Posted by: DD | July 10, 2009

RACING EBAY VAN TO SPECIALIST FOR ADHD

I’ve been pretty irritated with my husband lately. Actually just on the weekends. He’s been racing* every weekend for the past 4, which goes against what I thought we had agreed to when racing*season started: he’s races* one weekend; I get to do what I want the next weekend. Easy, right?

When I whined to him about it, he told me I “need to get a hobby.” So tonight when I sat down at my laptop, he asked what I was doing. My “hobby”, Mr. Observant.

* as in radio-control electric car racing

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I have been dealing with a nightmare on a simple $15.00 ebay purchase. I found the seller (who won’t respond to my emails or send me my mofo purchase) on another site via google, because some people are stupid and use the same username all over the web. If it wasn’t for the fact I used my husband’s ebay account, I would be all over that bitch like a fly on shit. My husband says that’s harassment. I say it’s internet justice.

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Speaking of crappy service, wait until I tell you about my foray into warranty work on my vehicle. It’s a comedy of errors compounded by two survey phone calls. The last survey caller even had the gall to make up excuses as to why the dealership screwed up not once, not twice, but three goddamn times. I just don’t have the energy to talk about it now.

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More service problems: I took a two hour drive down to The Metro to see a specialist for ZGirl. Long, long, LOOOOONNNGG story short? She’s fine.

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What people who don’t have children with ADHD don’t understand is that a child who suffers from ADHD isn’t just one who is “overly active”. XBoy’s ADHD is not manifested in physical over-activity. It is him being constantly on mental overload. Like having a power plug with every outlet being used plugged into ANOTHER power strip. That’s XBoy’s brain.

For a “normal” child, you can tell them, “It’s bedtime. Please get ready for bed.” and off they go. Fifteen minutes later, you can walk into their room and they’ve changed, completed their nightly toiletry, and might even be in bed.

It doesn’t work that way with XBoy. If I tell him to take a bathroom break, sometimes he’ll get up from the living room couch walk into the hallway and then turn to his bedroom. From the time he heard the request to the time he’s walked to the hallway, he’s forgotten what he’s supposed to do, maybe due to a distraction of a toy laying on his bedroom floor.

To get him ready for bed, it’s simple commands that have to be repeated a couple of times before the task gets completed. The nightly conversation goes a lot like this:

Go take a bathroom break, please (follow him into the bathroom, and lean against door jam).

Lift the ring, please.

Flush, please.

Put the ring down, please.

Wash your hands, please – use soap.

Shut off the water, please.

Dry your hands, please.

Brush your teeth, please.

Put away your brush, please.

Shut off the lights, please.

Go get dressed for bed, please (follow him into the bedroom).

Put your clothes in the hamper, please.

Get into bed, please.

Each command must come separately or else after the first one, you may find him 15 minutes later playing in the bathroom sink with a hairbrush and q-tip and water pooling up not only on the counter but the floor as well.

We are tired of it. He’s certainly tired of it. Unfortunately, we can’t leave him to his own devices. There are times, more often than not, that in the morning, we can tell him to get dressed for the day and we’ll walk into his room ten minutes later and find him standing there buck-naked and playing with his Star Wars action figures. If we ask, “What are you doing?!” he’ll respond, “I’m just playing!” as in “duh! what does it look like I’m doing??”

So yeah. If a friend tells you that their child has ADHD, don’t just think it’s a kid acting like a rabid weasel on meth.

If only it were that easy.

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Feel free to pick a topic, any topic, and advice away. Sorry about the schizo title.

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Responses

  1. I got nothing on the racing…but I’d get a hobby that takes you out of the house anyway. Say, blogging at Panera over a cup of coffee? Or anyplace else with wifi…

    Glad zGirl is fine.

    I know nothing about ADHD, so I will ask stupid questions… Can you impress into your son’s mind simple procedures that become automatic, despite the noise going on in his head? Would written instructions posted somewhere help? There’s gotta be a way to access the part of the brain that learns repetitive activities, like say, breathing. Aren’t the medications helping or does that just keep him more focused in school?

    We have Nissans, and they tell us that if there’s something we can’t respond Excellent to on the customer survey, we really need to let them know so they can fix it immediately. Having filled out a survey with a less than excellent rating once, I know this is somewhat true (oh the phone harassment that ensued – begging and pleading for a solution to the problem). Plus, our dealership now has snacks and drinks to make me happy while I wait for my oil change. And I load up the diaper bag when I leave too. I’m getting my money back from them, one way or another!

    I would be after the ebay seller wherever I could find him/her…

  2. I could have written that ADHD part word for word. That’s exactly what Zachary is like. AND…imagine how that works in school, when the teacher CAN NOT spend the time telling them, step by step, what to do (as well as making sure they do it.) He had a great teacher this year, who really worked with him, but in the past he’s had some really horrific teachers (kindergarten and 2nd grade were awful).

    It’s also exhausting as a parent. People don’t get how much energy that takes – how much it takes out of you.

  3. I have often said that dealing with Jackson is like reciting a technical manual. If you miss one step g-d knows what will happen.
    Strangely enough i have an eBay seller I want to go apeshit on as well. We should compare notes.

  4. I read somewhere that the average kid needs to be told something 212 times before it sinks in. I think that the study was optimistic.

    I hear you pain.

  5. That’s how I have to talk to my husband. HA!

  6. I LOVE the out-of-the-house WiFi idea!!!

  7. Way back when, when I was small, my pediatrician described ADD (ADHD) to my parents as ribbons of color… as in… Imagine that information/instructions/the world is being presented as a whole bunch of different colored ribbons to a child, and they’re all coming at the child all the time, all at once.. A ‘normal’ child will process each ribbon of information/instruction and they will sort themselves into their individual, colorful strand, no problem. An ADD child’s brain can’t sort out the ribbons so easily, and the ribbons will start to knot up, become a mass of colors that their brains can’t untangle easily, so nothing gets done. (It’s why ADD children appear to have short attention spans, no doubt?) That’s what the meds are for, to help the child sort out the ribbons coming at them….

    I hope you get the gist of this… I’m not explaining it very well I suspect… but it made sense to me when I was older.

  8. I feel for you. It must be very frustrating.

    Oh and why are bloke’s hobbies so dull? Its like they deliberately choose things no one sane would want to do with them.

  9. a beat me to the response I was going to put. We took sticky notes with the “pattern” to follow. For each task done, he could collect the note and when all was done, he turned all the notes in for something (usually a privilege like an extra cookie or an extra book at bed…..whatever worked at the time).

    I have an ex-friend that said it was bribery and I was a horrible mother. After I told her to bite me, I told her she was talking out of her ass because she had two “perfect little angels” (that taught my kids the word fuck) and she was out of touch.

    I sooo understand how exhausting it is. I will tell you though that S2 has kinda outgrown this and is actually functioning as a human in the real world, though still male, so that is a hindrance.

  10. Ok, I think that you need to know that it will get better as the routine gets imprinted in his brain. I will say that I don’t have to do that whenever my kid is medicated to the right dose and at the right times. If not, sigh…..we have to count on routine.

    For morning, i give the boys their meds extremely early, like a half hour before they need to get up, then let them roll over and sleep a bit longer. Can you put X-Boy’s patch on a half hour early, like when you get up to get coffee or get the baby? Alternatively, can you do what we do, which is give a lo-dose tab of ritalin orally very early? It starts really fast, and wears off pretty quick, but it might make your mornings easier. And at night, can you keep the patch on him a little later than you are? Or make him get ready for bed a bit earlier, but he can stay up in jammies all ready to sleep playing or whatever?

    Basically, try and concentrate the most boring stuff in the time he is medicated, so he can get it done without driving you nuts.

    All that said, try typing up a list he can see in big letters and then tell him to follow the list. Over and over and over again….it will work eventually. My nine year old doesn’t need reminding all the time anymore about bathroom routines and bed times. Another idea? Add Warehouse sells some gadgets that are for reminding ADDers to do things. some just vibrate, others ding, some send messages. Some are worn on the wrist, others sit on the desk. Think about looking there.

    Hope this helps.

    • Jerry applies the patch before Max is fully awake, but before it can take full affect (45 min), Max is up. If we got up earlier just to give him an oral, he’d be awake anyway driving us nuts asking if he can watch TV or play video games (not allowed on weekday mornings) or in waking up Hazel.

      If we don’t remove the patch by 5 p.m., he has a hard time getting to sleep so we don’t want anything in his system in the evening, especially right at bed time.

      It’s just as much about creating a habit for him as it is for us. As his parents, we should know better than expect perfection from him and thereby not lose our tempers, which usually happens when we’re running behind. Whose fault is that? Ours, and yet we take it out on him more often than not.

      It’s a learning curve for all of us.

  11. omfg that sooooo sounds like my daughter- some days I wonder how I make it through without my head exploding!!

    we’re still un-medicated as yet- but I’m wondering if we’ll even make it through the summer before I cave- the excercises the shrink gave us aren’t working, and she just seems to be getting progressively worse.. *sigh*


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