Posted by: DD | April 16, 2008

no. 638 – Now What Part Exactly Do Chicken “Fingers” Come From?

Coincidently to the prior post, I notice the door to the laundry room is open while we were sitting down to supper. I bit my tongue instead of creating a scene ripe for a food fight and once we had finished eating, went to address my OCD wife-iness.

Before I shut the door, I saw a zip lock bag sitting on the floor full of yellow, powdery stuff. "Aw, hell, now what hazardous material has that man brought into our house now?" I thought. First let me show you what I saw:415_078

It looks innocuous enough, doesn’t it?

I go to stand over it, while also trying to figure out why that stupid bucket is sitting in the middle of the floor (I have a few like that in the basement and there are several in the shop, leftovers from our cat-owning days, so it didn’t immediately strike me as whacked).

When I did, something in the bucket moved. I startled. I leaned in for a closer look…

MOTHERFUCK!!

Literally.

Kind of.

My mother dropped these off for us, presumably for XBoy.

415_081

Don’t ask what will happen next to them. Mr. DD is less than pleased with his MIL and asked if I was going to take them out and shove them down a badger hole. After briefly considering it, of course I told him no.

We haven’t told XBoy yet. I’ll wait to see if they make it 24 hours in the house, which is unlikely. It’s probably not warm enough for them, even though I have the bucket situated over that heat vent and have the opening draped with a towel to reserve heat. I even threw in some easter grass for them to sit in instead of that lid with food.

Normal kids get goldfish. Grandchildren of farmers get livestock. And since it will be impossible (whether physically or mentally) to flush these poor bastards down the toilet if they die, I’ll also be out in the field somewhere digging a shallow grave.

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Responses

  1. WTF!!! You are one nice mommy if you keep those things. Do you have a chicken coop? Will they lay eggs? Where did she get them from? Can you have them pecking around in your yard?? Seriously! Hey, since you didn’t get X Boy the headlamp from your winnings at work, maybe you should keep the chicks!!!

  2. Oh my god….I don’t know what else to say.

  3. My fear would be, not that they die, but that they live. Because what the heck do you do with them?

    We have one guppy, a survivor from a batch that died off. This one refuses to die, and we are getting ready to move. I don’t want to move one guppy. But I’m not comfortable intentionally killing him either.

  4. That is so totally inappropriate. But they are very cute 😉

  5. I am so freaking jealous. I want chickens like the dickens but mr. says NO WAY. Jerk!

    Granted, we do line in a big city with a small yard and one of our family members is a 75 pound poodle, but there are some freaking cool chicken coops in the back of Utne Reader. How pathetic am I?

    If the chickens could make it to MN I would gladly take them off your hands, but I am laughing at the thought of the postperson delivering them.

  6. I totally agree– pets are NOT a gift, unless the receiver has specifically ASKED the giver to help find a specific pet right now).

    My MIL gave us a kitten 12 years ago. She showed up on an airplane with him unannounced (!), and well, crazy that we are, after the shock wore off we fell madly in love with him. It was NOT okay to give as a gift, but I am glad we have him.

    IF they make it AND you keep ’em (just to play devil’s advocate here), have you seen the Eglu chicken coop? http://www.omlet.us/store/store.php?cat=Eglu

    I have an urban chicken owning friend; they love it. Probably overkill, huh? 🙂

  7. I’m with Donna.

    “Oh god” is all I have. Cute chicks, that’s for sure, but “oh god” just keeps coming back to me.

  8. Can you send them my way? My dream is to have chickens called Ted and Dot, so this would totally fill that void. I know I live about 5000 miles away and don’t actually have a yard, but a girl can dream.

  9. That absolutely beats every annoying, beeping, giant peice of plastic junk any relative of mine has every given to my children.

    I bow down before the horror of it.

  10. OMG. And I thought we got some doozy gifts in the past from my MIL.

    The farmgirl in me is thinking “chickens aren’t pets, they are a food source.”

    I can’t even really think of anything else to say on that. Just horrifying. You are a saint for even keeping them in your laundry room.

  11. I don’t know what is funnier. That your MIL gave you chicks. Or that you discovered they were in your house without warning. You poor poor girl. lol!

  12. Don’tcha love it when your parents decide what pets you should have and when? If my mom did that to me, she’d get an earful. There is the lost art of asking that people have forgotten.

    But they are SOOOOOOOO Cute!!!

  13. They are so adorable! Then again, I’m like Jill–we had one fish that wouldn’t die. I even stopped cleaning the tank. Then I didn’t feed it for several months (I think it was living off the algae). Finally, one day a couple of weeks ago, I looked at it and said “You win.” I cleaned the tank, fed it, and bought it some friends. Now we have 9 fish.

    FWIW, when I texted J to say that the fish had won and that I’d cleaned the tank, he texted back “Did you feed it too?!?!” He knows me so well…

  14. Hmmm, Will’s godfather called yesterday afternoon to see if Maggie & Will could have a Flemish rabbit. This may get me samoe hatemail, but EEEWWWWWW! Rabbits freak me out. They are rodents. They will not live in my house. Mike says, “well, you build a hutch & keep them outside.” Why bother having a “pet” that you keep outside? Unless its a pony (& I’m sure I could keep a pony in the basement)
    He asked me what am I going to do with 9 rabbits? I offered to bring him a burlap sack & he could take them to the creek & drown them.
    do not belong in

  15. Wow. Proof-read, Cat, proof-read.

  16. OMG – They are SOOOO adorable! I love chicks – they are just the cutest things eve, next to baby bunnies.

    That said, why don’t you just give them back to your mom? I mean, unless you plan to start raising chickens, but I’ve never gotten that vibe from you.

    Yeah, not really an appropriate gift unless you really want to start a farm. Thanks for the giggle!

  17. Too funny! When we were living in Minneapolis our neighbor had a grown chicken that showed up and starting living in her shrub. Once she caught it she kept it in her backyard which I’m sure was against city ordinances, but what did we care. She brought us fresh eggs every week!

    Is your mother planning on taking them back when they are full grown? Chicks are cute, but chickens are pretty damn ugly!

  18. So if they live, what DO you do with them? Am so curious?

  19. I’m so Nebraska I actually thought…Awww…I wish I had enough land so i could take them…and then momentarily pondered whether I could get in trouble for keeping them in my backyard. You know. Cuz we’re not TECHNICALLY incorporated by the city yet…

  20. They’re awfully cute! But, after they’re done being cute, what do you do with them?

  21. Send them to school with Xboy for show and tell. Have him tell the class that he is giving them away. You’ll have 25 6-year-olds begging their Mommy for an adorable little chick and Xboy will be the hero of the class…

  22. I started laughing when I read this as I grew up with them… I think it’s great they’ve lasted 24 hours + so far and hope Xboy has enjoyed having them around. Although this truly sounds like something my mom would do to me…

  23. Just checking in to see how things are going in your neck of the woods. Very interesting, as always! These critters may just be the only pets my allergies could tolerate, but not exactly the kind of animals that are going to sleep on the end of the bed now are they?


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