Posted by: DD | May 9, 2008

WHY CAN’T I QUIT YOU?

I don’t intend to quit blogging altogether, just on typepad. It may not seem like such a big deal since I already have this one as a “back up”, but it’s just that I have a sentimental attachment to that one…

Plus, I know that there will be a few (OK, “several” since I know Dino will point that out) that will not join me here.

Last night I was thinking about why an absolute transition to mommy blogger seems to be more difficult for those who went through infertility. Now granted, there are a couple (actually, I can only name one), who made that leap successfully, but why is that? It’s not like ALL infertile bloggers stop blogging once they bring home a baby, even though most eventually do.

I actually follow quite a few parenting blogs. I’ve tried to “assimilate” myself into that community by commenting, emailing, and while I initially have some success, it’s really hard to maintain a foot in that door. I use to be a HUGE commenter on Mama Drama. Loved the blog. Funny ladies, Jenny, Steph and Min all were readers and commenters on my typepad blog. And then I had my fourth miscarriage last June.

I never heard from them again (until recently I started following Jenny on her new blog, The Bloggess). No sympathetic comments then and no congratulations on my donor egg pregnancy months later. It was because I had stopped going to their blog to drop my blips of wit and sarcasm – give me a break – I was mourning. In other words, I would comment on the blog and they would follow the comment back; not because they had added me to their reader. Jenny, if you are reading this now, I do understand that the task would have been monumental since you were all really just employees of the blog corporation. But you should know, it hurt.

Also, as I’ve mentioned before, I cannot constantly be “on”. I don’t have a funny anecdote to everything that goes on in my life. I’m not a performer, and most mommy bloggers that I’ve read are performers geared towards entertaining. While Infertility blogs certainly can be entertaining, mostly they are meant to provide support and information. Keyword searches for my other blog are from women trying to find out more on betas, miscarriages, ovulation, FETs, donor eggs, etc. Getting an email from someone who has just started treatment and has questions gives me immense satisfaction and purpose because I do want to help other women get through this SUCKAGE that is infertility.

But back to my point about the differences. I get parenting on the whole. It’s hard. It’s fun. So I can relate to nearly 100% with what a lot of parenting blog authors are discussing. However, try to take one of those women and see what they understand about infertility and miscarriage, and….well, they don’t. They’ve never been there, and most of them never will. So the reciprocation becomes strained and eventually peters out.

I know that I’m coming to the end of my travels, in more ways than one. Who knows if it wouldn’t have ended sooner if I hadn’t become pregnant. Who knows if it will end in July (the good Lord willing I deliver a healthy baby). I don’t have an answer to that. I might just end up like so many other great blogs of the past, like a “…a fart in the wind…”

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Responses

  1. See, now here’s where things are weird (you told me to come over via twitter AND I DID!). I’m not infertile–not really–and I’m a mother, but I always feel on the periphery of Mommy Blogs in general. Like I’m not “good enough” to join their ranks or something.

    I’m not very insecure, so feeling like an outsider is very, very odd for me. I feel more at home on other types of blogs than I do on Mommy Blogs.

    I’m probably making no sense. It’s been a long week, eh?

  2. Not that I think you are at all concerned about MY continued readership, but I have noticed that since I switched to an RSS reader, I comment less on blogs.

  3. A fellow (outside the loop) blogger here. I wasn’t good enough for the “cool moms club”, I still am not. Even worse being a secondary infertile makes me more of a lech to society. After m/c #5 I think 80% of the people that were following my blog abandoned me. No comments, AND they unsubcribed from my feed to add insult to injury. what the heck? It still defies logic to me.

    Yep, it hurts like a mofo, Here I am always the doormat blogger, being supportive to others and not getting the return most of the time. It does suck, and it would not surprise you either that I toyed with just disappearing as well. In fact, I’ve had a post in draft for a long time that is a vent on this topic. Maybe I’ll publish it today.

    Maybe we are our own club? The non-entertaining, jaded mommies that were damaged by the suckiness of life. Oh, I kid. Well, not really.. since I am still in the suckiness part. I know, I made that word up. 😉

  4. Hmm. Interesting point.

    I don’t know what to say besides I’m not going anywhere, lady.

  5. Who’s that “one”?

  6. So I’m like a “fart in the wind”… oh wait… you said GREAT blogs of the past so I guess I don’t even qualify as a fart.
    Lower than a fart,…. part -fart, turd??
    I am also a *QUEEN* at pointing out the difference between few and several so I am very happy at the acknowledgement.
    I always thought the key was to connect with a few magnificent others – quality versus quantity and all that (not to mention enthalpy and entropy).
    Okay, I’m lost here,… ah… have a nice day.
    DinoD

  7. Looking at the list of all IF bloggers, I imagine it won’t be long before those that have made it to a live baby or two or more and who continue blogging will be their own category of bloggers and the question will be what will you call yourselves? (IF Mommy blogger just doesn’t cut it, I think.)

    I’m relieved to hear you’ll likely continue blogging! At least for awhile.

  8. DD, I enjoy your voice.

  9. Well, there is an entire arena that we can all frequent, called parenting after infertility and loss, because frankly, it’s an area that needs to be covered.

    We parent differently, and will forever, and I will still read you and you will I hope stick around for me?

  10. I think I lost a lot of my readers back between miscarriages 4 and 5 because I took a 9 month break to have gastric bypass surgery. Most of my readers were there for the ttc drama, and all I had to offer was weight loss stuff. Apparently I just never picked them back up when we got to the next phase. And then i actually had a couple of kids and became the most boring person ever. I can’t blame people for not reading my mindless drivel! You, my friend, are never mindless, though. So thank you for sticking around, at least for awhile.

  11. I’ll be reading no matter where you go. Except for maybe Diaryland, because I’m now on dialup and it takes for. ev. er. for pretty stuff to load.

  12. yer on my bloglines, i’ll follow you wherever. 😀

  13. Please don’t stop blogging.

    Well, stop if you have to, I guess. I only have about four regular commenters on my blog that aren’t family or my DH’s friends. Of course I don’t really blog, I just post photos mostly. I have no idea why people read my blog, it has to be massively boring.

    I love your blog, though. I’ll miss you if you go.

  14. Yeah, it’s true. Sometimes it seems like there are all these closed blogging communities who don’t really interact all that much.

  15. I hope you don’t stop blogging. And I agree with Aurelia that parenting after infertility and loss is an important area that I hope you will consider blogging about.

  16. I’d like to think I could be one of those who made the transition from infertile to Mommy Blogger, but it’s not the case. Like you, I don’t have billions of hit counts and links from major magazines and blah blah blah because I’m not always on, either. Successful Mommy Bloggers seem to aim towards the constantly funny, but I’m not there either. Serious shit happens. Why can’t I be able to blog about it?

    I’ll follow you, wherever you blog next.

    That sounded kinda’ creepy, didn’t mean it that way.

  17. You know I am like a bad case of scabies, and as much as you scratch, you ain’t gettin’ rid of me! Ok, that was disgusting but you know what I mean.

    I have about 4 readers and that’s ok. I use my blog to vent, to say things i want to say even if it’s stupid and boring. I hope you keep writing and you are never stupid or boring.

  18. Great topic. I’ve been pondering for, oh I guess about a year now how I should rework my heading since I’m not currently dealing with SIF anymore. I like the phrase “parentlng after infertility and loss.” I need to ruminate on that for a while.

    And yes, now that I finally have a #2, I feel SO boring. It made me not blog for a while, but I got over it. Now I just post what I want, when I want and am not so hung up on comments as I once was. I figure life changes for each of us, but hopefully I can help someone, somewhere, as you find opportunity to do. For me, it IS about knowing someone out there who’s had similarities in their journey.

    Do what ya gotta do, I’ll be there for you.

  19. You’ve captured incredibly well the difference between the two sets of blogs, I’ve never seen it articulated so well before. The one for entertainment, the other for support.

    I also think it’s interesting the level of oneupmanship in the mommy(and mummy!) blog world – all that rumpus about camp baby and who got invited and who didn’t, it was all so odd, particularly since I only got it in retrospect when erika (PJ mom) posted about it.

  20. I guess you can smell “mine” from where you are then!

    I liked this post only DD darlin, wait till you have the baby… we’ll talk then 😉

  21. I’m around. You can’t get rid of me!


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