "knew" them through their blogging. For the others, I came too late…a generation in blogging years.

I know I’ll never forget how I felt this weekend as the updates came in and I know many others have been irrevocably affected as well.

I struggled all weekend with how I wanted to move onward; on how I wish there was something I could do to make it all go away…and while I can’t make it disappear, I have to keep moving. I also found a beautiful post on Everyday Stranger that seems to combine how I’ve been feeling about my own pregnancy along with how lately there has been so much tragedy to forge through. Most of Helen’s posts are poignant, but this one struck me because she was able to put into words what I am unable to do right now.



  1. Yes, yes, and yes.

    Thank you for posting this. It’s like you put my thoughts into the computer.

  2. If life were fair, there would be no losses such as this in the IF world. Unfortunately, that’s not the way life works although I wish it would. I so wish it would work that way.

  3. I haven’t ever had to go through anything like that, but since having a baby, I absolutely cannot get through posts like that. It’s too sad to think of those babies.

  4. I hadn’t read Mary Ellen and Steve’s blog before your link. My heart has felt so heavy all weekend like someone is sitting on top of my chest. It’s too horrible. My brain can’t quite put it all together and maybe that’s a good thing. Thank you for today’s post and the link to Everyday Stranger.

  5. My heart breaks for ME & Steve.

  6. This is just so incredibly sad. My heart breaks for them. I did read on and off, but that was a little while back so thanks for the update.

    You are correct, three seems to be a lot of loss right now. Between this post and your other site, you have two of my fears pinned down. As I may have mentioned before, we went the route of adoption becasue I was at my limit with loss and sadness in IF. I feared any other disappointments or losses would be too much for me to handle. As I read stories of loss and even stories of anxiety during pregnancy my own heart palpitates and I do feel sincere sadness. It is at those moments that I am reminded that I did the right thing for myself. Not saying it takes others sadness to do that, but since I am the questioning type, seeing my worst fears played out reinforces that I should trust myself.

    Hang in there – I am sure this especially hard for you since you have not been on this side of the game before. Usually, you are one of the ones I am mourning.

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