Posted by: DD | June 4, 2008

no. 672 – The Maternal Heart’s Essence – June

Last June we went through our fourth miscarriage. I have so many emotions tied to those few short days since it was the one where Mr. DD's SA had improved (almost miraculously) and we did not have to use donor sperm. We both couldn't help believe that it had to be "The One" that stuck. It was heartbreaking of course to come to the painful realization that if we were to have another child, he or she would not be 100% biologically related to XBoy.

June was a month of many good-byes for me: to my fifth pregnancy; to my future biology, which stopped with XBoy (and for which I'm eternally grateful); and shortly after, my third full decade on this earth.

It's also when I started The Maternal Heart's Essence. If you have a special date you would like added for the June page, please send an email to the address on the About page. The site has helped me when I needed to tuck those losses away for a while, to give me a chance to breath. But it also is comforting to know that when I feel very lonely in my grief, that there will always be others who understand and appreciate how much hope can be tied up in a dream, and to keep that dream close to the heart.

"I know well
that the June rains
just fall."
-   Onitsura 


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