Posted by: DD | January 8, 2009

THE SWEET SMELL OF “YOU SUCK”

Here it is 5:00 in the morning and it’s cold and dark outside, but damn, I felt like such a sniveling ass about the prior post that I climbed out of bed prepared to take the post down.

Thank you for humoring me, even if you didn’t agree with my shortsightedness. I warned you that I tend to overreact and puff and strut over things that really aren’t puffable or strutable.

Let’s move on, shall we?

Why is it that your husband has to breath on you in the middle of the night? I can’t lay facing away from him all night so I turned and he turned and there he was, open-mouth breathing. Blech. I tried arranging the sheets and my pillow to block his breath from wafting directly towards me, to no avail.

I rolled back over and and he flung out his arm across my waist. It got harder to breath so I moved his arm to my hips and that’s when his wee male brain, even in his sleep, made him think that was foreplay. That’s when I got out of bed to check your emails.

Wait? Didn’t I originally say I was worried about your reactions? Right, right, I was. Really. Of course I wasn’t avoiding my stinky-breathed husband…who also informed me last night that he even cut his toe-nails “wink wink nudge nudge”.

Ahhh, smell the romance. That is if you can over the faint aroma of morning breath.

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Responses

  1. Watch this.

  2. Oh gosh cat that was hilarious!

  3. Morning breath….one question…..how come in the movies when they wake up they not only look perfect but obviously have no problem swapping spit before they ever hit a toothbrush?

    Ever since BigD pointed that out to me years ago, I haven’t been able to really get into one of those scenes without thinking that. Yep, he wrecked another thing for me.

  4. Morning breath while suffering from SEVERE nausea. Beat THAT!!!

    Oh I sooooo know how you feel… it was like reading a description of nights in my own bed right now…. Only, funnier than I ever could have done it!!

  5. I HATE being breathed on while I’m trying to sleep. LOATHE it. I’ve explained this to J many times and yet he still wonders why I’m always sleeping with my back to him.

  6. Seriously, we are married to the same man.

  7. I could have written this post word for word.

    J

  8. Do you mean that putting your husbands hand in an ‘area of high interest’ while in bed in the middle of the night is NOT really foreplay?

    and all these women agree with you??

    boy, do I have to rethink that strategy!!

    🙂

  9. I’m with you 100 percent. Snoring, I can handle. Sneezing fits in the middle of the night? Not optimal, but acceptable. But open-mouthed-breathing on me? NOT okay.

    It is also a little sad when you reach that point in the marriage where engaging in everyday hygiene is considered foreplay–my husband lures me not with cut toenails, but with actually shaving his face in the morning. And pathetic old me–sometimes it works.

  10. Cutting your toenails is foreplay?

    Oh man.

    DD, we need to talk.

  11. Morning breath… eeeewwwe!

  12. omg so true!


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