Posted by: DD | June 6, 2008

WHY YES, I DO SLEEP WITH MY FEET IN A BUCKET

I’ve never felt as dirty as I do right now being pregnant. Dirty in the moral way, not the literal way.

When a couple is struggling with trying to get pregnant, the advice that comes spewing from anyone who knows they are trying is overwhelming.

Granted, most of the time, the suggestions, such as wearing boxer shorts, and certain positions, and propping up the hips are presented rather innocently even if wholly unwelcomed. Kind of like advice on how not to burn your vegetables when grilling the chicken at the same time. Of course, there’s always the pig in the bunch that’s willing to “help out”. Hey, if that’s the fantasy he needs to get his own job done, fine, but I certainly don’t need to know.

But now, I have tolerated much waggling of eyebrows and winks and fist pumping motions and not just from friends, but strangers passing me by with looks that say loud and clear, “I know what YOU have been up to”; or as a friend of mine from ages ago would say when he spotted a very pregnant woman, “She didn’t sleep with her feet in no bucket.”

My favorite  reaction was one that took place after mass on the church steps. The husband of a couple we were neighbors with at our old house told me how it seems that he just saw me a couple weeks ago and didn’t even know I was pregnant. I replied that yes, I really have popped recently. He said back to me, “That’s not all the popped, now is it?” *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

As he stood there smirking at me and my husband, I was a breath away from replying back that Mr. DD wasn’t even around when I got myself “popped”. What an asshole. An unfortunate side affect to his comment was that now I had the image of him and his cold-fish of a wife fumbling about in the dark. Gah!

It’s as if I want to tell everyone the cold, clinical details of Murdock’s conception so they can just stop imagining Mr. DD and I getting our freak on and then making nasty innuendos. Why do people think that’s appropriate?! In fact, it’s too bad that they don’t know I’m nearly back to virginal goodness and purity at this point, trust me. Well, as close as I can be considering it’s me. Whatever, back off, Smutty McSmutmouth.

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Responses

  1. Unfortunately we don’ t have the ability to innately know all that has happened to a person recently. With this in mind, our human responses tend to be unthinking and shallow.

    My hubby is the kind that jokes in the same fashion as the above mentioned man. That is also the type of people that he’s used to being around. All his buddies, male and female joke about sex in all manners of speaking.

    Some of us don’t take to that kind of joking, or if we do – we prefer it in MODERATION. But I married him, and that is what I live with, like it or not.

    I, like you, prefer not to have ppl imagining me in and my hubby in bed, as well as not picturing others in bed.

  2. You know, I always had that thought in my head while I was gigantically pregnant. “Oh no, now people KNOW that I have had s-e-x.”

  3. As bad as all that is, and admittedly I’ve never experienced it, I love the questions about which one of us “has the problem” making a baby.

    “What? You mean you have to actually DO something to get pregnant? Shit I was hoping for immaculate conception!”

  4. I really hate that stuff too. Actually one of my biggest pet peeves (and I really have no good reason for it) is the term “preggers”. I just hate it. Anyway, with this pregnancy being a huge surprise (yep, I’m an urban legend) I have felt an overwhelming urge to tell people about the fertility struggles and miscarriage that we went through just to have Aiden. I just get this look like “don’t you know what causes that?” when people find out my children will only be 18 months apart. Like it’s any of their business anyway, I still feel a need to tell people that I haven’t always been uber-fertile and to please not judge. I wonder if that ever goes away?

  5. Does that mean if you’re not pregnant, you’re not having sex?

    And, you’re right, your updates are not showing up in Bloglines.

  6. Hah. Try being 19 and not married and pregnant. 🙂 You don’t even want to know the snide comments you get – or the little digs like your mother forbidding you to have a baby shower because *gasp* people would know you’re pregnant!

    I have to admit though – when you mentioned being “dirty” and pregnant – I thought a WHOLE DIFFERENT THING 😉

  7. I find that one of the weirdest things about pregnancy – our parents now know that we did it. Thankfully no one, including random strangers, has made any inappropriate comments.

    And thanks for the heads up on the other blog about bloglines – I thought you were just being quiet.

  8. Do you KNOW how many comments are running through my brain right now? Do you know how hard it is to stop myself from blurting them out??? DO YOU KNOW HOW BADLY YOU ARE TORTURING ME???

    Thanks for the smile, DD. First one of the day. You’re a good friend. 😉

  9. You know what DD? I have never had anyone make any sorts of those references to me when I was pregnant. Seriously, I’m a dirty mouthed bitch, and I can’t believe no one has said this sort of thing to me.

    I’m shocked.

  10. Believe me, you get twice the innuendo when it’s twins.

    And they all seem to assume that it’s down to my husbands Super Sperm. Not only is it ironically quite the opposite, but Mr Geohde wasn’t even in the room when I got knocked up, either.

    J

  11. When you have triplets, people just assume you had to have help. Nothing like some creapy guy asking, “uuuhh, so did you take dem drugs?” What drugs are you talking about idiot? A little crack? Maybe some meth?

    And the other thing that pisses me off is everyone assumes that it’s the female’s problem. Ok not everyone. Mostly just my inlaws and I want to yell at them that it’s their son who has crappy sperm.

  12. I had this same issue, and I did let them know that Clark wasn’t involved in concieveing Turtle, infact I told really rude people neither of us was even in the same damn state that she was concieved in, at the time that she was concieved!! Then I just walk off and let their minds run wild. I guess this is the fertile world that we live in huh??

  13. Yeah this pisses me off too. My MIL once made a comment bout jasper being a boy because of the type of underwear T. must wear and the temperature etc. I just wanted to throw a fucking plate of food at her – she knew we had sperm issues and IVF. Seems she must have forgotten.

  14. I can think of so many good responses, but none of them are ones that you’d want to say to someone that you’ll see ever again.

  15. I can’t believe people would say that or fist pump. I never had anything like that during either pregnancy- gross! But yeah, if they only knew how much s-e-x was NOT needed for most of us. LOL!


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