Posted by: DD | April 1, 2008

no. 628 – Breaking Ground

XBoy: When I eat food it goes through my body and comes out my poop hole.

Me, correcting him: Anus.

XBoy: And when I drink something, it goes through my body and comes out my penis.

Me: Hm-mmm.

XBoy: But when you drink something, it doesn’t come out your penis ’cause you don’t have one. It comes out of your poop-…anus.

Me: Uh, well, no. Girls may not have penises but their pee comes out a different hole.

* break ground with shovel *

XBoy: Where?

Me: Do you remember when you would help changing the girl babies’ diapers at daycare? They have a vulva and in the vulva are two holes, one is a urethra and the other is the vagina. Girls pee out their urethra.

* start digging hole *

XBoy: What’s the vajna (sic) for?

Me: Babies come out of a Mommy’s tummy through the vagina.

* continue digging *

XBoy: No they don’t. They come out of the tummy after the doctor cuts it open.

Me: Well, that’s how you came out, but most babies come out of the vagina. You had to come out through the tummy because the doctor said you weren’t going to come out the other way and you had to come out quickly.

* still digging and telling myself to just shut the fuck up already *

XBoy: Oh.

XBoy: Mommy?

Me: Yes.

* holding my breath and wondering just how the hell did I end up in this discussion *

XBoy: Can I have a WebKinz?

Me: Of course!

* breathing sigh of relief as I crawl out of the deep hole I had dug myself into *

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Responses

  1. vajna. Ha!

    I love X-boy.

  2. LOL.

    So, which one is he getting?

  3. You did so much better than I did. If you don’t have a penis, how do you pee? We’ll talk about it when you’re older. oy!

  4. I actually thought that went very well. Good answers to the questions. You can pat yourself on the back, now 😉

  5. P is going to be the kid from Kindergarten Cop: “Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina!” I just know it. Now XBoy can join him!

    P is alternately fascinated and bored by the birth videos that I show my Bradley classes. The other night, he kept letting out these huge sighs and when it was over, we all heard “NOW can I watch Sleeping Beauty?!”

  6. Oh holy HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I was sitting here in my office laughing hysterically. Good thing nobody walked by. I’m still finding it amusing. BWAHAHAHA. Snort. Giggle.

  7. Ha ha ha!

    (Am I the only one who had to google WebKinz?)

  8. Sounds like the conversations I had with my kids before the baby was born!

  9. Man, that is SO the kindergarten experience for me, too. Miracle Girl got a WebKinz for Easter, so “we’ve” been learning about that whole world. (Just shoot me now!)

    And yesterday, I found her hunched over on the bathroom floor, looking curiously at her bits. She pointed at the opening of her vagina and said “that’s where my pee comes out!” I had to clarify (urethra, a smaller hole just inside the vulva.) If you’re up for extra fun, you could always tell XBoy that the hole at the end of his penis is a urethra, too. 😉 ).

    MG’s *this* close to asking how tab A fits in slot B, wanting to know how dogs get pregnant, and people, and why chickens can lay some eggs that don’t turn into chicks? We have “that book” you mentioned on our bookshelf, but I won’t be bringing it out any time soon!

  10. Jesus, whatever you do, don’t get him a Webkinz. I totally avoided getting one, because I knew how addicted I’d get. So unbeknownst to my sister, she gets one for me, and is like “these are all the rage, have you ever heard of them?” 16 Webkinz later….

  11. you’re lucky he didn’t ask for a car at that precise moment, you might have promised one!

    xboy is too cute!

  12. What digging? You did a fabulous job! I’m very proud of you for being so together. It’s not easy having these talks.

  13. Is it wrong that I giggled my way through reading this??

    J


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